Cold.
That was all anyone felt in the dry heat outside of the hospital. Nothing could eliminate the harsh shiver that seemed to overcome them.
The shock of Beth's death was still fresh in their minds as they walked on. Glenn held onto Maggie as if his life depended on it, because he knew if he let her go, she would fall and never get back up again. Losing her father was horrible enough, but she had just returned to find her last relative, her best friend, her sister, murdered.
Rick and Carl huddled together, and Tyreese comforted Carol, but the one unaccounted for was the one most affected by the tragedy.
Daryl had carried her body without a single sound. Her limp head bobbed against his arm as he walked, and he did everything he could to make sure she was comfortable, though it wouldn't make a difference. Silent tears fell down his face as her crimson blood seeped down his forearms.
The group moved on, heading for the outskirts of Atlanta. She would be at peace there, Rick had said. They all trusted this was true. Daryl looked down at the girl in his arms. Her face was calm, undisturbed. Without the gashes and the bullet hole, she looked as if she could be asleep.
Did he love her?
He couldn't answer that question himself.
Beth Greene had been the single most impactful person in his entire life. After a childhood of neglect and an adult life of horror and death, he didn't think he could ever feel hopeful. He had abandoned all ideas that there was still good in this world.
She had insisted otherwise, and her ever-present positivity had swayed his mind.
She gave him reasons and told him stories of how the good had not vanished from the world, but little did she know, that her just being there was all the good he needed to witness. She was the single ray of sunshine peaking through the clouds in his stormy life, the promising light at the end of the tunnel.
And as she pressed into him, as the light grew stronger, he opened up to her. He let her into his soul. Her innocence was so powerful that he forgot all of her little quirks
She was undoubtedly beautiful, anyone would have seen it, and sometimes, she was too talkative. He remembered being annoyed when she said it, thinking she was out of her mind.
"You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon."
Now, with her words ringing in his ears, he wished he had listened to her. He wished he hadn't brushed it off. He wished he had trusted her and believed that she would be right, because at that moment, no other sentence could have been closer to the truth.
If he was being completely honest, he didn't remember killing Dawn. From the moment Beth stepped up to her, until right now, everything was a blur. If he hadn't been carrying Beth's body, he could swear she was walking just behind him, and he could turn around and see her lively face at any moment.
But he couldn't.
It was a mix of shock, anger and fear that caused him to pull the trigger on Dawn. Shock from what had happened, anger for Beth's murder, and fear that he would never be able to see or talk to her again.
In his mind, it was justifiable, even if killing Beth was an accident.
Because with that one 'accidental' bullet, his ray of sunshine, the light at the end of his tunnel, vanished forever.
No longer could he see long, wavy blonde hair and think of the bright side of things, no longer could he look into her baby blue eyes and somehow know that evil had not won.
No longer did he have someone who knew him, knew his heart, his soul, and not abandon him.
As he walked, not only did he begin to feel the weight of her body, but the even more crushing reality of her death. As much as he wished them away, his tears would not stop. They were pouring out of him like the words he never said to her.
He wondered if this was what love is.
Her age didn't matter. In a post-apocalyptic world where everyone is fighting to save themselves, age was just a number. The thing that truly mattered was much bigger than that. It was the miracle of finding someone who not only makes you forget the massacre going on around you, but who allows you to feel even a shred of happiness in the dark times.
That was Beth.
Beth was his shred of happiness.
And maybe he did love her.
Maybe he loved the girl who, despite knowing all his demons, stayed just as positive, just as endearing to him. Maybe he loved the girl who knew he would be just as good of company as 10 walkers, but didn't give him up. Maybe he loved the girl who really brought out the best in him.
She had brightened his days, made his nights less lonely. She had reminded him what it was like to be more than just a survivor in a messed-up world. She had taught him that living was different than surviving, and that if he wanted this life to be anything, he would have to start doing a little bit of both.
Beth Greene had reminded him what it was like to have hope, and he didn't dare forget that.
Now, he will never be able to tell her stories of his childhood, and he will never be able to hear another one of her buoyant plans for reuniting everyone, but he wasn't bothered.
He knew they would meet again someday, and he would tell her of all his adventures, and she would smile and listen. The thought of seeing her again, even if it was in a different life, gave him hope.
Hope that he knew she planted in his brain. Hope he never thought he would ever feel again.
When he buried her, he made a silent promise to never give up the hope that she gave him. He apologized for not being able to protect her, and assured her that they would see each other again.
He knew it would take time to get over her. Her memory would be his rain for a while before blossoming into his rainbow. And he refused to ever forget her.
Everyone, especially Daryl Dixon, knew that Beth Greene would not be so easily forgotten.