While I originally intended to start out with something more serious for my first Elfen Lied Fanfic, I changed my mind and decided to do something more humor-filled. Although I am still working on something serious. But for now, just enjoy this humor filled adventure.
Warnings: Strange humor ahead. You probably won't get some of these if you haven't read the manga.
Disclaimer: I don't own Elfen Lied, Lynn Okamato does.
1. Nousou's Creepy Obsession.
To be honest, there were a great number of things that The Agent was willing to overlook. But out of all the things that happened at the facility, this one was undoubtedly the most disturbing of them all. One that she couldn't completely ignore.
"Nousou, we need to talk." She said bluntly.
He looked up from the Sunday morning newspaper.
"Oh god. This is about the photo shoot the other day, isn't it? For the last time, I seriously had no idea it was for a porno magazine until AFTER they asked us to take our clothes off!"
"DAMNIT NOUSOU! THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT DAMN PHOTO SHOOT!"
"Oh. So what's the problem then?"
The Agent looked over at Cynthia, Alicia, Barbara and Diana. All of them dressed in blatantly provocative lolicon maid outfits. She couldn't help but roll her eyes behind her shades.
'Gee willickers, I don't know. Maybe your creepy obsession with Mariko for starters.' She thought bitterly to herself before sighing in defeat. "It's nothing Nousou."
If he couldn't see it, why should she even try.
2. Randall Flagg is Gay? (A/N: I partly blame Gojirob for this one.)
The staff of the facility were enjoying breakfast in the mess hall when Sunglasses walked into the room, looking none too pleased.
"Alright, so which one of you idiots put this bumper sticker on the front of my hat!" He yelled at the assembled people.
Everyone looked at the bumper sticker.
It said: "Creepy Randall Flagg Look-A-Like is a Supporter of Gay Pride!"
The assembled people broke down into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Sunglasses quickly fled the room while cursing under his breath.
3. The Things Yuka's Mother Did.
Kouta couldn't believe what he had just found. He had been cleaning the Kaede Inn when he'd found a personal diary of Yuka's Mother.
'Oh, what delectable secrets do we have here?' Kouta cackled as he opened the book.
Five minutes later, Kouta was seen speeding down the road in a taxi while the terrified driver sat in the back seat. The taxi screeched to halt in front of Yuka's Mother's house. Kouta sprinted into the house and burst into the dining room. He tossed the diary into the older woman's confused face.
"YOU? MY DAD? DOING THAT NOT EVEN A YEAR AFTER YOUR HUSBANDS DEATH? SERIOUSLY?"
Yuka's Mother shrugged. "What can I say? He was hot..."
"UGH! I CANNOT UNSEE WHAT I HAVE JUST SEEN! GAH, MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!"
She continued eating her somen noodles without a problem.
4. The Horrible Truth is Revealed.
"So, how long have you been lying to me?" Kouta asked Yuka.
"Hmm? What do you mean Kouta? Yuka replied
"I think you know what I mean Yuka-CHAN... or should I say Yuka-KUN!" Kouta cried.
He slammed down a file onto the table. Nana, Mayu and Nozomi all gasped as they read the official documents stating that Yuka had undergone a sex-change operation to become a women five years ago.
"Oh, you mean that? Well, I had women-like tedencies and a feminine figure. So I thought, why not..."
"WAIT A MINUTE! THIS MEANS I DIDN'T LIE TOO NYU ALL THOSE YEARS AGO! I MADE THE MORALLY RIGHT DECISION AND I STILL GOT SCREWED OVER FOR IT! AND IT"S ALL BECAUSE MY ONLY COUSIN WAS AN EFFEMINATE CROSS-DRESSER! WHY GOD, WHYYYYYY!"
Kouta cried hysterically while the others just sweet dropped.
5. Death isn't the end, it's only the beginning.
"This is for killing ME!" Professor Kakuzawa screamed, smashing his fist into Lucy's face.
"And this," Tomoo said before kicking Lucy in the stomach, "is for killing ME!"
"THIS IS FOR KILLING ME!" Mariko roared, brutally pummeling Lucy with her many vectors.
"YOU WILL PAY FOR KILLING US!"
Kaede couldn't help but stare at the HUGE crowd of spirits waiting in line for, according too the sign, a chance too beat up Lucy for five-hundred yen a minute.
She saw Kanae with a baseball bat, Kouta's Father with a pair of boxing gloves, Chief Kakuzawa with a crowbar, her half brother with a golf club, Sunglasses with his crossbow, Cynthia and Alicia readying their vectors, that damn traitor girl with a gun, and numerous other people Lucy had killed in her lifetime, brandishing various weapons.
Kaede wondered who was responsible for this. She walked along the line until she reached the front desk. Kaede, much to her great surprise, found the last, possibly first, person she expected operating the counter.
"NYU! What the hell do you think your doing!" Kaede cried.
Nyu smiled innocently at her twin self. "I'm making some money. What does it look like I'm doing." She said as though stating the obvious.
Kaede face palmed herself. "Why should I allow you to continue doing this?"
Nyu continued to smile innocently. "Because I'm going to be reincarnated as Kouta's daughter-"
"Nyu," Kaede interupted, "I think that is hardly grounds for you too-"
"-And she's going to be reincarnated as your twin sister."
"THIS IS FOR KILLING ME!" Kaede screamed, handing Nyu five-hundred yen before she began stomping on Lucy, who's body was starting to look oddly similar to how it did when she died.
'Ah yes, the after life is so wonderful.' Nyu thought too herself as she counted her profits, a rather creepily content smile on her face.
Some of these idea's just sort of came to me, others are parodies of jokes I heard. The Randall Flagg Joke was based my off something my favorite Elfen Lied Fanfiction writer pointed out. The author, Gojirob, pointed out similarities between Sunglasses and one of Stephen Kings characters, Randall Flagg, in a a forum page he/she did. Gojirob sort of poked at the subject again in his story Anna and the WouldBe King.
Well, only one last thing to do before I sign off for the evening. Love it, hate it, just plain don't get it.
Please review and tell me what you think!