A/N:I do not condone bullying or name-calling or abuse of any sorts. I do not condone cheating or believe in any of the harsh contents of this story. It is fiction and should not happen in real life.
This contains explicit content so please no one under 18.
This contains harsh language that might be considered triggers...Cheating, Derogatory Name Calling, Homophobia.
This does have a HEA..
One, One, One
One minute is all it takes for me to fall in love with the dark and broody beta werewolf named Derek Hale.
Derek Hale and I went way back. Ever since my best friend Scott McCall was bitten and turned into a werewolf, who coincidentally was Derek's uncle Peter Hale.
There was always struggles but it was always Derek and I who seemed to end up saving each other.
Derek was the one who helped me through the screaming nightmares and overall horror that resulted from the hold the Nogitsune had over me.
Talkin in my sleep at night
Makin myself crazy
(out of my mind, out of my mind)
We spent so many hours together afterwards, once he woke me up after a nightmare that we slowly started to connect. He told me about his family and I told him about my mom. We got so close that it was inevitable that I found myself helplessly in love with Derek Hale.
I knew ideally nothing would come from my crush considering that Derek never seemed in to men. I knew of his past relationships, all with women, the likes of Paige, Kate and Jennifer. All of which resulted badly.
I was alright with knowing that it would be all one sided and I could deal with being just friends.
One night it all changed.
I fell asleep on Derek's couch after having a pack night. The Nogitsune was taunting me about his control over the Oni and flashbacks of the sword stabbing Allison again, and again, and again when I was awoken by Derek shaking me.
"Stiles, Stiles you're okay. It's okay it is just a nightmare your safe." He reassured me while bringing me into a secure embrace.
I couldn't help but to break down. placing my head on his chest.
"He...he..kep...ugh..Allis…" I tried to tell Derek in between full body sobs, but couldn't make a full word let alone a full sentence. I didn't need to he had been through it countless times so he already understood. What I was going through and what my dreams entailed.
"Shh it's okay, I know. He's not here . He's gone, shh shh it's okay Stiles." Derek was looking down at me while rubbing my back.
It was like someone had taken over my body because before I knew it I was leaning up and he was leaning down and my lips touched his. At first he didn't respond but then his lips were wolfishly against mine, teeth clashing together.
Before I knew it we had had sex and fell asleep in his bed.
That morning I had woke up to Derek pacing in his living room not to far from the bed, pacing and mumbling something I couldn't hear but he looked pissed off and slightly frantic.
"Derek? Der.." I was trying to get his attention but he was so agitated that I couldn't get his attention. "Sourwolf." I yelled finally getting him to stop pacing and getting his attention.
I almost wish I hadn't when his back went rim-rod straight. He turned around and faced me and his words that he spoke damn near killed me.
"Stiles you need to leave now." he shouted at me not looking at me in the eyes. "Get dressed and get out." he started to throw my scattered clothes at me, my shirt smacking me in the face.
"Derek what is wrong. I don't understand. Everything was fine last night, what changed?" I asked him pulling on my shirt.
He slowly turned away from me. So I barely saw his look of disgust, but I did see it.
"I'm not gay. I don't like you in that way Stiles, I like girls. I'm not a fag, you need to just leave." The more he panicked the louder Derek became.
It was such a shock to me that he would use such harsh language nonetheless insult me like that with such hate and distaste in his voice.
I moved almost robotically to put on my pants and shoes and headed towards the door. "This FAG doesn't want to see you again." I told him as harshly as I could while trying to hold my tears in. I wouldn't cry in front of Derek, not again, not anymore.
But about a week later he showed up outside of my window, with a sincere apology, but I didn't accept it, I couldn't, I wouldn't.
Every night for two weeks Derek would somehow find me somewhere in town or he would visit my room, always with an apology in hand, but my resolve prevailed even though my feelings for him stayed strong.
I knew it was juvenile to write a list, but that is just what I did. I wrote a list of thoughts and feelings I had concerning Derek and whether or not I should accept his apologies.
Wrote it down and read it out
Hoping it would save me
(too many times, too many times)
As hard as I tried to move on to random hook-ups, I couldn't move on from Derek.
A week later he came to my room and I finally broke. I accepted his apology. That night we had sex once again. He wasn't there when I woke up the next morning.
Derek and I had a odd relationship after that night. It was one of convenience, as long as we didn't tell anyone (and by we I mean me) then Derek would not bully me about being a fag, queer, etc. I knew the truth though, I also new that Derek was struggling with internal demons and inner phobias.
Derek ended up starting to see Braeden which put a stop to me and him having sex.
I could hide my feelings and keep seeing him at pack meetings but it got harder and harder each time.
Four days later I saw Brett at Jungle and we started to talk and got a little tipsy and hooked up. We then agreed to a friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing was wrong with Brett but he just wasn't Derek. He didn't feel like Derek or smell like Derek. He just was not Derek. Brett wasn't the one I was in love with.
Oh he makes me feel like nobody else
Nobody else
But my love, he doesnt love me
So I tell myself, I tell myself
Then after Mexico Derek and Braeden left. Only to come back about a year later married and with a child on the way, according to the pack.
Derek and I did not keep in contact with each other since he had left the pack and even before that we haven't really talked to one another. So any news about Derek that I heard about was from the pack.
There was a knock on my door. I had just moved into an apartment across town about sixth months ago and the only person who had my address or had been here is my dad which was at work or Scott who was out of town. So I was unsure who it could be, but I had a pretty good idea and it wouldn't be good.
I opened the door to see Derek standing there. I was correct in my assumption. I was still surprised to see him. He had a smile on his face like everything was just peachy. Well isn't he going to be surprised.
"Hey Stiles!" He was clearly happy to see me. He looked the same as when he left all those months ago except he did look a bit more worn down and had the beginnings of gray at the side of his temples. Making him look more distinguishable. This is the first time I have seen him since his return to Beacon hills a few weeks ago.
"Hey Sourwolf." I didn't mean for the term of endearment to come out but it almost came naturally at this point. I smiled and moved away from the door silently inviting him in. It was nice to see him again even though I didn't fully trust him or I to not screw up and end up touching one another.
He came in and stood in my small hallway. I closed the door and walked around him, expecting him to follow me, which he did. I sat down on my couch and waved to my living room furniture indicating for him to also sit down.
It was slightly uncomfortable being around him now.
"Would you like something to drink?" I asked him. My fingers drumming on my knees. My body and mind were at war with each other. My body wanted him still but my mind kept telling me that he was married that I shouldn't, I couldn't. I couldn't subconsciously and not feel any guilt.
"No. No thank you Stiles,I'm not thirsty." He looked happier than I had ever seen him.
It was clear that I couldn't give him that happiness. He needed a woman to be happy, at least until he overcame his homophobia.
"Then what are you doing here Derek?" I asked him uncertain that I even wanted to know the answer or not.
"I came to tell you something important…" he started to speak while getting up and coming closer to me and sitting on my coffee table top.
"Oh what's that?" I asked him, motioning for him to continue on. Making sure that my hands were between my knees, so I wouldn't be tempted to grasp his hand.
"...I love you Stiles. I have missed you so much while I was away." He sounded like he was just away on vacation, not gone for a year and had gotten married. "I just had to come back and tell you that I am in love with you." he continued to explain. He actually sounded sincere but I was honestly confused, what about his wife and their soon to be baby? Had he told Braeden? And what about his homophobia did he magically get over it in the year he was gone?
"Derek. Oh, honey I want so badly to believe that but what about your wife? I'm not going to be a mistress or rather in my case a mister or whatever the term may be. What about your baby?" I asked him.
"I will leave I need you more than I need her. I don't even know why I married her to begin with, and I will always be there for my son or daughter. This would not make me shy away from my child." Derek tried to reassure me, wrapping his hands around mine, bringing them away from my lap. Lacing our fingers together.
"Yeah? But then what about being a gay man Derek?" I asked noticing that when I mentioned the words 'gay man' he flinched a little, though he tried hard to hide it. It probably didn't help that my tone was not kind. "I am an out and proud homosexual Derek. Are you ready to come out of the proverbial closet?" I asked him straightforward.
"Yes for you Stiles. I would, for you." he told me firmly.
Before I could respond he had moved forward attacking my lips.
Sooner than I had thought even possible we were in my room, undressed and he had three fingers in my ass. Thrusting them deep and hard in to me. Earlier than I wanted we were having full on hard core rough sex doggy style.
For some reason it bothered me that we were having sex like this but I couldn't put my finger on why it bugged me so much. Not until we had finished and I wanted to snuggle with Derek and he just laid down on his belly and faced the opposite way that I was facing. It hit me then that this felt more like when I was friends with benefits with Brett. It felt impersonal, guarded, which made me feel wrong. But I chalked it up to him being tired and liking that position, and going to sleep.
The next morning I was shocked into silence because Derek was still in bed with me and his arm was wrapped around my waist his face pressed into my neck snoring lightly. I wiggled out from under him and walked to my kitchen and started to cook eggs, bacon, and toast.
About fifteen minutes later I heard a noise and went to investigate, the sounds were coming from my room, making me move back towards it to see if Derek was waking up.
He was in fact up and I could hear that he was talking on his cell phone. I was about to leave when I heard Braeden's name. So I will freely admit that I waited by the door and actively eavesdrop.
"...no..no honey of course not I just fell asleep on the couch at Scott's. Yes Brae I'll be there in five minutes...Yes...Yes…..I love you too...uh huh..bye!"
It sounded like he hung up so I rushed back to my kitchen, being mindful of his extra sensitive hearing and stepping lightly so I didn't make a sound. Luckily I knew where all the squeaky parts were in my carpet.
Noting that the eggs looked almost burnt, I turned the burner off and removed the pan. I flipped the bacon and then leaned against the counter. I waited for Derek to come in and make some lame ass excuse. My stomach felt like it was in my throat.
Boy should I have really known better by now.
Finally after a few minutes I got my answer in the form of the sound of my front door closing with a whoosh.
I am so incredibly stupid. Again. Again I had let something like that happen with him and he took advantage of the situation. I was so dumb.
To think that Derek could change. What a joke.
I ended up dumping all the food that I had prepared into the trash receptacle along with my stomach. My appetite diminished.
Over the next two weeks Derek tried once again to call and reconcile. In fact he called a total of 36 times, leaving me numerous drunken ( I assume by Wolfsbane laced beer) voicemails, a handful of text messages and even tried to get me to answer my door at least 12 times.
All of which he was granted the same response - silence utter and complete silence- and nothing but.
No way was I going to let him make excuses and find someway to worm back into my life and bed.
I realized that I was just an itch he could scratch before going back to his cussiony life.
One, dont pick up the phone
You know he's only calling cause he's drunk and alone
Two, dont let him in
You have to kick him out again
Three dont be his friend
You know your gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
And if your under him
You aint getting over him
Since that morning I knew I had to change my life around for the better. Or at least I kept telling myself, that it was for the better.
No more pack meetings.
No more Derek.
No more guys night.
No more Derek.
No more shopping during the days or having to skip to the town over to shop if needed during the day time hours.
No. More. Derek.
I've got new rules, I count em
I've got new rules, I count em
I've gotta tell them to myself
I've got new rules, I count em
I've gotta tell them to myself
It became easier to ignore Derek. He even started to leave me alone after a while.
Three months later I was out grocery shopping when I saw Derek out with Braeden. Luckily they hadn't seen me yet so I made sure to move behind a rack before they could see me. I watched them, like a creeper. Seeing how Derek was with her I knew right then I really couldn't sleep with him anymore. I couldn't do that to Braeden or myself anymore.
Derek was behind Braeden with her back to his chest and he had his arms wrapped around her. Braeden had a visible bump to her abdomen that you could see through Derek's fingers that were rubbing up and down. They both had huge smiles on their faces and were whispering to each other while laughing.
How could I tear that family apart. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I was determined this time to make sure it didn't happen ever again.
"They look happy don't they?" Peter whispered in my ear making me jump and turn around too fast, making me almost fall on my ass.
"What the fuck Peter? What do you want?" I asked him ignoring his comment on the happy couple, moving up the grocery aisle towards the registers.
"Nothing really, just saw you standing there spying. I must say Stiles that you might just be as creepy as I am."
"Thanks." I sneered hoping that he went away.
"Stiles you know he's with Braeden and that's never going to change. He might have fun with you for however long it takes him to cum but he will never leave Braeden, a girl, for you or any other guy. He doesn't love you, not really. He might like what you can give him but he doesn't love you, he is deceiving you Stiles. I can smell it on him. He might be gay but he is to much in his own head to realize it or come out as such. I don't want you to get hurt." He sounded oddly sincere, like me getting hurt affected him, or atleast mattered to him.
"I know that Peter but it's too late." I left after that glad that he didn't follow.
I went back home. It was an enlightening experience that I got to see Derek and how happy he was with Braeden. Now I knew without a doubt that I needed to move on.
I had not seen Derek again until Scott invited me to his bachelors party at a strip club. Six months ago he had finally asked Kira to marry him (once she was back from the skinwalkers) but they decided on a long engagement. I had asked him if he had invited Derek and he had told me that he hadn't so I said that I would go. I wanted to be there for my best friend.
~Bachelor Party 2 Weeks Later~
I had just gotten to the club and went to sit down by Scott when I noticed that Peter and Derek were by the bar looking like they were arguing.
"You told me that Derek wasn't going to be here tonight." I whispered in Scotts ear forgetting for a second that they were werewolves who could hear me.
"He wasn't when we talked about it two weeks ago, but he was able to come at the last minute. I was going to tell you but I got busy with Lydia who needed help with something for Kira's bachelorette party. Im sorry bro." He told me.
"Alright I understand. It's my own shit to deal with anyway, I shouldn't be betty-buzzkill on your special day." I laughed sitting down in the seat beside him. "So are you having fun yet?" I asked him. Looking up and seeing that the stripper was a long blond girl maybe 19 or 20 years old with big bare breasts and a string thong who was twirling around the pole.
I was completely gay but I could admire the beauty of this women and understand that she was talented in her dancing.
"Yes plus this club has laced alcohol, so I'm already a bit buzzed." he laughed slapping my shoulder roughly.
"Oh man, dude you have fun I'm going to get a drink." I told him going to get a shot of tequila.
"Hey can I g…" the bartender moved passed me to the other end of the bar ignoring me completely. "Rude." I mumbled under my breath.
"He was a dick, but here you can have mine." Derek saddled up next to me offering his shot of what looked like whisky.
"Yeah no thanks. I was wanting tequila. Plus I don't want to hallucinate if that is laced." I told Derek turning toward the bartender once again. "Hey can I get a shot of tequila." I asked him. He shook his head in affirmation going to get my drink.
"It wasn't laced Stiles, I wouldn't do that to you." Derek said trying to get closer making me step back. "Can we go somewhere more quiet?"
"Listen Derek after what happened last time we were alone together, and you running off afterwards, I would rather not have a repeat of that. I don't ever want to feel like that again. Ever. I won't be the reason why Braeden gets broken hearted and I damn sure will not be a home wrecker Derek." I told him thanking the bartender before grabbing my drink and going back to our group.
I keep pushin' forwards
But he keeps pullin' me backwards
(Nowhere to turn, no way)
(Nowhere to turn, no)
Now I'm standing back from it
I finally see the pattern
(I never learn, I never learn)
But my love, he doesn't love me
So I tell myself, I tell myself
I do, I do, I do
The only two seats available was by Scott or Peter. For some reason I choose the seat by Peter.
"Why do you care how he treats me? Even Scott didn't say anything and he's my best friend and he never said anything about it." I asked him, referring back to when we were at the grocery store.
"Hello to you too Stiles!" He said sarcastically.
"Hello Peter. Now answer the question." I said taking a drink.
"I care because I can okay." He lied, I could tell it was a lie.
"Jesus Peter even my human senses could tell that that was a lie. What are you hiding? Does it have anything to do with the small disagreement that you and Derek were having at the bar?" I asked again finishing my shot glass.
"Okay yes it was a lie. Yes we were arguing about the reason why I care if he hurts you. I like you stiles and I was telling Derek that every time he had your smell on him it would piss me off. I want to be with you and I know that I would treat you so much better than he would." He told me shocking the hell out of me.
I had no clue that he felt that way towards me. I guess that was probably because of my obsession of Derek that I couldn't see past him but maybe I could give Peter a shot.
I knew that I had to move on, hell more importantly I wanted to move forward.
"Would you be willing to give me a shot Peter? As long as we go slow. I don't want you to feel like a rebound or anything." I asked hoping that he knew that I was seriousand being thoughtful about his feelings.
"Yeah Stiles I want that more than you know." He said patting my knee.
Practice makes perfect
I'm still tryna' learn it by heart (I got new rules, I count 'em)
Eat, sleep, and breathe it
Rehearse and repeat it 'cause I (I got new, I got new, I...)
Peter and I stayed in the club just talking and drinking for a couple hours before parting to go home.
The following weekend Peter took me out to a really fancy expensive restaurant.
The following Wednesday I took him to my favorite diner. That friday he surprised me with a fun day in complete with homemade dinner consisting of fried chicken and couscous and all night video games.
Slowly (which was a nice change) Peter and I got closer and closer to the point that after six months of dating he asked me to move in with him.
I was hesitant at first telling him that I would think about it. I was unsure because in the four months that we have been dating we haven't had sex and that worried me. Was he not into me sexually or did he not want me in that way because of my past with his nephew?
I knew that me feeling this way was something that I needed to discuss with him before I could give him an answer to moving in.
When we were out to dinner I broached the subject.
"Peter, uh do you find me attractive." I asked him right when he took a sip of soup which made him sputter and choke on it.
I patted his back making sure he was okay.
After he coughs and starts breathing again he answers. "Of course I do Stiles. I find you very attractive why would you ask me that?" He asked.
"Well we have been dating now for six months but we haven't moved past making out and cuddling, with clothes on. So I just didn't know if it was me and my past with Derek or if you just didn't like me that way." I told him.
"Oh no Stiles I never wanted you to feel like that. I definitely want to have the sex with you, your past with my nephew is not an issue I assure you. It's just that I didn't want to make you feel that our relationship is only for and or based on sex like it was with Derek. I am here for the long haul not for the sex." He explained.
"I don't know what to say honestly. Thank you for being so considerate of my feelings. I want you to know that I am in this for the long haul too, I would love to move in with you. I love you Peter." I told him holding his hand.
We left the restaurant soon after and for the first time Peter made slow sweet love to me on his bed in his penthouse, I guess it was ours now. I was so much happier than I had ever been with Derek. I'm glad that I made new rules and stuck with them.