Light and Dark
Disclaimer: Sadly, I have yet to get Josh to cave, and The O.C. is something I have rights to. Neither are the Death Cab lyrics, but I do own a copy of Transatlanticism. You should too.
Warning: A few slight spoilers for the next episode, "The SnO.C." and a few beyond them, nothing that will ruin your O.C. experience.
A/N: After "The Way We Were". It's a one-shot. It started off to be a quick one-shot with one scene in mind (the princess ordeal) but it ended up to be a lot more. Definitely me experimenting with couplings, seeing as I'm a hardcore S/S shipper, but I like this, but I'm not a Marissa/Seth shipper. I was originally gonna call it "Kingdom of Darkness", but that's a little too Ozzy Osbourne. Not inspired by the lyrics, but it's uncanny as to how well they went with the fic. Summer and Seth might seem a bit out of character, but angst does that to the way I weire characters, ya know? This is super long, I didn't even notice until I edited! It took my absolutely forever, so I really hope you like this. Enjoy, and review please.
"The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me
Wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite I gave you left a mark
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did I that day"
-Death Cab for Cutie, "Tiny Vessels"
Seth walks into the student lounge, looking for Summer. He hasn't talked to her at all since the concert, and three days have passed.
He sees Marissa sitting alone on the couch. He figures she'll know where Summer is, but as he nears closer, he decides it wouldn't be so great to ask a question like that.
Her eyes are red and tears run down her pale cheeks. She definitely isn't drinking coffee.
"Hey, you alright?" he asks, knowing the answer.
She just looks up sadly, not muttering a word.
"He'll come around," he comforts.
"He won't. It's over…it was never supposed to start," she says.
Seth opens his mouth, but has nothing to say. "I know how it..." he begins, but doesn't finish the sentence. It's not necessary.
"Summer's got that new guy, they're always together, she barely gets time for me any--" Marissa murmurs, stopping and realizing it's Seth she's talking to.
"I'm just," she pauses, hating the word, "Alone now,"
Seth nods. "Look, do you wanna get together or…something…today?" he asks. His eyes are locked on the plastic cup she's holding.
She shrugs. "I have nothing better," she replies bitterly.
Marissa answers the door and eyes him. His hair's a little out of control, his clothes spunkier then she likes. He'll do.
"Hi," he greets with a brief wave.
She's in no mood to be friendly. Caleb fired DJ today after he caught them in bed together. They were just starting things up again. She came home from school and he was waiting. There were no questions, just kisses and hands removing clothing. She was escaping… and then he opens the door and is screaming for DJ to leave.
Caleb later cornered Marissa and said that he wouldn't tell her mother and that he was hiring a new yard worker tomorrow. She walked off in a huff.
"Yeah," she says back.
Seth walks inside and closes the door."Wow, Grandpa's moving up," he says.
"My room's upstairs," she states, starting to walk to it.
Seth walks behind, happy that someone will give him the time of day and actually talk to him.
He sits on her bed. "So…Summer and this guy, is it serious?" he asks.
Marissa rolls her eyes. "More serious than you and she were," she replies.
Seth swallows, letting it pass. He shifts to look at her. "Is there any hope for me?" he asks with eager eyes.
She shakes her head. "Let it go. You don't deserve her," she snaps. She's upset and maybe even a little drunk. These awful words she spitting out are coming from nowhere.
Now Seth isn't going to let it go. "Really? I was just about to say that about Ryan to you," he says back.
She gets off the bed, standing to him. "You're an asshole!" she yells.
"You can't take it. You're a princess; you can't bear the thought that someone will take your crown and smash it, can you? Well, deal with it, Princess; because you don't have your crown anymore, and nobody's treating you like royalty," he yells back, standing on his feet, "You need to realize you're not hot shit. You're not a princess because nobody cares,"
Marissa looks him square in the eyes, fuming. "You don't have to take the fact that Summer doesn't give a fuck about you on me, asshole," she retorts.
"You think she gives a fuck about you, though? Nobody does, deal with it. Sorry, Princess," he shouts.
Marissa slaps his face. They both look at each other for what seems like eternity after the slap, studying each other. In a way, they're equals.
Seth grabs her face in his hands and pulls her lips to his. They kiss, bruising their lips, breathing fiercely. She kisses back, and then pulls away.
"Get out," she says angrily.
He does, leaving her behind.
Seth sees her the next day at school. He knows she sees him, but they don't move. Marissa walks over to him.
"I'm sorry," she murmurs.
He shrugs. "I am too," he says back.
"Wanna come over again today?" she asks.
He raises an eyebrow. "Because the last time went so well?" he says sarcastically.
Marissa lets out a little smile. "I think you can deal with Round Two," she answers.
"I'll come prepared," he replies.
Julie answers the door this time. Seth gives a polite smile, but then smugly says, "Hi, Grandma. How's Grampy?"
Julie scowls. "Marissa, your friend is here," she yells. Her voice is drenched in poison. Seth can't see what Luke saw for one second.
Marissa comes downstairs. "Thanks," she says, to Seth, not Julie.
The two go up to Marissa's room again. Neither has the guts to mention the fight, and there's no way they're going to talk about the kiss. "Life's fucked up right now," Marissa mutters.
She sits on her floor, not the bed. She slowly lies down, staring at the ceiling. Seth lies beside her, staring.
"Just a little," he mutters.
A tear escapes from Marissa's eye. "I wish it was back to the old way, but it's too screwed up," she mumbles.
She inches close to Seth. He puts his arm around her thin body, hand planted on her hip. "It's just life," he says back.
"I need you," she whispers.
Seth wants to recoil in surprise, but he's not. InSomeway, he isn't surprised.
And in someway, he needs her too. He plants a kiss on the top of her forehead and closes his eyes.
Marissa listens as Summer talks about Zach and the upcoming school dance. She lounges back on the couch, thinking about Seth's lips. Every time they touch her own she feels…good.
"You and Ryan going together?" Summer asks.
Marissa shakes out of her thoughts. She shakes her head. "He's with Lindsay or whatever," she replies.
"Aw, Coop," Summer says.
"Why aren't you going with Seth?" Marissa asks.
"Cohen? Ew, no way. I'm not touching that asshole," she says.
"He cares about you," Marissa says.
"I cared about him. You go with him," Summer replies.
"Should I?" Marissa asks.
"I was kidding, Coop!" Summer exclaims.
"It was a good idea though," Marissa acknowledges.
"Whatever, bad idea, but whatever," Summer replies breezily.
Marissa approaches Seth in front of his locker. "Let's go to the dance together," she states.
"What?" he asks, surprised.
"The dumbasswinter dance, let's go to it," she says.
"Not really my thing," Seth says, beginning to walk down the hall.
"We'll have fun!" she yelps.
"Oh, you've convinced me now," Seth deadpans.
Marissa grabs his arm. "Summer and Zach are going," she tempts, then feels guilty for using them to get to be with Seth.
Seth sighs. "Alright,"
Seth and Marissa walk into the outside dance holding hands. Seth scans the place for Summer. Ryan's at home.
Summer spots the pair first, but not their hands. She walks up to them with Zach in tow.
"Hey!" she greets.
"Hi," Seth mumbles.
"Merry Christmas," Zach says with a grin.
Seth returns a weak smile. "Having fun?" Marissa asks to the couple.
Summer nods. "Holly was dancing on one of the tables and fell off!" she yelps.
The four share awkward conversation until "Wonderwall", the Ryan Adams version, blasts through the speakers.
Seth glances at Summer, but she's already dancing with Zach. He remembers when it was him who was dancing with her to this song.
"Let's go," he mumbles to Marissa. She grabs his hand before he can get too far away.
"No, we'll dance first," she says.
Marissa wraps her hands around Seth's neck and he puts his hands on her hips. Marissa nuzzles her head into his neck and he doesn't flinch. It's just right.
The pair rushes to Marissa's house after the dance, quick kisses and touches exchanged in the car. Something's taking over them, and they know what it is.
After, Marissa lies in Seth's warm arms. The darkness of the room surrounds them. She looks up at his truthful eyes. "Was I just a replacement?" she asks, a naïve sound to her voice. She's a fragile little princess, and she refuses to admit it.
Seth kisses her lips and strokes her skin. It's soft, but not smooth. It's like satin. Summer's skin was always flowing and creamy, like silk.
Marissa's his satin to Summer's silk. He wants to feel the silk, to bury his soul in it, but it's unattainable, so he gets the rougher satin.
Her soft, sad eyes still stare back at him, wondering. He shakes his head and murmurs, "No," before running his hand down her bareback again.
He loves the silk, but he wants the satin now.
Seth pulls Marissa's body closer and kisses her again. She backs away.
"For the last time, we aren't going to have sex in the boys' bathroom!" she hisses into his ear.
He sighs in defeat. "Alright,"
"I have to meet Summer for coffee after school," Marissa whispers, buttoning her blouse.
Seth freezes at the memory of Summer. He's not over her yet, and they both know it, but it's nice to think he is.
"Oh, alright,"
"I'll see you tonight," she says, bidding farewell.
Seth likes to lay there with Marissa. Her body is a warm, although frail, thing to hold onto. "M," he mutters.
Marissa lets out a soft moan into the fabric of Seth's tee-shirt. "Can you imagine what would happen if Ryan walked in?" she whispers.
He shifts on the couch; the bright lights of the television are the only light in the room. He likes being in the dark with her now. It's easier not to see the expressions on their faces as the lay together, cuddling or ripping off each other's clothes. Their activities differ depending on how the day went.
Maybe one day he'd like to be with her in the light.
"What would we say if he did?" he asks.
Marissa shrugs and shuts her eyes. She wraps her arms around his waist. "We don't even know what we're doing, how are we supposed to tell him?"
Seth takes a breath of her scent. It's a mixture of natural girl with department store cosmetics and lotions, sort of like Marissa. "What are we doing?" he asks.
"You comfort me," she states, scooting up so her head is equal with his.
"That's all?" he spits out unintentionally.
She kisses his neck. "That's all I am to you, isn't it?" she asks innocently.
He inches away. "Maybe…we could be more," he suggests, unsure and quiet.
Marissa doesn't respond for a few seconds. The idea of being with Seth Cohen is foreign, and a little scary.
"Okay," she decides. She pulls him closer once more.
"But we couldn't tell Ryan or…" he stops.
Marissa kisses his nose, "I like secrets," she whispers, she kisses his lips. "And I like you,"
"Sounds like a plan," Seth replies before kissing back.
"Can we turn off the TV?" she asks.
Seth hits the remote and shuts his eyes, enjoying the feeling of not being alone and the darkness around him.
Seth reaches over to answer the ringing cell phone next to his bed. He glances at the time, and sees it is 2:37. He thinks it is Marissa, wanting to see him late at night.
"Seth," a whispery voice says into the phone.
He can hear light sobs, and he knows it's not Marissa.
"Summer…" he says.
"My mom…died," she says.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," he replies, slowly sitting up.
"Please come and see me," she says.
"What?" Seth asks.
"If you can't…that was stupid anyways. Her funeral's in a week, I need someone to be there with me," she says, her voice hoarse.
"Oh," he says.
"Please come with me," Summer pleas.
"I'll be there," Seth says.
Seth zips up his duffle bag, looking at Marissa sitting on his bed.
"Nothing will happen, M," he assures, sitting down next to her.
"Don't you know she just broke up with Zach?" Marissa asks.
"Because she can't be with anyone right now," Seth supplies.
"So, you've talked to her about it," Marissa accuses.
"M, don't be all suspicious. She's your best friend," he says.
Marissa eases back down next to him and he wraps his arm around her. "I know…I just don't wanna lose someone again," she sighs.
Seth kisses the top of her head. "You won't lose me, I promise," he says.
Summer cries in a heap in Seth's arms, her eye make up all over her cheeks and memories of her mother flooding her mind.
Seth rubs her bare arm, whispering apologies. She thinks he's saying sorry for her mother, but the words are about Marissa.
Summer turns around and Seth stares into her soaked eyes, sympathy and guilt running through his veins. She slowly moves in to kiss him, but he pulls back.
"God, I'm sorry," he murmurs.
She shakes her head. "No…my fault, that was so dumb of me. You don't," she says, holding in tears.
"Do you?" he asks, terrified of her answer.
She shrugs. "I don't know,"
"I'm with Marissa," he blurts out.
Summer takes a short breathe in, shocked. "Wha—How?" she asks, heartbroken.
Seth sits down on the floor of the hotel room, looking up at her, sitting on the bed. "We were alone. It just works," he answers.
Summer nods and gets off the bed. "I…I'm gonna go shower. I need to be alone and," she pauses, "Think about my mom,"
She walks into the bathroom andclosesthe door quietly, and Seth can hear her cries. He slowly lies down on the floor, devastated.
"I knew it!" Marissa exclaims after hearing Seth's retelling of what happened.
"Not the reaction I expected," he says.
"She still loves you, Seth!" she yelps, getting off the bed and facing him.
Seth is silent. They both know the question, but refuse to acknowledge the answer.
"So…what are you gonna do?" Marissa asks in a whisper.
Seth stands up. "This," he says in a husky voice before kissing her.
"Do you remember when you called me Princess?" Marissa asks, looking up at the deep blue sky.
Seth takes off the headphones to his iPod and looks over at her. He hates when she makes him sunbathe with her, but he tries to grin and bear it.
"That was almost a month ago," he answers ashamedly.
"So you do," she says, looking at him through her shaded glasses.
He nods.
"I hated it," she states, "I hated fairytales when I was little,"
Seth's surprised by the comment. "Really?" he asks.
Marissa's a mystery to him still. She has layers that he tries to peel away. Some come away easily, some are more stuck on, and some will never come off.
"Everything ended so perfectly, and I had the perfect life, so I didn't want it to end that way," she sighs, "But now I want a fairytale,"
"I guess we want what we don't have," Seth says.
Marissa ignores his last comment and moves from her chair to lie on top of him. "You're my Prince Charming," she whispers.
Seth wraps an arm around her stomach. "I'm not really Prince Charming material," he says.
"You're my Prince Charming material," she replies.
Seth sits up, lifting her up with ease. She smiles, half confused. "Prince Charming wants his princess to be spontaneous," he states before dropping her into the pool.
Marissa comes up, wet and laughing. Seth isn't sure what to say until she begins laughing even harder and grabs his hand, making him fall in.
"You don't need a crown," she says.
Seth walks into the pool house, greeting a surprised Ryan with, "Ryan, I feel like we never talk anymore. Why?"
Ryan looks up from his schoolwork. "You're always with Marissa, that's why," he mutters.
Seth sits down on the chair. "Summer told you?" he asks.
"Yeah," Ryan replies, "How is it?"
Seth raises an eyebrow. "Dude, I'm dating your ex and you're cool with it?" he asks suspicously.
"I'm dating Lindsay, I'd have no right to be if I was. Plus, you guys deserve to be happy," he says.
"You don't have to be all mature about it, man," Seth says.
"It's a little weird, but whatever," Ryan states.
"Seriously?" Seth asks, not believing.
"Seriously, I'm a little weirded out, but it's fine,"
Seth shrugs. "Thanks," he says with a smile.
"You need to talk to Summer," Ryan notifies.
Seth nods. He knows.
Summer opens the door to her room, seeing it's Seth.
"Oh, hey Cohen," she says quietly.
Seth breathes in. "Can I come in?" he asks.
"I rather you not make yourself too cozy," sheanswers bitterly, "I'm not planning on having you stay for too long, I'm sure you have to leave me and then beg for my attention, and then go off and have sex with Marissa,"
Seth nods. "Deserved that," he acknowledges.
"Cohen, I gave up so much for you, and then you screw my best friend. You deserve a little more," she snaps.
"I wanted to apologize. Which I'm doing now... I'm sorry," Seth states, pleading.
"Good luck, then, because I'm not going to accept," Summer replies, "Do you love her?"
Seth shrugs. "I…maybe," he responds.
"Do you love me?" she asks softly, her tough demeanor gone.
Summer's different to Seth in that way. She likes to keep up her layers, but then in one moment, they can all peel away.
Seth shrugs again. He wants his feelings to be sorted out, to be completely clear. Light and dark. Black and white. Somehow, all of his feelings for two girls have fallen into gray.
"You've never been good at making choices, so I'll make this one for you," Summer says.
She slams the door so hard Seth swears he hears it crack.
She opens the door again to look at him. "Look, thanks for apologizing but…I'm gonna have some trouble with you guys. But…" she stops.
Seth nods. "Thanks," he says with a light smile.
Marissa shows up at Seth's front door at one in the morning, crying.
"He's gone," she says through her tears.
Seth wraps her up and can feel the goose bumps on her skin. He still can't believe it. Her father really left her.
"He said he would take care of me, but he just left me to live with my psycho-bitch mom," she murmurs into his neck.
Seth gets a feeling of familiarity and realizes that he's been in the position before. It's amazing to him how he can be so selfish one second and comforting someone else the next.
"We all have to be selfish sometimes, M," he says.
Marissa nods. "I thought he'd be able to get a job here but…" she stops and closes her eyes to soak up the darkness.
Seth closes his eyes with her, never wanting to open them.
"I need you," she whispers.
Seth finds her face and kisses her deeply. "I need you, too," he whispers back and remembers when they said that to each other the first time.
Seth intertwines his fingers into hers as they lay on the sand. "We're gonna get arrested for being here this late," she says, looking up into his chocolate eyes.
"I thought we'd get in trouble for the candles," he replies, a shiver going through his body as Marissa runs her foot up and down his leg.
"Maybe," she whispers.
Silence fills the secluded beach to let the sound of crashing waves ring. "Are we crazy?" Marissa asks.
Seth kisses her skin, right under her ear where he knows it tickles and pulls her closer so he can feel her next to him, know where she is, make sure she can never get away.
"No. Just selfish and stupid," he replies with a smile.
"Well, we do have an open flame near our heads. Maybe we are," she says.
"Would that be so bad?" Seth asks with a smile.
Marissa shakes her head and blows out the candles that are above them."I like it to be dark," she comments.
They kiss slowly, making it last for as long as they can. "Me too," Seth whispers. He's afraid to be any louder or he'll break the peaceful cover over their relationship. It can't last, something will get shifted and shaken, but they're both keep it steady for as long as they can. And when it's shifted, they'll put it back.
They hold on to each other and close their eyes.
Maybe she loves him. Maybe he loves her. Maybe they're still in love with the people they ran away from. Love isn't essential to their relationship.
One day they'll be able to be in the light, but right now, the darkness will shade their emotions, and they're okay.
complete