Chapter 1.
My eyes stared deeply at my bleach white wall. All the records. All the pointless memories that flooded through my fucking brain. I sat down, falling back on the puke green couch. Clenching my fists, I looked down. I hid the sobs. I hid the pain away from everybody. No one knew the shit I was going through. The pain. The misery that was going through my body. It was worse than when Carlisle made me what I am. A monster. A vampire. A cold killer. No life to spare. Nothing to give anymore. He took everything away from me. I couldn't be saved anymore. There wasn't anything to do. She wasn't coming back. I tried… but I couldn't. My whole world was stripped from under me that day. If only I was faster.
I screamed. I screamed into the nothingness. The darkness had wrapped its cold, slimy hand around me. I couldn't breathe. Even though I couldn't already. Whatever, you get the fucking drift. I grabbed a book from my couch, launching it at my record player. It shattered, and the book left a large crack on my white walls. I buried my face in my hands, letting everything out. The sobs. The cries. The moans. The screams. It was pointless to keep everything on the inside now. It wouldn't change anything. "Edward…"
My golden eyes looked up at the sound of my name. Alice was standing at the doorway. She looked worse than I did. Her shiny brown hair had lost its shine. It laid flat against her head, dull and lifeless. She was wearing a sweater of Jasper's and sweat pants. The beauty was leaving her. Without a word, I stood up, walking away from my sister. I stood at the empty door; staring out at the forest outside of this façade, I called a home. Then a touch. I turned around, seeing Alice. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and her eyes were bloodshot. I could tell she was in a lot of pain. But nothing compared to what was going through my mind. "I'm sorry… I should've seen this," she whispered. I scoffed, shaking my head as I leaned in. I stared at Alice dead in the eye. Both our golden eyes met. Electricity sparked between us as I opened my lips. "You should've tried harder, Alice. Out of all people I know, you've could've fucking prevented this," I roared. Alice backed away from my screams. I knew she was scared. And I scared myself at this time. I backed away from her, turning back around and looking at the large trees. My hand pressed against the frame of the door. I sighed, feeling more tears streaming down my face. I wanted to forget all of this. I wanted it to go away. I wanted to be me again. Stuff just wasn't the same anymore. "I'm sorry for snapping," I stated after a moment of silence. "It's… its okay," Alice whispered. She sniffled, and I knew she was crying. Turning only my head around, I stared at Alice. She had her face deep in her hands. And I could hear the sobs. We both were the ones most affected by all of this. She knew that. I knew that. Carlisle and Esme both knew that. So did everyone else. My feet carried me to Alice, and I hugged her tightly. My arms held her close to me as I heard her sobs. My shirt would be ruined, but I really didn't give a fuck about my appearance.
And then I caught myself in the mirror. My bronze hair was dull, almost orange now. It was even more of a mess than usual. My golden eyes were bloodshot like Alice's and swollen from crying. We looked like identical twins right now. I felt her pull back from the hug, and stared at me. "It wasn't your fault," she said. And that opened another can of worms. I didn't know what to say at that moment. What was there to say anyways? Oh, I know. It's your fucking fault because you couldn't see that the road wasn't actually blocked off by the cops and that it was a trap. That wouldn't play well. Both Alice and I both stood in my room. "I'm gonna go now," she said. I watched her walk away. She walked slow, as if savoring the smell of her. And she stopped at the doorway. One last sniffle and a few more tears. Then she was out. I was alone. Alone in this world and fucked up-ness. I fell on the couch, staring at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, letting myself fall into a state of unconscious. I wasn't asleep, since that wasn't possible. But I was lost in my brood. The word was dark now. I began breathing now. I didn't need to, but it felt right. I forced myself into a slow, steady rhythm. One, two. One, two. Oh, how splendid it would be if I could actually sleep and never wake up from my slumber. The screams.
The cries of pain.
My heavy footsteps.
My sobs.
His laughter.
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. We were in that ballet studio. Bella lied on the floor, crying. I stared at her, a look of anguish in my eyes. Across the dance floor was that slimy fuck.
"Edward… glad you made it," James said. Without any hesitation, I flung myself at James. I spear tackled him into a mirror. The glass shattered around us. I drove my fist into his face. The sound of his jaw snapping made me wince slightly. He looked back at me, chuckling. He popped his jaw back in, rolling his neck as he smirked at his evil smirk at me. Worry swept over me. I knew that this was going to be a brawl. My slight hesitation let him grab me by the throat. I grimaced, feeling him lift me in the air. I went through the wooden floor with tremendous force. "You always were a weak one," James snarled. He picked me up again, tossing me across the room. I slammed through the wooden doors of the studio, feeling my back crack. I fell to the floor in a heap, my legs feeling numb. I looked up, seeing James standing over Bella. He kneeled next to her, never taking his eyes off of me.
I opened my eyes, sitting up quickly. I ran a hand through my knots of hair, looking around. I couldn't even close my eyes and rest. This was such bullshit. I felt defeated. Like I was lost and wasn't going to come back. I felt sick to my stomach. The room started to spin. Nausea swept over me. I didn't know how this was possible, but it was killing me. I fell to my knees, and let that feeling sweep over me. My palms pressed against the carpeted floor. The tears came back. Fuck, I hate crying. They splashed on the soft carpet as I choked back sobs. I didn't want this pain.
I wanted it gone. It wasn't worth going through anymore. I needed a way out.
Rising to my feet, I stormed out of the room. Down the stairs. I passed by my parents, ignoring their cries for me. I walked by Emmett and Rosalie, who just watched as I strolled away. Jasper was nowhere to be seen. And Alice was at the front door. I pushed myself around her, pulling the door open. "Edward, stop," the powerful voice of Carlisle echoed in my ears. I stopped, as I was halfway out the door. With a sigh, I turned back around, meeting my father's bold stare. He placed his hand on my shoulder, his stern look being replaced with a pleading look. "Don't do anything stupid," he begged. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. And I brushed him away, slamming the door behind me.