To train with King Kai you must tell a funny joke, but do we ever see how Piccolo, Tien, Yamcha, and Chaotzu fair with this task?
YAMCHA THE BANDIT
"To train with me you must pass the ultimate test," King Kai paused. "No matter how strong you are, this task will be a challenge for you unlike any other."
King Kai looked at each potential student in the eye, hoping to catch a glimpse of fear. Piccolo stood straight, looking at King Kai with an intrigued expression. Tien's face showed no emotion as he mentally prepared for what he thought would be a perilous battle. Chaotzu twiddled his thumbs and looked at Tien for guidance, if the china doll look alike trusted anyone; it was the giant with three eyes. Yamcha had a cocky grin on his face, by his eyes held the truth. On the inside the scar faced warrior was feeling nervous, perhaps even scared.
King Kai let an amused smile hover on his face for only a second before he was back to business, with a serious expression.
"Well? Get on with it!" Piccolo impatiently yelled.
The blue cat fish replica known as King Kai sighed at his future student's 't he let a Kai have some fun every now in then? Apparently not, King Kai realized as Piccolo began to tap his foot.
"To pass my test, and therefore become one of my students, you must," King Kai paused dramatically as the dead Z fighters caught his each and every word, "Tell a joke that will make me laugh! But before you say I didn't warn you, I must say that I have a selective sense of humor."
Piccolo started spluttering like Vegeta had just pronounced that Goku was his one and only love, and that the only reason he assisted in killing some of Goku's friends was because he was jealous. Yamcha looked like Bulma had told him she used to be a man named Bulam. Tien looked like Launch had appeared with some handcuffs and a platter of pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse. Chaotzu looked like he had won the Miss Japan beauty Pageant with flying colors and was receiving an all expense free vacation to Hawaii.
"Who's first?" King Kai asked the four shocked and quite dead Z fighters.
The gears grinding slowly inside of Yamcha's head were visibly turning as he mentally opened up his manilla Jokes folder. After a minute or two of careful consideration, Yamcha strutted on up next to King Kai and pointed his thumb at his own chest.
"I, The Brave, Magnificent, Fearless, Just, Honest, Wise, Noble, Chivalrous, Kind, Helpful, Considerate, and Honorable Yamcha of Earth shall go first!" Yamcha proclaimed.
King Kai turned to face the former desert bandit as a smile grew on his face. With each word Yamcha said, King Kai's cheeks went higher and higher until he just couldn't take it anymore.
"BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S A GOOD ONE! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!" King Kai exclaimed.
"Wha-what? That's a good one? I didn't tell my joke yet!" Yamcha complained.
"Wait…..You were serious?" King Kai clarified, not believing that someone could say something that funny by accident. He clearly had not met or heard of the beloved desert bandit/baseball star called Yamcha.
Yamcha's cheeks were a brighter red than the aura from Goku's Kaioken technique and Bulma's awful red scarlet dress combined. Poor Yamcha had just come to the realization that King Kai thought he was joking about all of the excellent traits that had attracted so many females.
First, a Saibamen self destructed, killing him right after he was on a roll. Then he's the last person to make it to King Kai's, even though he was the first to die. But what really took the cake was the King Kai thought his monologue was a JOKE! Today was certainly not his lucky day…
PICCOLO, MA JUNIOR
While Yamcha the Bandit was off pouting in a corner, King Kai was finally calming down from his laughter fit. He had been laughing for twelve hours straight. How exactly the Z fighters came to that conclusion wasn't all too much of a mystery. Chaotzu had been practicing his math skills by counting each second, minute, and hour on a pad of paper he found in King Kai's house. Chaotzu knew that if somehow he could show his beloved teacher, Mrs. Hatechildren, she would be very proud.
But as all laughter fits have to end, King Kai's was no exception. Regaining a serious mask, the blue Kai stood up from the ground and brushed the grass off of himself in the most dignified way possible. Eying the three remaining potential pupils, he wondered which one would be brave enough to take his test next. After all, it was the very test that reduced Yamcha to behaving like a four year old who didn't get what he wanted for his birthday.
"Now that Yamcha has accidentally passed my ultimate test, who would like to go next?" King Kai asked the three dead warriors.
Silence, complete and utter silence rang throughout the small planet. It was so quiet that it actually made Piccolo's ears hurt. After all he had spent six months with a talkative four year old.
"Right," King Kai said. "Since none of you show any desire to volunteer I must bring out…The Wheel."
Everyone's attention was focused on King Kai again, as it should've been in the first place. What was 'The Wheel?' Piccolo pondered. In all his years he had NEVER heard anything like it. Chaotzu knew what a wheel was, since the other students tied him to one and spinned and spinned and spinned and spinned….. But he couldn't understand why King Kai would want to tie him to one. Tien was very nervous since he was the one who had to pull Chaotzu off of the wheel. He never understood how the duck tape the other students used could withstand a tri beam with every bit of ki he had. Ah, the wonders of duck tape!
"Gregory! Bring out The Wheel!" King Kai shouted to the heavens, or in his case, his home.
The tough little cricket saluted King Kai and vowed to sacrifice his life if needed, on this bold and dangerous task. After Tien and Chaotzu had finished five staring contests and Chaotzu was declared the winner, Gregory finally returned with The Wheel. Somehow, he was able to pull it, despite that fact that he was the size of a fly in comparison to it.
It was pink, fluffy, and radiated cuteness. It looked like something Hello Kitty would use, not something that King Kai of the North Quadrant would ever dream of even owning. It was divided into three sections where there were crude drawings of a bald Barbie doll, a gecko, and an alien from Ben Ten.
"Thank you Gregory, now I will spin The Wheel to decide who goes first," King Kai announced.
Right after overcoming the shock of the very girly wheel, the three dead fighters realized that the hideous pictures were of them. The bald Barbie doll, Piccolo realized was supposed to be Chaotzu. The alien from Ben Ten was a sad attempt of recreating Tien. And the most horrifying of all was that the Gecko was Piccolo himself.
King Kai approached The Wheel and grabbed the plush, soft, and fuzzy purple handle and spun as hard as he could. Round and round and round The Wheel spun, never slowing down at all, never ceasing in its attempt to make whoever watched it very, very dizzy.
Eventually Piccolo had enough of this foolishness. He wanted to train so he could become stronger than Vegeta, so he raised his arm and sent a ki blast at the wheel. Expecting for it to stop spinning immediately, Piccolo smirked smugly at King Kai. It seemed to everyone as if the world started to move in slow motion as the ki blast grew closer and closer to the wheel…..
It hit the wheel dead on.
But alas, King Kai spent good money for that wheel and wouldn't want anyone to damage it accidentally while they trained. So he had an extra thick layer of pink duck tape to cover The Wheel, making him the only one without an amazed expression on their face as the ki blast rebounded off of The Wheel…
And hit Yamcha in the eye, rendering him unconscious.
Not bothering to wait for the dead fighters to come to their senses, King Kai mentally made the decision of who would take the test next.
"Now, since you ever so kindly tried to destroy The Wheel, you will be taking the test next," King Kai added, "Piccolo."
Piccolo smirked at King Kai and closed his eyes in concentration. King Kai raised an eyebrow at this odd behavior and decided to put a stop to it.
"Well? What are you waiting for?" King Kai complained.
Opening his eyes, Piccolo took a deep breath as he recalled some of the jokes that Gohan had told him. Sure, they seemed stupid at the time but right now they came in handy. Piccolo made a mental note to 'thank' Gohan with a curt nod in his direction next time he saw him.
"What did the digital clock say to the Grandfather clock?" Piccolo asked.
"I don't know," King Kai said, intrigued with the punch line to this odd joke.
"Look Grandpa! No Hands!" Piccolo said in his usual monotone.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! NO HANDS! THAT'S HILARIOUS!" King Kai yelled.
Wanting to hear more of Piccolo's ingenious jokes, King Kai crafted a very tricky plan. No one had ever told him about karma, and if they did, he wouldn't listen to them.
"But since you tried to break my wheel you have to tell me three jokes instead of one!" The Blue Kai smirked at Piccolo, waiting for his 'treats'.
Piccolo, uncharacteristically, rolled his eyes at the Kai, "What lights up a soccer stadium?" Piccolo asked.
"TELL ME!" King Kai demanded.
"A soccer match," Piccolo answered lazily.
"HAHAHAHAHA! A SOCCER MATCH! THAT'S GOLDEN!" King Kai exclaimed like a little girl.
"Why was the little strawberry crying?" Piccolo asked, making it very clear that he was bored out of his mind.
"TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!" King Kai said.
"His parents were in a jam," Piccolo responded.
"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU'VE PASSED MY TEST! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" King Kai screamed as he rolled on the ground, clutching his stomach as if each laugh hurt him.
"And you call yourself a Kai," Piccolo said in disgust as he walked away to meditate. It seems anyone can become a Kai nowadays, he thought to himself.
TIEN SHINHAN, "THREE EYES"
King Kai forced himself to concentrate as Piccolo began to meditate, he couldn't just demand jokes all day. He had to keep it nice and balanced, one after breakfast and one before bed would do the trick. And three during training…and seven while waiting for the food to finish…
He was one happy Kai.
"Now then, we only have Tien and Doll Face left to take the test," King Kai said.
"HEY! My name is Chaotzu!" The little man protested.
Sashaying forward, Chaotzu floated up to King Kai's height and whispered seductively in his ear, like a Greek Siren. "But you can call me doll face anytime you like…."
The next thing King Kai knew he was lying on the ground with Chaotzu and Tien staring at him oddly. Tien offered him his hand and pulled him up to his feet, checking him for any signs of illness.
"King Kai? Are you all right?" Tien asked his face full of concern.
Realizing that he had been hallucinating, King Kai shook his head to clear it of his perverted thoughts. "BAD King Kai, VERY BAD King Kai," he repeated to himself until he had reclaimed the nerve to look his possible students in the eyes.
"Where were we?" King Kai mumbled, still feeling a little dazed.
"You just said 'Now then, we only have Tien and Chaotzu left to take the test'," Gregory reported perfectly.
Good, King Kai thought, how embarrassing it would be if I actually called Do- I mean Chaotzu that. Recovering from his mental bluff, King Kai turned to the floating cricket to give him the proper instructions.
"Now Gregory, I really would like to use The Wheel but we have it set up for three people right now….." King Kai informed his subject.
Nodding in understanding, the little cricket flew off to grab the necessary supplies. He pulled a piece of bark off of a tree, a little bit of the still unconscious Yamcha's hair, and some of the paint for King Kai's new car. Voila! Gregory the grasshopper had made a beautiful paint brush for The Wheel.
Without even stopping to admire his creation, Gregory flew over to the wheel and inspected the Gecko A.K.A. Piccolo drawing. Humming to himself as he worked, red paint was slathered on the brush and painted onto The Wheel. About three minutes later the little insect tossed aside his brush which went flying near the house.
It was just Yamcha's luck that he just began to wake up, he felt like someone was preparing to perform a ki blast in the face. The poor desert bandit did not know how right he was, as he turned his head at a perfect 45 degree angle. Yamcha was promptly stuck in the face by Gregory's paint brush, and he fell unconscious once more. This time, his hair was a lovely shade of red that complimented his purple and yellow bruises quite nicely.
Poor, poor Yamcha. Did he ever even have a lucky day?
Gregory stepped, or floated, away from The Wheel and King Kai was able to inspect his work. It still had a bald Barbie doll and a Ben Ten alien, but the Piccolo/Gecko had a red eye in the middle and a HUGE grin. Everyone, especially Tien, sweated nervously when they saw how Gregory had 'fixed' The Wheel.
"Thank you Gregory, Now let's FINALLY spin The Wheel!" King Kai exclaimed happily.
"WHAT!" Tien yelled.
"Whats the problem? The Wheel now has only two contestants on it instead of three!" King Kai stated.
"The problem is that two out of three possible outcomes are me!" Tien intelligently protested.
"So?" King Kai asked the bald three eyed warrior.
King Kai walked up to The Wheel despite the protests coming from Tien. Others in Chaotzu's position might have encouraged King Kai to spin the wheel but the small warrior didn't have the capability to be mean to Tien. Tien was the one who ordered the Meat Lover's pizza each Thursday so Chaotzu had to have his priorities straight, after all the golden rule was 'pizza before Martial Arts training.' Mrs. Hatechildren would be very impressed with him!
King Kai grabbed the still fluffy pink handle and spun The Wheel. It spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun…..
Three days later and The Wheel finally stopped, and it seemed some of Yamcha's luck had transferred to Tien. It was pointing at the former Gecko/ Piccolo. Tien was up next.
"All right, Tien. I am ready for my joke," King Kai said in a haughty tone, he had gone three days without a chuckle and was very ready to hear a joke.
Tien tried to take a deep breath but instead took several shallow ones. He had Goosebumps on his arms from Gary the Goose pecking him a majority of the time The Wheel had spun. Piccolo had gotten annoyed with noise and….well…..Gary had a very lovely funeral scheduled for next week…
Tien decided that he would have to go old school, very old school.
"Why did the rooster cross the road?" Tien asked.
"I don't know," King Kai admitted
"To get to the other side!" Tien yelled to all who could hear.
Unlike Tien and everyone else had expected, King Kai did not find this funny at all. In fact, he yawned at Tien, showing that his sense of humor had been slightly underestimated.
"Knock, knock," Tien tried again.
"Who's there?" King Kai asked.
"Boo," Tien answered.
"Boo who?" King Kai said.
"Why are you crying?" Tien asked.
"I'm not crying!" King Kai protested.
"AGH!" Tien screamed as he pulled his non-existent hair out. "I'm going to have to use the big guns!"
"I'm waiting..." King Kai said in a sing song voice.
"There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead," Tien began, catching everyone's attention. "They were stranded on a desert island when they found a genie who would give them each one wish."
"Why not Shenrong? He grants wishes!" Chaotzu pointed out.
"Because I said it was a genie," Tien continued, "The brunette wished for food because you can't survive without food. The redhead wished for water because you need water to live. The blonde wished for a car door that way she could roll down the window when it gets hot!"
"That was amusing," King Kai chuckled. "Not the best humor I've ever heard but it will have to do, you passed."
Tien's eyes widened when one of the most popular jokes of all time was deemed amusing by King Kai. Shaking his head in disbelief, Tien walked over to a tree and banged his head against it until it fell over….
…and crushed Yamcha.
CHAOTZU, "CHINA DOLL"
The day had finally come…..and passed. Another day had come…..and that one passed too….. The sun rose in the sky…and then it set. This time the sun was determined to hang in the sky, it wasn't coming down any time soon. Not even the wrath of Son ChiChi, Bulma Briefs, and Prince Vegeta combined could make that sun set. Bulma would know, she had tried several times and she didn't even come close.
But now was not the time to convince the sun that it was okay to set, now was the time for Chaotzu to take his test. Now, Chaotzu went to school whenever he could and it was a surprising amount given his career as a Z fighter. He considered himself to be a teacher's pet since Mrs. Irene Hatechildren had never chucked books, desks, chairs, microscopes, and the occasional student at his head.
But Chaotzu knew some things that Mrs. Hatechildren found funny but didn't understand why. He didn't get why King Kai found some of the jokes funny when he didn't understand him. Why does it matter what people's hair color was anyway? So, the china doll look alike thought that King Kai would find the same things funny that Mrs. Hatechildren did.
"You ready, Chaotzu?" King Kai asked.
Chaotzu replied, "uh huh! Mrs. Hatechildren thought this was funny so I think you will too, King Kai."
"All right, let's begin," King Kai said eagerly.
"It was April fool's day and Mrs. Hatechildren had her boyfriend, Mr. Dislikekids, tell the class a story," Chaotzu began.
"I thought you said she was a misses?" Yamcha said, holding ice to the various bruises on his face.
"She's married to Mr. Hatechildren," Chaotzu said nonchalantly, like it didn't matter that his teacher was cheating on her husband.
Yamcha's eyes widened to the point that the bruise on his forehead was underneath his bangs. It was an impressive feat.
"So Mr. Dislikekids turned off the lights and got this weird smile on his face," Chaotzu said. "It really scared us. So he said: Years ago there was a girl named Evelyn and a boy named Michael. Evelyn and Michael were on a date when they turned on the radio. On the news was a report of a man with an escaped mental patient with violent tendencies who had a hook for a hand. The couple kept on driving when they heard a tap on the car windshield. Michael hit the gas but it was too late, the man was inside the car. Those teens were never seen again, but on April fool's day every year, he looks for people named Michael and Evelyn to add to his collection."
What kind of psychopath thought this was humor? Yamcha wondered.
"Then Mr. Dislikekids pointed at Evelyn Addams and screamed. Then she started shaking and crying on Michelle Andrew's shoulder and the entire time Mrs. Hatechildren was laughing her head off," Chaotzu finished.
"Your teacher thought this was funny?" Yamcha asked.
"Yeah, she was laughing so hard she started bleeding," Chaotzu said.
"Chaotzu, is there another teacher we can transfer you to?" Tien mumbled.
"Mr. Despiseyoungsters," Chaotzu answered.
"Hey! He was my high school teacher when Bulma made me go to school!" Yamcha exclaimed proudly.
"No wonder you're the way you are," Piccolo muttered contemptuously.
"What do you mean?" Yamcha questioned.
Not wanting to deal with the former desert bandit any longer, Piccolo powered up a VERY small ki blast and released it….
….knocking Yamcha out once more.
"Why don't you tell me something you find funny?" King Kai asked Chaotzu in a sweet and gentle tone.
Chaotzu's face lit up at the idea that King Kai would let him tell jokes he found funny! It was like Christmas had come early!
Chaotzu took a big, deep breath and opened the flood gate known as his mouth, "Why did the cookie go to the doctor?"
Not waiting for a response, Chaotzu blurted, "He was feeling crummy!"
King Kai started to chuckle but was interrupted by Chaotzu, "What are fishes favorite subjects? Fishics and Fishial Eductation!"
"What does a T-Rex think about school?" Chaotzu paused slightly, "its rooaaaaaaaaaaariiiiiiiing!"
"Okay! Okay! You passed!" King Kai said, gasping for breath
Not hearing the Kai because he was off in his own little world, Chaotzu continued, "What happens when an egg laughs? It cracks up!"
"STOP, YOUR'E KILLING ME!" King Kai yelled, shaking with uncontrollable laughter.
"Why did the cow go to the theater? It wanted to see a mooovie!" Chaotzu said.
"PLEASE! HAVE MERCY!" King Kai screamed, grinning widely.
"What do you do when your nose in on strike? Picket!" Chaotzu announced.
The jokes got cornier with each second that passed on the small world of the Kais. Poor King Kai, he should never have told Chaotzu to tell a joke.
"Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!"