A/N: My goshhhh, it's been sooo long since I've written anythinggg. I felt it was time to change that and it just so happened as I was thinking of an idea to write out, this song came on that I hadn't heard in years and it sparked a story in my mind. This is a Troypay and AU. HSM 1, 2, and 3 never happened in this story. Well, I think that's all! Enjoy! And please review!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot, characters are property of Disney and as is the song from their movie Return to Netherland.
I am not a child now
I can take care of myself
I mustn't let them down now
Mustn't let them see me cry
I'm fine, I'm fine
I let the song play slowly, thinking of when was the last time I heard the song I used to play so much before. I squeezed the pillow in my lap closer to my chest as I realized the words to the song explained clearly how I was feeling at the moment.
I got out of bed slowly, pillow still cradled to my chest, and walked softly to the room next door. Pushing the door open slightly, I sighed seeing my twin brother had snuck out of his room yet again, off to see his girlfriend I'm sure. I closed his door just in case and walked back to my own room.
As I sat back down on my bed I saw I had not paused the song I was listening too. I put my headphones back on and picked it up on another set of lyrics that were too familiar at the moment.
My whole world is changing
I don't know where to turn
I can't leave you waiting
But I can't stay and watch this city burn
Watch it burn
It was true. My world was changing. For the past four years my parents' relationship had started changing from the usual loving glances to scornful stares. Being fourteen and seeing this start to happen was not the easiest thing in the world for me. I always dreamed of a beautiful relationship with a guy who loved me unconditionally and would love me that way until we no longer lived, and even past then. Since I was little I was a hopeless romantic and wanting nothing more than a loving relationship with a guy as my parents once had. I was broken out of my thoughts by a shriek.
"I call your office and of course they always tell me the same shit. 'Oh I'm sorry Mrs. Evans he's not in right now.' Where the hell are you then?" my mother yelled.
"Working! You know I have to leave a lot to meet with executives and all that. I have since before we even got married and you know that! You sure as hell were not complaining about that when you would waste all the money I earned on useless shit!" my father yelled back.
That was the argument they were having the most lately because my fathers pay was cut down and it obviously bothered both of them, having been so comfortable with a lot of money for so long. But that was just one argument they had on a daily basis. Everything caused a fight now with them, it was ridiculous. They were both acting like children.
The only people that knew about this were my best friends Gabriella and Troy. I have been really close to them for as long as I could remember. And just as long, I've had a crush on my blue eyed friend, but I'd never tell him that and for two reasons. One, I knew for a fact he didn't feel the same no matter what Gabriella would tell me. And two, the guard I have around my heart is to strong to be broken. This guard has been put up because I do not want to get hurt in the long run from having a failed relationship like I have been seeing for the past four years of my life. I know that I would not be able to handle that hurt, so I just push my feelings away.
Thinking through all this drowned out the yelling for a bit, but I was brought out of my thoughts by a bottle crashing onto what I presumed was the kitchen floor. I paused my music once again and just turned it off.
I grabbed my teddy bear, the one Troy gave me last year that he made himself. I hugged Teddy tightly and leaned my chin on his head. Troy decided that I needed someone to hug when he couldn't be there when my parents got into an argument and I couldn't be happier he gave me Teddy, he was a life saver.
A buzz from my phone next to me brought me out of my trance. I opened it and smiled when I saw his name across the screen.
"Hey Troy" I said softly into the phone.
"Hey Pay, why so quiet?" he asked, the concern in his voice making me smile a bit.
"They're at it again" I said wincing when another scream emitted from my mother. I heard Troy sigh through the phone line.
"Why don't you sneak out Pay? Stay here the night?" he asked quietly.
"What about your parents?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.
"You know they don't care Shar, they love you and know you need a break sometimes. Come on over I'll tell mom now" he said. I smiled, getting up to get some things in a bag to head to Troy's.
"Thanks Troy, really." I said pulling on an East High sweatshirt.
"Anytime Pay, I'll see you in a bit." He said as he hung up the phone.
I hung up my phone while putting things away in a random bag I found near my closet. I grabbed my iPod and threw it in my bag.
I climbed down the stairs quickly but quietly. Once I reached the bottom, I made sure my parents were still in the kitchen. Seeing them still yelling, I softly opened the front door and closed it behind me quietly. Geez, even outside I can hear them fighting, I feel sorry for our neighbors. Taking a deep breath, I turn on my car and drive off.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hey Pay, come on in." Troy said as he opened the door and took my bag from my hand.
"Thanks" I said as I walked into the house, refusing to let go of my teddy bear.
"I see my gift still comes in good use." I heard Troy say behind me as he put his arm on my shoulder. I hold back a sigh as I felt his touch. I look behind me and send him a small smile. He leads me into the kitchen where I see his mom cutting some pieces of pie and his dad talking to her laughing. I sigh; at least they can stay in love.
"Oh, hello Sharpay darling, are you alright sweetheart?" his mother says to me as she approaches me. Troy's parents found out what was happening when I first showed up on their doorstep at the age of fifteen in tears because of a terrible fight my parents had that ended with my father walking out the door. I made them swear not to tell my parents anything because it would just make things worse. Of course they did not like this and I had a feeling Mr. Bolton had spoken to my dad at least once since then but my parents never told me anything so I'm hoping it was not to bad of a conversation.
"I'm ok Lucille, thank you, just needed to get out of there. Oh and thank you for letting me stay, I won't be any trouble." I said as I sat down on a stool, Troy standing behind me with a worried look on his face.
"You know it's no trouble at all Sharpay. How about your brother?" Jack Bolton asked me.
"Snuck out before me, probably to go to Kelsi's house." I said, hugging the bear tighter to me. I could tell Troy could sense something was very wrong with me more than usual but I just tried to push it away.
"Sharpie!" I heard a squeal coming from the living room. I smiled knowing exactly who it was. I turned toward the noise and got up just in time to catch a four year old little girl.
"Hey Mandy! How are you sweetie?" I said as I sat back down on the stool with the little girl on my lap. She smiled brightly up at me, eyes just like her older brother's looking straight at me.
"I lost a toof!" she said smiling wide showing me the whole on the bottom of her mouth.
"Wow! You know what that means right?" I asked. She nodded her head.
"Tooffairy!" she said as she bounced up and down.
"Amanda, what are you doing out of bed?" I heard her mother ask. Mandy buried her face into my chest trying to hide from her mother.
"I heard Sharpie and wanted to see" she muffled into my chest. I smiled as I kissed the top of her head. I loved her as my own little sister, as I did with Troy's younger brother who was fourteen. I was there when both of his siblings were born and felt more a part of his family then my own.
"But if you want the tooth fairy to come you gotta go to bed Mands." I heard Troy say behind me. He pulled Amanda away from me and carried her as she laid her head on his shoulder.
"Okkk fineee" she said as she tried to hide a yawn.
"Come on, let's get you to bed." He said as he started to walk toward the staircase.
"I want Sharpie to come too" she said with sleepy eyes. I got up and followed as Troy told his parents we'd be in his room until we went to bed and that he'd set up the guest room for me.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I sat in bed in the room Troy had fixed up for me. I couldn't sleep; all I could do was cry. Seeing Troy with his little sister, seeing his parent's together, seeing his younger brother come into his room to play some video games. It all just got to me. I never had that and I wanted it all. Ryan and I never talk anymore because we are always away from the house to avoid our parents and when we were home we didn't interact because there was no point, there was always screaming in the background. On top of all that my feelings for Troy were starting to resurface as much as I didn't want them too.
I am so scared of having my fragile heart being broken that the guards around it are just too strong to ever be broken down, by anyone. But even if someone could, I wanted Troy to break them down. I'd always had a crush on him but I knew now what I fought back for so long. I was in love with him and there was no denying it. That thought just made me cry harder because I'd never have him. Tomorrow morning I'd just have to wake up and leave to my house to deal with my parents yelling at me for sneaking out again and having to find out through Mrs. Bolton calling them and telling them I was with them. Not like they'd notice if she didn't call, but she was right, it was better she told them then them finding an empty room on their own.
I couldn't hold it back anymore. A soft sob escaped my lips as I hugged Teddy closer to me. I couldn't take much more. My parents, Troy, it was all just too much. I reached down and searched blindly for my iPod in my bag. I needed to escape with my music. As I put my headphones on and turned it on, I held back tears as I let the song from earlier continue to play.
I try and try to understand
The distance in between
The love I feel and the things I fear
And every single dream
I let the tears fall freely now. I wasn't trying. I had stop trying a long time ago. I stop trying on the love I was feeling, on my dreams about love and happiness and just everything.
I froze when I felt a pair of arms circle around my waist from the side. I turned to see Troy there. He reached up and wiped away a tear with his thumb. He grabbed my iPod and took my headphones off, setting it to the side.
"I knew something besides your parents was bothering you when you walked in the door. And now sitting up crying with Teddy listening to music, you only do that when something's really wrong." He said softly as he rubbed my arm softly. My tears were threatening to fall harder from how he was holding me.
"How did you know I was awake?" I whispered, scared if I spoke any louder my voice would break.
"I had a feeling, and then I heard you crying." He said. I stayed quiet looking down at Teddy on my lap.
"What's wrong Shar? I know it's more than your parents. You can tell me anything, please I want to help." He said it so softly I broke down into more tears. I couldn't take it anymore. Before I knew what was happening my heart was taking over my mind and saying things I swore I would never say.
"Your right, it is more than my parents. It's you too. And no you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just…I'm in love with you Troy I have been for some years now but I didn't allow myself to feel that because of the walls I have up around my heart. The dream I had of having a loving relationship with someone I love have been shattered by seeing that not even my parent's made it through. I've giving up hope; I've stopped trying because I fell for my best friend, the one person who won't love me back. So on top of knowing I'd have a hard time with whoever I fell for I just made things harder for myself by falling for you." I finished my rant and cried harder realizing what I had just said.
I looked up at Troy and saw him looking at me with a glazed look in his eyes.
"Troy, please say something, anything." I say. He grabs my hand, his eyes never leaving mine.
"Try." That is all he says. I look at him confused and scared. He lifts up his other hand and runs it down my cheek, cupping it in the process.
"Try baby. Try and let your guard down. Because I promise you when you do, you won't find hurt but my love in return." He says. I gasp as I try to see if I catch a glimpse of a lie in his eyes. I see none and I couldn't be more relieved. He pushed himself in the bed behind me and I turn so we are facing each other.
"I'm not joking sweetheart, I've been in love with you since the moment you came to my door step three years ago in tears. From that moment I knew I would do anything in my power to keep you safe and make you happy, even if I could only do it as a friend. I fell in love with you that night as I held you while you cried on my couch. It wasn't the moment to say anything and there has never been the right moment since then to tell you I'm in love with you." by the time he finishes, our foreheads are pressed tightly together.
"I want to believe you so bad Troy and I think I do, but these walls are so strong…I…I don't know if I can ever let them down. I can't get hurt; I won't make it through if I do." I told him honestly. I tried to pull away from him but he just put his hands on my face and pulls me closer to him. I look straight into his ocean blue eyes that sparkled through the faint light coming from the night sky. Was that…love?
"I love you Sharpay, more than anyone ever will. And I'll be damned if I ever hurt you." he said sternly before crashing his lips with mine. I was taking aback but I was brought back to the moment when I felt his thumbs brush gently against my cheeks. I place my arms around his neck and suck in his bottom lip between mine gently. I hold back a moan as he pushes me down onto the bed gently. He ran his arms under my shirt stroking my sides. He lets go of my lips and leaned on his elbows to keep his weight off of me. He placed kisses up and down my neck and placed a kiss on my chest, near my heart. We are both breathing heavily as he looks down at me.
"I love you Sharpay, I'm in love with you and I will help you let those walls down. I'll show you we will last, that our love is special because I can already tell you it is. I just need you to try baby." He said sincerely. I leaned up and caught my lips with his again. I ran my hands down his back and pulled away. I leaned into his ear and whispered.
"I'll try cause I finally believe. I'll try"
So, I'll try
Because I finally believe
I'll try, I'll try
I'll try...