{Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found; Yeah, I think that I might break}
"I want to believe you…"
Never did you imagine that five simple words could knock the wind from your body. You're the girl with the knock-back semblance; you can take any punch without so much as batting an eye and deal back that power tenfold. You are strong. You are tough. You can take any hit because that's how you were built. It's what fuels you, what strengthens you and what surges you forward where most couldn't.
Golden eyes evade you and you feel the shakiness of your defenses. Heat pools in your eyes, making them itch and burn as your mouth goes dry, your throat constricting as it tries to suffocate you. A curtain of black hides her away, the distance between the bunks you each sit on seems like an ocean, its rough waters too dangerous and foolish to traverse.
She's sitting there, curled protectively around herself. Somewhere in the depths of your mind past all the pain and fog of confusion, you know it's against you. You briefly wonder if she really believes that you - you, her partner and best friend - would genuinely wish to hurt her. The thought makes you tremble harder and you feel your defenses crumbling, the heat in your eyes burning hotter and the pain in your chest making it harder to breathe.
"Blake?" you say, in some sort of last ditch effort to get her to look at you. To look into your eyes and see the innocence you know is there, to see the honesty in your words, to see the pain etched on your face. It's a briefly selfish and petty wanting, for her to see how she's hurt you by refusing to look at you in fear of seeing some sort of monster. It's not her fault that she's treating this with caution; her partner before you was a painful experience for her and you had made a promise not to be anything like him.
And now, with everything going on, it's hard to convince her otherwise. You want to scream at her. You want to shake her until she understands that you're not like him because you could never do something as awful as hurt someone else for your own gain without an inkling of remorse. But you can't change what she saw, just as much as you can't deny what you saw.
You're at opposite ends, as distanced as you were on your first meeting. More so, actually.
She still hasn't responded to you and the worry festering inside of you is enough to make you ill. The past day alone has been hard on you, from having guns pointed at your face while an entire stadium shouts and curses at you to hearing whispers down the halls of the dorm, your name always intermingled with their disgusted and angered tones. Ruby and Weiss haven't allowed you to watch the news, but you don't have to see it to know that your name is being slandered across the nation, the world.
Everyone hates you. Everyone sees you as some kind of monster.
And with the whole world against you, you begin to wonder if it's too much to ask of your own teammates to believe you. To side with you against the fury of the world that's boring down on you when you're clearly fighting a losing battle.
She stands up without a word and walks to the door. You watch her go and the knife twists in your heart. You barely register the weight of Ruby's arms as your defenses finally crash and burn, the flow of tears rolling down your cheeks as you curse everything you can think of.
Mercury. The tournament. Blake.
But most of all - yourself.
Your pillow is soaked and it's a paramount effort to stay quiet when all you want is to openly sob, but Ruby and Weiss are sleeping and you don't want to wake them. They had already spent the afternoon and evening consoling you after Blake left, muttering their reassurances and loyalties as a way to get your mind off of her. It was endearing and the effort was definitely appreciated, but you still felt the chill of the hollow cut that Blake had inflicted with her departure. You loved Ruby and Weiss from the bottom of your heart and with each fiber of your being, but without Blake even their words sounded baseless and temporary.
How long before they turned on you too? How long before they realized that enough was enough and they left? Just like Blake.
(Just like your own mother.)
You curl into yourself, hoping to hold these feelings inside. Your hands press on your stomach - hard. You want to physically repress them and feel them recede underneath the strength of your hands, to go back where you'll keep them locked up for as long as you need to. For as long as you can. Maybe as long as you live.
Breaths are coming shorter and tears are still rolling and you feel yourself spiraling out of control. But you don't want them to hear so you bite your lip to keep quiet, doing your best to focus on the sharp pressure of your teeth digging into your soft bottom lip. It's the coppery taste of your own blood that brings you back to that arena, the events of your shame playing in your mind over and over. And it always ends with seeing Blake's back as she walks away from you, as she leaves you behind.
As you continue to lay there, wallowing in your own self-pity, you feel a sudden pull of your sheets. Your mattress dips with weight and that sixth sense has alerted you to another presence behind you. It must be Ruby - you've woken her, after all. Instead of comfort though, you feel suddenly stupidly selfish. It was your crying that roused your little sister from her slumber and now it is your pitifulness that will keep her awake as she consoles you into the night.
You gulp in a deep breath, silently praying that your voice won't betray the hour you've spent crying, and softly tell her to go back to bed. The mattress shifts as she moves about, but instead of climbing down she's moving closer, pressing against your back, her warmth seeping past your thin night shirt and wrapping around you. It's tempting, to stay as you are and let her hold you, but somehow you feel it's unfair to her as well.
"Ruby, really, I'll be fine. You can go to sleep."
"It's hard to do that when I'm not Ruby."
You stiffen and your breath hitches as her voice hits you, the soft puffs of her breath as she speaks hitting your shoulder. More tears come and your lip wobbles as you try to regain control of your body, your movements awkward and jerky as you turn yourself around. Golden eyes shine in the darkness as they finally look at you, a thousand unsaid apologies in them.
"But you…."
"Needed time to clear my head," she finishes for you. Hands come up between you to wipe your face, old tear tracks leaving your cheeks chilled and stiff. Her touch is so light but unwavering and you know that she won't run away again. She's here to stay, to stick by your side as partners should. To comfort you as best friends ought to.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, and it echoes on your own lips as you delve into another fit of sobs, quickly muffled by her collar as she pulls you closer and cradles you. Her skin soon becomes slick with your tears and you feel vaguely bad about how gross it must feel for her, but you can't find it in you to pull away while her hands are running through your hair, rubbing circles into your back, nails scratching lightly across your shoulder blades - a gesture that sends shivers throughout your body and brings a wave of relaxation crashing down on you as you realize just how tired you are.
And the both of you lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, clinging desperately as the night carries into daybreak.
A/N: So I wrote this after I watched that preview because IT. KILLED. ME. Like, how dare you make Yang cry? And not only that, but Blake is the reason she's crying? RUDE.
Anyway, wanted to make sure to get this out before the episode so it's not very long but I think I got the message across?
In other news, if you want to read any of my fics 1-2 days earlier, consider pledging to me on ? $1 is honestly enough and I only post 4 fics a month (IF that) so at most you'd be paying $4 a month. The link to my is on my profile page.
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