A/N: I can't hold back. I haven't had any real writing inspiration/motivation for months, but my heart's beating a million miles a second from tonight's episode. I had to write this. Post-episode.
*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.
…
Her heart beat heavily inside her, emotions cascaded throughout the day flashing across her senses. She didn't want to hear Dorota's talk about Louis coming home. That only added more fuel to the flames. She wanted Chuck. She wanted Chuck. She wanted Chuck. It was the hardest thing in the world to admit to herself, since she'd strived so hard to embrace the happy ending Chuck had left her with. And she did want it. She loved Louis, still does love Louis. It isn't just because he's a prince or that he was sweet when Chuck was violent. But tonight all her questions had been answered; and the one strong true light that blinded anything else in her head and in her heart was the truth of who she wanted and needed. She needed Chuck.
It would certainly make everything easier if she just decided to be with Chuck again. The issue of her baby wouldn't be a problem, no matter how much she would have insisted on before. Chuck was everything she'd always needed him to be now. He was ready to take care of her, really take care of her. He'd even come after her after she'd nearly lost her sanity at the therapy session. It was because she didn't want him to be over her and he knew it. He was probably getting irritated of her putting up her walls when he asked her serious questions, but whether pregnancy hormones or just the panic of the situation, she just couldn't face what was being demanded of her without her few moments in denial. It was all too scary.
But, no matter how much she wanted to hide behind the fact that she loved Louis, her heart – her true heart – shouted otherwise. She'd chosen Louis that night because Chuck had insisted upon it, not because her love for him was greater. Anything else she would have needed with Chuck was for him to become into the man he was now and it tore her apart that she was refusing what she'd wanted all along for the sake of some love she was sure could survive it all and the guarantee of being a princess. Coming face to face with the facts told her at the end of the day she'd prefer being a poor, pathetic maid lower than Dorota if she could be with Chuck than Louis' princess. She'd never had such troubles with Chuck in regards to who she was like she was having with Louis. But did cold feet justify these thoughts and potential life-changing decisions?
No. They did not. But this wasn't cold feet. This was the driving confidence to fight for the man she loved. She hadn't fought hard enough back in May, hadn't believed he could possibly change this much. Not like this. And maybe them letting each other go was just the push he needed, but it got her all choked up to know he'd really let her go, even if it had been common knowledge that was what they would do for each other. She didn't actually want him to do it. Selfishly, she wanted him to always be a little bit attached to her, in love with her, hoping maybe somehow things would change. It was horrible, since she had planned fully on moving on with her prince charming, but she wanted to be the only love ever in Chuck's life. It would tear her apart to see him with his own family in the future, and now she was scared he wouldn't be equally devastated to see her with her own.
She let her hand slide under the covers and rub against her belly. There still wasn't much there to rub up and over but she could feel that living being existing inside of her. Shivers covered her arms, creating goosebumps. Everything about the day seemed surreal, but she knew it had been unavoidable. She couldn't believe leaving Chuck had created such an impact on him, but slowly she was allowing herself to believe that maybe she wasn't the one at fault. He had loved her so much that his passion had turned violent. Now he was making amends, both to himself and her. So, why did she still feel like she was falling apart?
Would it be cheating if she went over to Chuck's right this moment, professed her love to him and fell into his arms, vowing to be with him forever; that he was the one she was choosing and nothing he could say could stop her? But then, did Chuck even want her anymore? He was trying to move on. He'd even go so far as to get rid of that gorgeous engagement ring he'd never been able to fully propose with. If Chuck didn't take her back…
Another ripple of shivers covered her arms. The edge of the duvet was just inches from her elbow. She could easily cover her bare skin. Instead, she threw the thick silk off her body and slipped into her slippers and sheer white robe. She padded across the room to the bathroom door and opened it, relieved to find the opposite door closed. This was not something she could talk to Serena about. She had already made her decision. It was just going through with it that made her shake.
She must not get too nervous, she scolded herself. She was not that far along, but if stress was bad in the normal state of being, it was twice as troubling in her delicate state. She lifted her eyes to look in the mirror, expecting large dark circles under her eyes or her hair frizzed and tousled about. There was nothing though. Her hair was in place, she didn't look too tired and her skin still looked exquisitely soft. She washed her face though and she headed back into her bedroom.
For a moment, she paced and then sat on her bed, one foot tapping in mid-air until its slipper flew off. She sighed and looked down at the floor, sliding out of her other slipper. She stood to her feet and went to her closet, searching for something comfortable enough to wear. She wouldn't dress herself up, but who knew what sort of signals it would send Chuck if she arrived at ten o'clock in her silk pajamas.
…
When the elevator doors chimed, Nate turned his head, his eyes going wide. Chuck was still gazing ahead at the coffee table, contemplating his situation. It took a couple nudge from Nate to realize that he was trying to get his attention. Before he could say a word though, he saw his best friend gesturing with his head toward the doors. His lips parted and suddenly the chair Nate had occupied was empty and the blonde was silently walking down the hall to his room.
"Blair," he stated bluntly, half a question. "What are you doing here?" he asked, as she slowly slipped into the room. She had no purse with her. None. And her jacket was light.
She sighed. "I…felt like we didn't get to finish our conversation." She felt her face warm up as his steady eyes consumed her. "We were interrupted," she clarified.
"I wasn't the groom," he said. The harsh reality washed over both of them, hitting Chuck in his gut and Blair down her spine. "I didn't need to be there for any cake deciding."
She swallowed. "I sent them away five minutes after you left my room, but you were already gone." Daringly, she looked at him straight on.
"I didn't think there was anything left to say."
She inched towards him and sat down in the chair Nate had occupied. She felt closer to him now than she had all day somehow. They'd had some intense conversations and during lots of them all she'd wanted was for him to hold her. She wanted someone – anyone – to tell her everything would be alright, even if "alright" defined by her now was she and Chuck together without all these complications. What she'd do now would take all the strength in the world.
"I…" She avoided his eyes by smoothing her fingers down the skirt of her loose dress. "I told you back in the Spring that it would take all the power in me to walk away from you." She sighed. "I was wrong. This is going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do."
"Blair?"
Her now tear-filled eyes flickered up to his and stayed there. "I've never tried to come back to someone when they have no desire to have me anymore."
He froze, starting to comprehend where she was going with this thread of conversation and why she'd come to see him to begin with.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, needing to hear it directly. He saw how it tore her apart to have to give it to him straight. He didn't know why though. He was the one that was hurting without her. The only trouble she had was a prince who needed some straightening up. The day had confused him a lot and brought him to the brink, but he still knew where they stood when everything was said and done. At least, he thought he did.
"Did you really take my ring back?" she asked, and that question alone sent him reeling. Her ring? He was floored. The possession in her voice made it sound as if she'd received it at one point.
"Yes," he said, deciding not to clarify what could potentially be a memorable moment.
"The ring, I mean," she clarified herself. He held back any reaction or further words. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know what I'm doing here," she stood to her feet and tried to pace herself. Her fingers curled into a fist and tears sprung to her eyes. Hormones, she insisted on herself. That was all they were.
Chuck watched her, concerned. "Blair, maybe you should— " He slowly stood to his feet in attempt to bring her back to the chair. Maybe he'd get her a cool washcloth too. It was clear she was overworking herself from some internal battle.
"Do you still love me?" she asked suddenly, her eyes wide and questioned. He was frozen in shock. "I mean," she cleared her throat. "Have you uh…really moved on? Was that it – that, taking the ring back, did it…" she swallowed hard, not wanting to say the words out loud. "…erase everything?"
And suddenly he couldn't breathe. He couldn't move and he couldn't breathe. No! No! No! He wanted to shake her for what she'd just said. Yes, he was trying to move on, but only because he couldn't have her. Just as he'd told Nate before she'd arrived, he could never stop loving her. He couldn't imagine that day ever coming. It was impossible for him to stop loving Blair Waldorf.
"No," he said in a husky whisper. "Blair," He crossed the small space between them and eased her back down into the chair. "We promised each other we'd always love each other. Us letting each other go doesn't change that."
She tried to fight the tears, but it didn't work. Her eyes still filled with them. It was painful holding them back. Her heart hurt. Her head hurt. The whole room spun around her.
"Water," was all she managed to say. She pushed his hot hand off her forehead and fell back into the chair. She couldn't see what he was doing but she felt the cool air that flew by her as he moved into the kitchen, bringing a glass of water to her lips no more than ten seconds later.
"You should be at home sleeping, Blair." He sighed softly and let her hold the glass in her hand as she sunk into the chair. "I'm sure the day was very stressful for you."
She held the cool glass to the side of her face. "And it wasn't for you?"
"I have a therapist." He managed to slide in a smile that she returned. It slowed his beating heart slightly.
"You looked like you were about to cry earlier."
"Because you were hurting," he said.
She tilted her head to the side. "I'm still hurting, Chuck." Her brows furrowed.
"Which is why you should go home. I can't offer much more than water for you."
"I'm not talking about the brief dizzy spell, which by the way is directly related to what happened today. It's the stress. It's the not knowing…" She sighed and took another drink of water.
His brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't understand."
She held out her hand for him to take. Reluctantly he grasped her fingers; chills shot through him as they curled around his palm.
"You're all I ever wanted. I love you."
His eyes remained locked on hers for what felt like an eternity. He hated to break the spell but he had to ask. "And the baby?"
"It's not Louis'."
His hand dropped from hers and he sunk down onto the floor, feeling very faint.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was just so scared, and—"
"It's ours?" he asked, feeling more elated than he thought he had reason to.
She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips.
"But—" he resumed. "What about your happy ending?"
She leaned forward and grabbed his hands again, first setting the glass of water down on the table beside her.
"You're my happy ending." She tugged at his hands and he moved closer. "I'm sitting here with my heart on my sleeve hoping you feel the same way."
"You do realize I'm going to have to have a pissed conversation with you later about you not telling me the baby was ours initially, even if I understand why you didn't?" he said, smiling like a fool.
"Absolutely." She nodded.
"I cried that night. Hard. That baby would have been the one thing keeping us together, making sure we had a thread of connection for the rest of our lives."
She nodded faster, a smile breaking through and tears glittering down her cheeks.
"You took that away from me. I was heartbroken."
She stopped smiling.
"I hit on my therapist."
She tilted her head slightly in question.
"Before she was my therapist," he said.
"Chuck, I love you, and I want to be with you. But I'm still waiting for you to say the same thing. I've been dying all night hoping it was true but scared to death that because of what you said today it wasn't. I couldn't believe you'd given back my engagement ring."
There it was again. That word. My engagement ring.
"I had always hoped it would someday be on my finger, even after Louis' appeared there. I know it doesn't make sense, but…"
He placed two fingers over her lips. "I love you," he said. "I could never stop loving you. I fell in love with you our junior year and after everything that's happened and who I've been with, I've never stopped loving you. Even if I'd been able to move on completely, so that I wouldn't be torn up every day I woke up and realized I wasn't with you, I still wouldn't stop loving you. We promised each other, remember? We promised."
She nodded. "I remember."
"All I've ever wanted is you too. You and I," he clenched his fingers tightly around hers. "We belong together."
Tears streamed down her cheeks again but he no longer took that realization to slip in more words. No more words were needed. He lunged towards her face and pulled her to him from the nape of her neck. Her hair was silk and her skin was smooth as ivory and warm. Lips crashed and tongues plunged. Their teeth clashed against each other. Blair's arms wrapped around his neck and she brought him nearly on top of her with how demanding her body was to claim him. More tears flowed down her face in heavy tangents. Finally, she had to break away so she could breathe. She leaned her forehead against his as he loomed over her.
"I wanted to kiss you back so badly at the Big Sleep No More thing." She breathed heavily against him, with him. "But I was in so much denial and I had to prove to myself that somehow you weren't what I wanted and needed. But you are. You always have been. And now that you're doing so well…"
More tears flew down her cheeks.
"I know," he said, wiping the tears from her face and gathering her in his arms. Hardly able to believe what had happened, he carried her down to the hall and placed her on the bed in his bedroom. He took off his jacket and loosened his tie, unbuttoning a few buttons and then all of them. He unbuckled his belt and slid it out of the loops, laying it on the dresser beside him. Then, unable to stop himself he went to her.
"I haven't let myself on the outside, but I've been going out of my mind wondering what it would have been like if I had been your happy ending."
"You are." She dragged his face down to hers. "Never anyone else. Never again."
He lightly placed his hand on her stomach and then found the hem of her dress and pulled the garment up over her head. His warm hand flitted across her bra-encased breasts.
"Are you still feeling dizzy from before?"
She shook her head. "No."
He leaned down and kissed her lips softly. "I'll go gently."
"I thought you were really over me," she said. "That's why I got dizzy."
He kissed her all over her face and down her neck and arms and legs. Then he rid himself of his clothing and he reclaimed her softly, knowing now he would never let her go.
….
A/N: So, I pretty much think this is crap, but maybe you don't, so comment! lol