Teddy stared with empty eyes at the spot where her husband used to sleep. She reached out a weak hand to stroke the bed where she imagined him lying, becoming aware of the trail of tears that was sliding down her cheek. Closing her eyes, she tried to conjure up the image of their last kiss in her mind. Focusing on the scene in her head, she allowed herself to drift off to another land, a place in her subconscious where things were not so horribly morose.
Gazing into his eyes, she could hardly believe how much her heart swelled when he spoke. 'What are you thinking about?' he asked, a grin spreading across his face. 'Just how lucky I am to be with you' she whispered, touching her palm to his stubbly cheek. 'We've talked about this before Teddy – I'm the lucky one. When I look at you, all I can think of is how grateful I am that you saved me.'
Heart aching for him, Teddy brought her hands to her eyes and released all the emotion she had been carrying around for so long. If only it were true that she saved him. Memories came flooding back, and she sat up, golden hair falling over her face like a halo. Body shaking, Teddy gripped the bed sheet and fell forward, curling herself into a ball.
Crawling into bed beside her husband, she played with his hair wistfully. He turned on his side to face her and smiled. 'I'm so tired, I think I might pass out soon if I don't get some rest!' she joked, clutching his hand tight. 'That's okay sweetheart, you sleep. I'll stroke your hair for you' he offered, pleased to see that this was exactly what she wanted. 'I love you' she breathed, leaning in to kiss him goodnight. His lips were soft, and they still tasted minty from his toothpaste. 'I love you too' he replied, lulling her to sleep with his hands as they gently combed through her hair.
Tears fell faster as Teddy came closer to recalling the next few hours of that night in her mind. She grabbed her head, rocking forwards and backwards, trying to escape this painful reality. How did she let this happen? She wracked her brain for clues, some sign that could have predicted her husband's fate, but she was still left utterly clueless. Helpless. Exhausted from nights of sleeplessness, Teddy lay back and rolled over to the place beside her that used to belong to him. She could almost feel his touch, no longer distinguishing between dreams and reality.
Teddy awoke suddenly, with a feeling of unease in her stomach. Why was the light on? The haze of sleep that clouded her head evaporated rapidly, and she sat up. She looked to the other side of the bed and found that her husband was no longer there. Where was he? Tentatively, she stepped out of bed, and padded softly towards the source of the light. Not prepared for the sight that crept upon her, she stepped back in recoil. Realisation seared through her, and she gasped. There in the bathtub was her husband's body. Shock tore through her brain and she ran forward to try and make sense of the situation. Her eyes settled on a jar of pills that were sat on the bathroom floor.
The feeling of discovering him in the bath that night ripped through her again, and Teddy sobbed into his pillow. It still smelled like his aftershave. She breathed the scent in deeply, finding the familiarity of it soothing.
Underneath the pills, she found an old receipt for something, abandoned on the floor. Picking it up, she moved towards the bin to discard it, but realised that it had been written on. There on the back were two little words. 'I'm sorry.' Finally becoming fully aware of what he had done, Teddy let out a scream and clambered on top of his body, clutching it in the desperate hope that this was all a giant mistake. She cried into his cold, lifeless chest, muttering his name in between sobs. 'Owen'
It had been two days since her life had been shattered by Owen's decision to leave, and she was still no closer to understanding why. She knew he had triggers from their time in the army, and so did she, but they were under control. They had been dealing with it together. She thought they had been making progress. He had tried this once before, but she stopped him. She saved him. If only she had known that he was struggling, she could have helped him. But now she was alone in her apartment, with only the memory of him to provide solace.