oceans between us ( I will cross them all for you)
When she sees them standing together, Hook and her father, she does not think much of it. They have bonded through this quest (as if she needed further proof of the pirate's character - her father would be his staunchest supporter she is sure) and she does not pay much attention to their quiet conversation, not with her son in her arms.
It is only when they board the ship, when Hook stops Neal, that she worries.
"You steer her true, like I taught you," Hook says, arm on Neal's shoulder. Neal nods, and Hook steps back.
Emma stands at the railing. "Come on, Hook, no time for goodbyes," she calls, her voice crisp in the cool dawn of morning.
His eyes meet hers and he shakes his head slowly. "No, love," he calls back, "someone needs to stay behind."
Her fingers grip the wooden rail. "What do you mean?"
"The secret of the island," he says. The boat lurches. Pan's shadow has been attached to the sails. "If the shadow leaves, a soul must take its place. Let the shadow get you home, love."
Her stomach drops, her mouth opens in a gasp – he cannot be serious. In no world would he be serious.
She remembers his earlier conversation with David just as her father's arms wrap around her to stop her – from what? From jumping off the ship and dragging Hook behind her? She struggles but David is strong.
"Goodbye, love," he calls, and just before he turns to walk into the dense jungle foliage she catches his face. The expression changes from the carefree one that he wore talking to her to something different, something wary –
Something broken.
"Hook," she screams, watching his back flinch. She screams his name as they take off into the sky, and as Neal guides them home to Storybrooke. She screams until she goes hoarse, until Mary Margaret is beside her as well, until she can't see the island anymore because of the tears that stream down her face.
...
Emma does not sleep the first night that they return.
She paces the apartment and when it's apparent that everyone is bothered, she paces at the sheriff's station, which is her domain. She is full of restless energy and no way to relieve it.
They have left Hook in Neverland.
He sacrificed himself for them.
He sacrificed himself for her.
She is not surprised that he does it - did, she wonders if she needs to start thinking of him in past tense now – something that she didn't expect and something she never asked for, something so selfless that she wonders who he really is and if she really knows him (she does, she feels like she does, he's just different from what she thought Captain Hook might be like).
There is a hole in her, like a part of her is missing, and she can't believe that someone she's only known for a month would leave such a mark that it would feel as if something has been ripped from her, body and soul.
She throws her keys across the room in despair or disgust, she doesn't quite know.
(She picks them up a minute later because they're her keys after all.)
Emma drives to the docks, where his ship is, and walks the deck and down below. She doesn't realize at first that she is searching for him until she realizes he's not secretly there, hiding or avoiding her, not even in his cabin.
She does not linger in his room long – there's something so private about being here that she can't be here, has never been here even on the voyage to Neverland – and she leaves and heads back to the station, where she watches the sun rise through plastic blinds and tries to figure out which of the many plans she's been formulating all night will work best.
...
She doesn't sleep well the next night.
Regina has flat-out told her that they're keeping the shadow for good measure, not for any other reason, and that she can't ride the shadow back like Neal did.
"Forget the shadow," Emma says. "Put it back where it belongs. We don't need something like that in this realm."
Regina waffles but Emma continues. "What about Ariel?" she presses. "Can you make another bracelet? We ask her to cross between realms and bring him back. We can return the shadow to it's island. He can bring Hook back."
"My my, Emma, you really do care for that pirate," Regina says with a knowing smile, and Emma shakes her head (even though her heart beats yes yes yes) and says, "I care about doing what's right for someone who helped us get our son back."
The words chasten Regina, who mumbles that she can see what she can do but ultimately it will be the little mermaid who will be the one to travel so she better ask her first.
She turns to her right, half-expecting to see Hook giving her a reassuring smile, but it's just David and his smile doesn't do the same things.
Emma is not sure when she started relying so heavily on Hook for reassurance, but his absence is tearing her apart, filling her with panic that nearly equals how she's felt for only Henry in the past.
They can't find Ariel the first day, so they assume that she's with Eric and so Emma is brought back to the loft to rest. She doesn't, though. She drives through the down and finds herself back at the Jolly Roger.
Standing on the deck, that hole inside her threatens to grow to a gaping maw and she can't even imagine how she didn't know, how she didn't know how she felt about him when he was there and now that he's not, it's as if all the feelings are eating her up inside and maybe that is the hole, the knowing that she might not get him back.
There are footsteps behind her and she turns to find Neal approaching her carefully, like one might approach a skittish dog.
"Hey," he says, hands in his pockets. "I heard you might have a way to get Hook back."
She nods. "Yeah, maybe." She sniffs, the cold air making her nose run (or so she thinks).
"You really do care for him, don't you?" Neal asks, and Emma shrugs.
"I don't know," she says, voice barely above a whisper. "All I know is that I can't leave him there, in Neverland."
Neal nods. "Yeah," he says, "you're right. We can't leave him there."
"Yeah," is all Emma says in reply.
...
Ariel agrees and Emma thinks it's because Mary Margaret asked her, because she was quite sheepish when she saw her mother and Emma knows Mary Margaret does not make people sheepish by her presence. All they need now is Regina.
Regina, who is spending the day with Henry.
The third day passes in a blur of coffee cups and TV sitcoms that her parents beg her to watch to keep her mind distracted but she hasn't slept well and she keeps shaking her leg, whether from nerves or caffeine or something else Emma doesn't know, but it annoys everyone around her and she's back at the ship.
She goes into his cabin this time, and lingers. There are maps and papers, a compass and some fancy device that must be a sextant (she remembers Pirates of the Caribbean) and books – so many books piled on the floor and every available surface. Books on the sea, books on history, books on adventure and books on plants.
She opens the books and pages through them slowly, her mouth open in wonder at the markings made in ink around the margins, questions that he wants to know the answer to.
She knows that Hook is a smart man (she will not use past tense) but this is something new. It only makes him more complex and more than just what she thought he was, the pirate who only wanted revenge. She's seen him grow with every word he's spoken to her and every deed he's done but now, he's not here for her to say it and it wrecks her.
She slams the book shut and wraps her arms around herself, trying so hard to keep the sobs inside of her.
When she is spent, and when her emotions cannot take it any longer, she turns around and sees his bed.
It is instinct more than anything else, the need to be surrounded by his scent, the desire to crawl between the sheets and be hit by the smell of him, of Hook (of Killian). She wraps the blankets around her and sleeps easily, easier than she has all week, only to be woken by the squeal of her radio.
She sits up, dazed and confused, to hear that Regina has made a bracelet, and they will meet her by the shore.
...
"Tell him to come back to me," Emma tells Ariel, handing them the bracelet and the coconut that contains the shadow. "Tell him if he acts all noble that I'll kick his ass."
Ariel nods, confused, a smile still on her face. "I will do that..."she says, looking at Belle and Mary Margaret for confirmation. The two women nod, and Ariel puts the bracelet on and returns to the sea.
Emma would wait there but her family refuses to allow her and the only compromise they can make is that she can stay on the Jolly Roger. Henry stays with her for a while.
"Do you love him?" he asks. Emma shrugs.
"I don't know, kid," Emma tells him. "I don't know.
She sleeps on the ship again that night.
...
There is a splash and he is back.
Emma runs along the shore and stops, right as he stops at the waterline, Ariel to his left.
"You're back," she breathes, the space between them suddenly huge and frightening now that he's here.
"You scare me Swan," he tells her, "I was not about to get on your bad side."
There's something about the way that he smiles, cocking his head to the left, drenched from his ocean swim, that makes her launch herself at him and hug him. She feels his arms come around her slowly, hand find its way into her hair, and she sighs, deep and contentedly because Hook is back and she will figure out the rest later.
...
She is home, the other asleep, when there is a knock at the door.
It is Hook. He stands, facing her, eyes wide.
"You were in my cabin," he tells her. "You were in my bed."
She feels like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, and she looks down and away. "I'm sorry," she says. "I couldn't sleep and then – "
His hand reaches for her chin, tilts it upward. "I knew I was warming on you, Swan," he teases, fingers brushing along her jawline. She rolls her eyes.
"You have no idea," she says, ignoring his cry of surprise when she pulls him forward for a kiss.