He looked around the stone classroom of the dungeons. So this was to be home now, he mused. The room looked most uninviting, with it's cold grey shelves lined with potions ingredients of all hues, and hard, austere furniture. Though it comprised of everything a classroom needed, it somehow did not feel like one. The cold air of the dungeon wafted around him, making him shudder. Or perhaps it was the fear that was making him shiver.
He had been a coward his whole life, he told himself. He had spent twenty years living out of fear, not daring to be the man he could have become, and this was the price he was to pay. The next years of his life would be the hardest ever, and he was to blame. Serving one master was hard enough, but two...he would be a broken man at the end of it all. But still he would do this, he would play this mortal game of hide and seek with his loyalties, for her. He would do this, and if he was very lucky, he would have a quick death at the end of it all.
As he sat down on one of the empty stone benches, and glanced around at his prison, for that was what it would be, he knew he was afraid yet. He closed his tearful eyes as the memories whirled around him.
The fear of pain...
His small, trembling figure as his furious father advanced towards him with a half empty bottle of drink.
The deafening crash as the bottle made contact with his skull. The blinding pain in his head. The red-stained liquid running down his face.
The blurring vision of his mother running to him, just before everything went black.
The fear of judgement...
"Mudblood!"
No, no, no! his mind screamed. You fool! What have you done!
"Lily! I didn't mean it! You're not-"
The sound of her sobs. The harshness of their laughter. The blush of humiliation on his cheeks. Her footsteps as she ran. The dried orange leaves in front of his eyes as they kicked his face onto the ground.
The fear of loneliness...
The dark, untrusting glares as Bella lead him to the Dark Lord. The coldness of the stone floor as he kneeled down. The emptiness in his future Master's dark eye when he lifted his head.
The searing pain through his arm as the darkness twists into it. The victorious smiles, shielded behind masks of glistening silver. The inebriated cheers of celebration.
The sickening in his stomach as the "main course" of the night was brought out. The shaking of his hands as he realised he was to be the executioner.
The hidden tears in his eyes as the green light shot from the tip of his wand.
The fear of loss...
The chilling cold in his heart when he saw his old enemy's corpse. The quickening of his heartbeat as he climbed the stairs.
The trembling of his knees when he saw her. His incessant sobs as he held her to him.
The empty brokenness of everything as she slowly and surely grew colder.
The fear of death..
He had spent a forever being scared of so much, and yet, it was ironic to him that at this moment, that he had chosen to play a very dangerous game with his own life.
A thought then struck him. Or perhaps, it was a realisation. It was a ridiculous thought, but one that gave him a strange hint of comfort.
He was not afraid of death.
Notes:
For Jenny (Claude Amelia Song) who adores Snape as much as I do! (via the Singing a Song Along Event at The Golden Snitch. Prompt: Severus Snape)
For the British Literature Event at the Golden Snitch. Prompts: orange (colour), Potions Classroom (setting), hide and seek (phrase) and "a character fighting for both sides of the war" (situation)
Word count: 598 (google docs)