Hello, I am Charlene Desman,
I represent Life Time United, and I wanted to personally thank you for purchasing you own personal Emmett Cullen. Inside this booklet you will learn what to expect once you bring your Emmett Cullen home. You will also learn to care for you Emmett Cullen.
You may be wondering why we sent you this manual before the product. It is essential that you know what will happen when Your Personal Emmett Cullen arrives.
Your purchase of you personal Emmett Cullen is important for very many reasons to us. Every purchase of and Emmett Cullen brings us closer to gaining an Edward Cullen and Jasper Hale. We greatly appreciate you purchase and hope you enjoy your personal Emmett Cullen.
Sincerley
Charlene Desman
SECTION ONE... INTRODUCTION
This is your personal Emmett Cullen. He is Emmett Cullen in every way, shape and form. Like the reall Emmett Cullen, your Emmett Cullen is a vampire who must live off of blood to survive. (Please refer to section two) He is yours for the keeping. Your personal Emmett Cullen cannot be lost. He will develope an instant bond upon arrival to your home. He will be able to find you upon a moments notice. He may find you at inconvenient times but he will also be there when ever you need him.
Upon arrival to your home, we are no longer responisble for the actions of Emmett Cullen. So please refrain from complaining when your Personal Emmett Cullen does something completely outrageous like prank calls to the white house that are in reality bomb threats labeled as pranks because as you know your Personal Emmett Cullen doesn't know how to draw the line when it comes to pranks.
What will I learn in the next section?
In the next section you will learn the complete essentials. You will learn to care for you Personal Emmett Cullen. (Because if you Personal Emmett Cullen is neglected and not cared for he may go to one of your friends Personal Volturi and may not come back... we do not provide refunds if this happens... so don't ask)
You will also learn a few easy ways to keep your Emmett Cullen happy and cared will also discover a surprise.
SECTION TWO... CARING FOR YOUR PERSONAL EMMETT
As I mentioned in Section One, Your Personal Emmett Cullen is a vampire who needs blood to survive. Do not panic, Your Personal Emmett Cullen is a vegetarian vampire, (only feeds off animals).But as you know the urge for human blood will always be there. To keep him from hunting humans, simply allow him to go hunting once or twice a week while you sleep. He will be happy and you may find that the wild animal population in your area shrinking, so encourage Your Personal Emmett Cullen not to hunt to often in one general area.
Once Your Personal Emmett Cullen returns from a hunt, he may be covered in animal blood and looking like he just got in a real nasty fight. it is important that you change his clothes so no one notices. If people find out he is a vampire, someones Personal Volturi may come and "deal" with Your Personal Emmett Cullen. (As mentioned before, we do not provide refund on this occasion.
A few simple ways to keep Your Personal Emmett Cullen out of trouble are:
-Give him a joke book, it will keep him busy for hours.
-Send him hunting.
-Entertain him. And get those dirty thoughts out of your mind. That was not the type of entertainment I was talking about.
-Play pranks with him (you will be least likely to be targeted in a prank this way.
Also, with your purchase of Your Personal Emmett Cullen, you will receive, Your Personal Rosalie Hale, for Your Personal Emmett Cullen.
Please be warned:
-Your Personal Emmett Cullen is not good with rules. They must be stated to him on a daily bases.
-Your Personal Emmett Cullen may follow you to school and other places he isn't meant to and because he is there, Your Personal Rosalie Hale will follow him. It will probably be in you best interest to have them registered into your classes.
-Your Personal Emmett Cullen and Your Personal Rosalie Hale are not programed to be shy about their relationship. It is in your better interest to give them their own room. Since they don't sleep, they need to keep themselves busy somehow.
-Your Personal Emmett Cullen may land you in jail or grounded on occasion. We are not responsible for this, so don't bother complaining.
-Your Personal Emmett Cullen is extremely protective. Do not expect very many people to be able to come within spitting distance of you.
Once again, thank you for purchasing Your Personal Emmett Cullen. We hope you enjoy him (But not too much, or your Personal Rosalie Hale might get angry). He will be on your doorstep two second after you read this sentance meaning your period for a refund has now ended. Please enjoy.