Disclaimer: I own neither Gilmore Girls nor the copious pop culture references.
Rating: M for trips to the swear jar.
Summary: "It won best film at Cannes!" "Here's a quarter Brian, go call someone who cares!"
A\N: It's either about the banality of personal freedom or three people who should really resolve to hang out less.
Prologue
(Prelude To A Night of Distinction)
"No."
"Come on."
"Not happening."
"Give it a chance."
"Are you confused by the N or the O?"
"This is a democracy Zach, and in a democracy-"
"If you quote Star Trek one more time I swear to God-"
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one."
"Seriously? Is Shatner paying you to plug him?"
"Dave!"
When the boy looks up from the shiny cover of Seven Samurai Brain's wearing the martyr face, which is somewhere between Morgan Freeman up for parole in Shawshank and sad, possibly crippled kitten. Dave glances around the abandoned video store and silently curses himself for the two seconds he gets distracted and allows his Friday night to be reduced to-
"Would you please tell Zach there's nothing wrong with expanding his horizons?"
"Would you please tell Brian there's no way I'm watching some lame ass movie about whales?"
"For the last time, Brian's voice quivers. Whale Rider is not lame, the adjectives you're looking for are "funny", "moving" and "awesome."
"Dude my mom loves that movie. Dave pops a Sour Patch Kid into his mouth. Yeah, no, I can't endorse that."
"It's about a girl finding herself in the face of a misogynistic society lead by an unforgiving patriarch. Spoiler alert: the patriarch is her grandfather!" Brian nods at his comrades with the confidence of one who has just bestowed the commandments of God upon ignorant farm people.
"It's an epic, emotional rollercoaster ride of movie magic."
"Really?" Zach folds his arms across his chest.
Brian narrows his eyes and sticks out his chin defiantly.
"I'm just saying, if you're hell bent on becoming a chick why don't we get Sophie's Choice? Or Steel Magnolias? Or Glitter Brian, how 'bout we rent Glitter? I mean, Zach throws his head back and spreads his arms. Just how many ways can you make it a Blockbuster night?"
"Could we possibly rent something before you guys dance fight?" Dave nibbles on a lime green Sour Patch Kid.
"I think I saw Terms of Endearment in the new classics."
"She is the only girl in that entire village who wants to ride whales; but can she? No, It doesn't matter how much she wants it, or how good she is at that ancient stick fighting thing they do, its never gonna happen because of her chromosomes."
"You know, if we're just trying to make me hemorrhage, Zach nods. How 'bout Pauley Shore? Huh? Son in Law, Biodome, we'll make it a festival."
"The whale helps her become who she is, Brian's quiver rises. It's a metaphor for life!"
"You mean Lifetime?"
"Dude, what else did you get?" Dave sighs. The bespectacled boy instinctively hugs the pile of DVD's to his chest like they're newly rescued Guatemalan refugees.
"The Constant Gardener."
"Estrogen." Zach coughs.
"Being John Malkovich." Brian mutters through gritted teeth.
"Oh yeah, an ugly Cameron Diaz and John Malkovich in a dress, my night's complete."
"Ghost World."
"I'm drowning in estrogen back here."
"Was I talking to you Roger Ebert?" Brian cries.
"Easy, Dave slides between them and pats his heavily breathing comrade on the shoulder. Just pretend he's not here, he nods at the last DVD and smiles encouragingly. Now that looks decent man, what's that?"
"Mirror Mask." Brain sniffs.
"Liked it better the first time I saw it when it was called The Labyrinth."
Brian glares at Zach who grins at Dave who says evenly:
"Ever considered a career in suicide outreach, Gandhi?"
A\N:
I'd like to thank anyone who left notes for Toodles or put it on their favorites list. It was more or less an out of control, Frankenstein's monster, stream-of-consciousness project and I didn't think people would read it much less enjoy it. Thank you