Disclaimer-- I don't own the characters of CSI
By some sort of miracle you manage to make it through the funeral. Though you weep until you wonder if it will ever stop, you survive the funeral that never should have had to happen. When it's over you spend half an hour in the parking lot holding on to Nick as he lets go of everything that he's been holding on to; it's then that you start to go numb. You go through the motions at the cemetery. You speak to all of the mourners without processing a word; and you cease to feel.
When Greg offers you a ride you only nod, and as the two of you travel in silence you can't help but wonder where all the pain went. After a subdued farewell you head into the house, praying that a scalding hot shower will help to wake you from this horrible emotional stasis. You aren't surprised when it turns out that you still can't seem to feel a thing.
Then you make your way into the bedroom to find the note your daughter left. She says she's sorry she wasn't at the funeral but she understands that you didn't want her to have to go through that. She says she'll never stop missing him, and that she loves you; and when you read his name the pain comes back, brighter and sharper than before.
You fall to your knees as it all comes rushing back. Suddenly you're sobbing as if your soul has been torn in two, and you know you'll never be able to stop the tears. Everything is right there in front of you and you feel as if you're bleeding regrets. Why didn't you ever tell him exactly how you felt? Why didn't you follow your heart that night and stay with him at the diner?
As you fold in on yourself you don't give a damn that you're soaking wet and starting to freeze as cool air blows over you. He's all that you can think about, all that you care about; and nothing else matters as much as trying to figure out how in the hell you're supposed to move forward without the man you loved and waited for so long. Nothing matters as much as trying to find a way to live with the pain and the ache of always wondering if he knew that he was loved.