Shadows
He felt empty. Simply empty, as if there was nothing left to feel, while he had so much to feel. He was sitting in his tent, alone. He knew the others were feasting. They had won a war, after all. No matter how many had fallen, they would celebrate their victory, of course. It was in the nature of dwarves as it was in the nature of Mirkwood's elves. Feast was their second nature, even though it did not belong to him as fervently. He was fond of his peace and quiet, especially since he'd always had so little of it. His mother always thought he was too serious for feasts, but his father had merely judged him wise. He was not sure what his own judgement was anymore.
How quickly it all had gone. He had been prepared, materially, but not emotionally. He had expected Thorin Oakenshield to put up a fight, and he had even expected Dain… but what had happened. Not even his wildest imagination could have thought this up, not even with the cruel tricks his imagination had tried to play with him after the message of the Orc. For his mind had been doing that. His mind had never fully been able to leave Dagorlad behind. He had always been afraid of it happening again, and since a while he feared it more than ever. Yet still he had not expected it now, not yet. He should have known, of course. He should have known something was up. The Orc had been a forebode. He had known evil was approaching, yet the quickness of it had caught him by surprise. No one had told him, no one had warned him. The wizard had known, of course. Galadriel had known, Celeborn had known, he was sure even Elrond Half-elven had known. they had their petty councils, they must have spoken about it. Everyone had known but he and the dwarves. To be lowered to their level. They should have told him. He was a king; he was a leader. He had a realm to protect, and he would never have left Mirkwood if he had known. He would never have lead his people here to die, he would not do that again – he could not have done that again.
He tried to banish the dead bodies out of his mind, but he could not. He hear their cries as he heard the soft wind bashing against the sides of the tent. He could feel their pain under his own skin. He could see them in the shadows. It reminded him of battles fought before. Battles won, battles lost. Love lost. A corner of his mind saw Tauriel crying over the dwarf, but he closed his eyes and tried to forget. She should have had love. She was good, and she deserved to have love. He had not wished to see her with his son. He would not have deemed anyone good enough for his son, especially not someone whose heart his son did not truly possess. He had seen her love for the dwarf, as he had seen his son's love for Tauriel. Both pure and innocent, as he had loved once.
He thought of how she had accused him of not knowing any love. Of his conversation with his son. He thought everything over and over until there was nothing left. "Your mother loved you," he had said, while what he meant was "I love you". She would have died protecting him, as he would. Sometimes he wondered if his son knew that. He knew he was nothing close to a warm person. He had never been before, but he did not argue the death of his wife had worsened it. She had been the light of his life, and she had brought out the little light that was left in his heart after the ending of the war. She had supported him through everything, and he missed her still. It was no use to ponder on it; she was gone. He still had Legolas. Not only was he his son, his heir, his own – he was also his wife's, and he was all that he had left.
He knew he could not stop his son, nor did he intend to. He did not feel any grudge – how could he ever, towards his only son? He always knew this day would come. He had been drawn to the edges of Middle Earth when he was younger as well. It had left its marks on him, but he could not say he would not do it again. He had been young and foolish, perhaps, but it had been life. He had retreated to the castle because he had a responsibility towards his people, so he had always been careful. He would not make the same mistakes they had made before.
He knew what they thought of him. He knew they did not trust him, that was clear from their choices and sometimes even their words. They had never involved him in anything, for they had never completely trusted him, especially not after their past encounters. Especially not after his father… Sometimes he wondered if their call was true. If they were just in their refusal to trust him. He had never cared about how they regarded him, but with danger approaching – he wondered what it exactly was that was approaching, and how immediate the threat was. He did not want any surprises anymore, but he knew they would be following if they did not grant him the knowledge he needed. They would held their petty councils without him, as they always had, and he would be kept in the dark. He wished for them to trust him, but he knew it would mean certain promises should be given. He was not ready to promise to join them in battling what was still in the future. He did not know if he would ever be ready, but he also knew he could not wish to fight this battle alone. Perhaps it was a good thing Legolas was leaving. Perhaps he could get him the information he needed. Perhaps…
He sighed. For the first time in centuries, he was lost. He did not know what to do. He had never possessed an indecisive character, but this concerned a decision so grave… It could not – and should not – be made overnight. He would think about this, and ask for council.
He heard the feast roaring on outside. They did not know what was coming, but he could already feel it. His son had felt it, and he felt it all the same. Evil was approaching, for it could never be conquered forever. Shadows would fill the world once again and crush it between its claws. The Orc's master served the one, and he was now more sure than ever: it would arise again.
A/N: The last bit is taken from a quote from the Silmarillion. I don't know a lot about book!Thranduil, so please forgive me if there are any inaccuracies in here ^^.