'yo, you're probably wondering why i am talking to ya ne?' Came a cheerful voice from within the mind of a masked man. 'Well i guess you could say i know things. Like how all you little brat are just sitting there reading this on your phones, laptops, or PCs. But let get somethings straight. I, being the masked masked man, and not, i repeat! Not, Megatonus89, who in fact is *&*$&$ &$ &#$*... da'hell? Why can i say his name?...'

(AN: fat chance od that happening.)

'Awww! No fair!'

-an: great back to the story or i swear to which ever god or anceint being that created you, i will delete this story thus erasing your existence. Comprendà?-

'Fine, dumbass author. Always take away my fun.' Said the now sulking teen. 'Ok lets start with... the day i was reborn...'

-40 years ago-

Blood, lots of blood. His own blood seeping from the large gash in his neck nearly taking it clean off. This was how Wade Wilson was dying, he thought he had a healing factor, but it turned out that Stryker was being a limp dick asshole and turned it off. he felt sorry for his friend logan, being shot in the head with an Adamantium bullet, not once but twice. Oh he hate to feel that nasty headache... but his neck was killing him... hehe get it?

Poor SilverFox, she was such a hotty, only to die thanks to that genophobic asswipe. man he would hate to be Stryker, the number one rule about dealing with highly dangerous mutants like logan, well number one is dont kick him in the balls, but after that is down harm his woman. You are just asking for a claw punch to your balls.

By now, he could see the world fade into dark oblivion, until a shimmer of red was seen. that amazing beauty, damn if he was twenty years younger and back in high school, he would be over her in an instant.

He watch as she reached into her blouse, like fishing for something between her overly developed melons. To pull out... a chess piece? If his vocal cords still worked he would have sworn profanities that would make a sailor blush. That was until he saw that damn piece start to glow in an almost ominous red color.

"Rise from your brink of death, you will serve me as my loyal Rook. To protect and guard me from those that will wish harm on my person. I am Rias Germory, heiress to the Germory clan. You will be reborn as a devil. Stronger, faster then you have ever been before." The redhead teen looking girl said.

Just as his world fade to darkness, he felt a pull. Not just any pull a pull in his own soul.

-mind scape-

Standing alone in a blacked out world, in only those red pants and bare chest, Wade could say he was freaked out.

"My is this what's i have become, A bald old man that had his mouth sewn shut?" Came a younger voice, almost like a teenagers.

Turning to see a kid, looked to be a American/Japanese, blonde hair, blue eyes, tan skin... kinda like himself back when he was a ... kid. 'Damn please, dont be a spirit of one of my one kids from a one night stand.'

"the hell i am, i am Naruto Uzumaki, i am you... kinda, short version i could come up with is that Kami or God, not your Christian god, but the actual god, felt that i had to come back and fix some things, but i could come back as myself, so he made me take the body of my new self, in other words you go to heaven, and i take your place in this world. Your memories will be come mine, and i gain your personality traits... sadly. So we, you, I, us become one. And blah blah blah." Said the blonde teen. "Oh another thing that girl... hear older then you think too. Me? I am way way older. By few hundred thousand years. So what's it gonna be?"

"... tell me first what is the definition of insanity?" Wade asked the kid in front of him.

"Hmmm insanity... to do the something once and giving up and trying something new. If it doesn't work the first time, keep at until something does happen."

"Ha! Kid, you are just like me, or is it I'm just like you... papa?" Wade said with a humorous tone, as a wide grin made its way across his face.

"papa? Well fuck you sonny. Enjoy the afterlife." Naruto said as world they were in slowly changed, and Wade faded away.

-reality-

Azure blue eyes opened up only to look into Ocean blue eyes. The look of amazement in those eyes was breath taking.

Knowing in advance that his 30-some year old body reverted into a teenagers, Naruto Wade Wilson Uzumaki felt the need to make his first act in the world of the living memorable.

-SLAP!-

"hehe so totally worth it." Said the now bodiless head as it rolled away from his body. "Hey red, mind giving me a hand, or a foot, maybe your pelvis? Ow! Ok, no need to kick a man when he is down... or is it a head?"

"You are a sickening, piece of filth. Why did i bother saving you?" The young girl said in a scathing tone.

"Hey, you needed me, think of it a man that can't be killed, that could easily anger your enemies, and..." was what the head said before Rias watched it crawled towards his body using his tongue and quite a long one at that. "And damn near immortal."

"Your head is on backwards."

"Uh?" Looking down Naruto could see his own ass. "Hey, i have a pretty damn good looking ass. Welp, gotta fix this... this gonna be killer for my chiropractor."

In one sooth bone crunch second, Rias was mostly grossed out by the fact that the now rejuvenate man before her snapped his neck and twisted it around until it was facing forward.

"Eh eh, that tinged. So sweetcheeks, tell me. Why did ya resurrect me?" Naruto said as he felt the bones in his neck begin to set and heal.

"To make you a member of my peerage, you are my second peices so far." The red head said as she finally took notice of how the boy looked, (young blond Ryan Reynolds, with Naruto's whisker markings) she had to admit he did look rather handsome.

"Really who is the first?" He asked stretching his limbs.

"My queen, Akeno Hiroshima, and you are...?"

"Well before i was brought back to life, i was Wade Wilson, but now you can call me Naruto Uzumaki, it would work better." He said in such away that it was clear to Rias that it was dropped. "So what needs to be done?"

"Nothing as of now, but i need you enjoy your new gifts, i will come for you in forty years time. So enjoy your abilities." Rias said as she disappear in a funny looking circle.

"Weird girl that one. I wonder if i would be meeting anymore?" He said looking around only to notice he was still standing in the ruins of the island. "damn... let see... how did he transport again?"

-zip-

Standing over five hundred feet in the air, blond looks over.

"Megatronus, you are a fucken bastaaaaaaaaaaaard!"

-end-