He wasn't expecting the knock at the door, but as soon as he heard it, he knew who it was.

It had been a long, exhausting day and all he wanted to do was drink a beer or six, climb into bed, fall asleep and forget it ever happened.

But he couldn't. He couldn't ignore the knock any more than he could ignore his feelings for the person on the other side.

He got up and opened the door.

"Hi. What are you doing here, Kensi?"

"After all we've been through, after all we've survived, you're just going to push me away?!"

It was a miracle that he and Sam had been rescued. She was there when they found him. She walked into that dark room and saw him, sitting in that chair, hunched over with blood dripping from his mouth. Panic set in as she feared the worst, that he had broken his promise to never get himself killed. She was there in the hospital room, never leaving his side as he recovered. He would sleep and she would watch him breath, relief washing over her because he was still alive.

But then something changed when he was released and went home. She started to panic again, but for a different reason. She remembered the fight they had, the poor communication skills, the kiss. This kiss was different than the first one. They weren't undercover. He wasn't trying to distract anyone. He did it as himself, because he wanted to show her something he really meant. But what did this really mean? How would it change things? How would it affect their jobs? What if it didn't work out? What if she lost him, but not to torture and death? Thinking about the kiss lead to more questions, more questions lead to more panic. So she did what Kensi Blye did best. She pretended it never happened. She knew she couldn't avoid it forever, because he wouldn't let her.

After a couple weeks, he had to bring it up. He couldn't go any longer without talking about it. She had all but dared him to kiss her, to tell her how he really felt, but now she was avoiding it. And now he was bringing it up and not letting her change the subject or brush it off, and she was not liking how this was going.

"Deeks, I can't do this with you right now."

"If not now, then when? Kens, I almost died. You almost died saving Michelle. We don't know how much time we left in this life. We can't waste it by pretending that something isn't here."

"Deeks, please..."

He saw the fear in her eyes and heard it in her voice. As angry as he was, he knew he had to back down. He knew Kensi better than anyone, and that the guaranteed way to lose her forever would be to keep pushing. He sighed, defeated. They had come so far in the three years they had been partners. But this was a fight he knew he couldn't win.

"If you're busy or tired, I can go. I just thought that after today... I just didn't feel like being by myself right now."

It took a lot for her to admit that to him. Even after all she had put him through, shutting him down every time he tried to open up to her, he couldn't make her leave.

"No, it's okay. Come on in. You want something to drink? Something sugary to eat? Some terrible TV to watch?"

She gave him a small smile as she walked into his apartment. How did he do that? No matter how confused or tired or mixed up she felt, he could always bring a smile to her face. And this only added to the confusion she felt about him. Actually, if she were honest with herself, she wasn't confused at all. She knew exactly how she felt about him. And that scared her to death. But after today, she couldn't lie to herself or to him any longer. She couldn't keep living in denial any more.

She followed him into the kitchen. He grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator and handed one to her. He opened his own and leaned against the counter. They awkwardly attempted to make small talk as they drank. And then she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I heard what you said."

She hadn't seen him in almost nine years. She hardly ever thought about him anymore and when she did, it was just a passing moment, hoping that he was alright, that he had found the help he was looking for, the help that she couldn't provide. And all of the sudden, there he was. Jack's face displayed on the screen in the ops center. Hetty gave her a few moments to get over the initial shock before giving the details of the crime he had witnessed and why they had to question him in the boat shed. But Kensi was not able to process anything being said. She felt like she had forgotten how to breathe.

Deeks was shocked as well, but his attention was quickly focused on his partner. Her ex-fiancé who she hadn't seen or heard from in years was an important witness that they had to question. His concern was obvious. Sure, it had been a long time, but it was still a devastating event in her life. She felt like a failure, because she couldn't help him get better. She had to pick up the pieces of her life after he left that Christmas so many years ago.

"What do you mean?"

She had never been more scared in her life. All the dangerous situations she had been in were nothing compared to this. But she couldn't back down now. She was past the point of no return.

"I heard what you said to Jack in the boat shed. After we interviewed him and I walked out."

"Oh. I, uh, I thought you had left the building." He ran his fingers through his hair and she could tell that he was nervous, too.

"I know."

"So, what do we do now?"

Kensi had left as soon as the interview was over. Being in the same room as him was harder than she ever imagined. Painful memories that she thought had been left behind came rushing back. She had to get out of there.

"She hates me, doesn't she?" Jack asked as soon as the door shut behind her.

Deeks thought about this for a few seconds. He wasn't sure what to make of this guy. Here was a man who was engaged to Kensi Blye. And then he walked away from her. Part of him would love to tear into him for causing her so much pain. But he knew he couldn't do that. It wouldn't make him feel any better and it certainly wouldn't help Kensi.

"No, I don't think she hates you. It's just a lot to process in a day. I think she's more shocked than anything. I wouldn't worry about it."

"I know I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left her. But, I couldn't put her through that anymore. I was sick and I wasn't getting any better and I know I was hurting her. She deserved better than what I could give her."

Deeks looked at him and debated what to say next. He was tired of holding in how he felt. Kensi certainly wasn't listening to what he had to say, but here was his opportunity to tell someone.

"Listen, Jack. I don't know you and I don't know what you've been through. I could never begin to understand what you saw and what you went through over there, so I can't judge you for what you did… but I have to say, if it were me, if I was with Kensi, if I had asked her to marry me and she was crazy enough to say yes, if we were going to grow a life together and have a family… there's no way in hell I could ever walk away from her. That would be all I'd want in life and I would never let her go."

She held his gaze for longer than she thought she could. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she tried to think of what to say.

"Kensi? Where does that leave us?"

She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. She put her beer down on the table.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Every word." No hesitation. No question. No doubt.

"How do you know that? How do you know for sure what you want? How can you say that, that's all you would want in life?" Her voice started to tremble, but she had to hold it together. She had to get through this. The stakes were too high.

He looked down, licked his lips, and took a deep breath. Here's your chance, Deeks, you wanted her to listen. It's now or never.

"If I thought you would say yes, I would ask you to marry me right now."

She felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. He continued.

"Kensi, you are frustrating and infuriating and stubborn and messy and I love you so much that it's driving me crazy. It makes me crazy to feel this way about you, knowing that I can't tell you without being scared to death that you might push me away or build a wall between us or... tell me that you don't feel the same way."

Tears were threatening to spill out. She willed herself not to panic. She had to stand there and listen to him pour out his heart and look directly into his perfect blue eyes. He took a couple steps towards her and raised his hand to her face, brushing his fingers across her cheek. Miraculously, she didn't run. She stayed put. She closed her eyes as she savored the feeling of his touch.

"Kensi?"

She opened her eyes at the sound of him softly saying her name.

"I haven't been completely honest with you. There is a reason that I was avoiding this, why I didn't want to talk about the kiss. Something has been bothering for a while and I... haven't been able to get myself to say it out loud... because I'm afraid of what you might say."

Kensi just admitted to him that she was afraid. This was huge. He stood his ground, held her gaze, and continued to listen.

"When you were undercover as Max and you were getting close to Monica, I couldn't help but think about us and what if we were more than partners. What if we were in a relationship and you had to go undercover and get close to someone like Monica again... what would you do? I mean, it's a part of your job to establish your cover and I know at times that requires... certain things... What would you do if we were together and you had to... get close to someone else because of your job?"

There it was. The reason the case with Monica had bothered her so much. For weeks and weeks, she had been keeping this inside, stuffing it down, hoping to forget about it, hoping that she would never hear his answer... terrified at what it might be. And after the kiss, she had only felt worse.

He still had his hand on her face. He put his other hand on her hip pulling her even closer to him.

"If we were together, and I had to go undercover like that again... I promise you that I would sooner quit my job than betray you."

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He brushed them away and gave her a smile that calmed the fear in her pounding heart.

"Kensi, you are the only one for me and if I had you then nothing else would matter, including my job. You wanted me to say something I actually mean. I actually mean it when I say that I love you."

"Deeks..."

She didn't get to finish. He brought his lips to hers in a gentle, tender kiss. It was different than the others because it was just them. No covers, no fighting, no mission to get in the way. She brought her hands up to his chest and gripped the material of his t-shirt as they deepened the kiss. His lips were soft and warm and just what she needed. She had held this in for so long for fear that she might lose him. But now as she was savoring the way he felt against her, how could she have ever thought that this wasn't worth the risk? How could she have ever doubted him? He finally pulled away slightly and rested his forehead on hers.

"Wow."

"Wow? I've never had a guy say WOW after kissing me."

"Well, clearly the guys you've been kissing have been idiots, because you, Kensi Marie Blye, are amazing." He couldn't wipe the grin off his face even if he tried. She looked into his eyes and at his smile.

"By the way, I love you, too." Saying this to him felt better than she ever imagined. What she once feared, now made her feel more complete than she had in a long time. He leaned in to kiss her again, but she raised her hand and placed her fingers on his lips, stopping him.

"But please, do me a favor. Don't ask me to marry you anytime soon. We'll take this one step at a time." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"If you insist, Fern, but we both know that you desperately want me to propose! You can't take another day going by without being Mrs. Kensi Deeks! We'll have bunch of ninja assassins with brown hair and blue eyes and we'll teach them how to surf and hot-wire airplanes..."

It was her turn to shut him up.