For the Love of Henry

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

"A new baby is like the beginning of all things --wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities." -Eda J. Le Shan

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Spencer Reid felt drained, depleted. He was enotionally and physically exhausted, He was glad to be leaving Las Vegas. His mother was safely ensconced back at Bennnigton and his father well...he didn't know what to think. He was happy that his father wasn't the monster he thought he was but a couple of days and an apology wasn't about to erase the seventeen years of neglect.

He hoped now that his nightmares would finally stop, that he at least could achieve some closure on that front. As for the rest, instead of getting the answers he wanted, he got more questions. Why did his father leave a ten year old boy alone with a mentally ill mother? Why did he never try to call or visit when he was only ten minutes away. Why did his father leave him to suffer? These were the questions that played over and over in his brain on a loop without any relief.

He had slept the entire flight back to Quantico on the jet. He felt just as tired when they landed. Morgan had offered him a ride home, he thanked him but there was somebody he needed to see first.

JJ's hospital room was bright and cheery and crowded with some members of the BAU team. Will stood beside her, beaming with pride at his new son. How happy everybody was, how kind it was when Will asked the others to go down for coffee with him so that he and JJ could be alone. He held Henry in his arms and felt a rush of emotion he wasn't expecting when JJ asked him to be Henry's godfather. It was a perfect moment, holding that sweet little boy and having JJ's beautiful face looking up at him.

Now he was back in his apartment. The perfect moment was over. Will had come back and took his place. He hoped Will knew what he had. Spencer sat alone on his sofa with his shirt off. He had tied a piece of rubber tubing around his upper arm, He hadn't done this in over a year. A tear slid down his face. He had pretended all day that this was not going to happen. But the moment he rushed to the bathroom at his fathers office and vomited up his breakfast into the toilet, that familiar feeling, that craving crept up and held his hand. It whispered in his ear 'I can make it better'.

He picked the needle up and flicked it a few time to get the air bubbles out , he positioned it against the vein in his left arm, he closed his eyes and depressed the plunger. He hissed a sigh of satifaction as he felt the familiar warmth creep over his body. He tilted his head back and moaned, a sensual release of sorts. A small smile lit up his lips. Now he could forget their faces, his mother's, his father's, Riley's, Gideon's. They all went swirling away from him in some kind of vortex of memory.

He touched his bare chest, he was still here. He felt his heart beating. He had held little Henry next to his heart just before he handed him over to Will, he had placed a soft kiss to the little boys head and silently mouthed 'I love you Henry'.

A delicious numbness crept over him, he embraced it. He opened his eyes slightly and saw the syringe and bottle on the coffee table. He wondered if he took the whole bottle, would it kill him? He would be free, finally free. No more dilaudid, no more pain. He had made arrangements for his mother a long time ago if anything should happen to him and maybe his father would see her now once in a while, maybe. He could do it, he wanted to do it. He reached for the little bottle. It felt cool and right in his hand, he picked up the syringe with his other hand. It would be so easy and painless.

The tiny face of Henry floated in front of him.

No, he couldn't leave Henry. He couldn't be like his father. What if Henry needed him someday? He dropped the bottle and syringe on the floor. Maybe tonight he needed to forget, tomorrow he would be stronger. He would start again.

Fin

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AN: Reid's fathers's explanation bugged me. I felt there was more there then met the eye and It probably isn't realistic for Reid to bond so instantly with Henry but I just liked it that way.

Hope you like the story, I tried to end on a hopeful note. Please review, I really do appreciate it. Thank you.