The Stupid Cruise Story

by The Grim Wombat

I think I was drunk when I wrote this. I don't even remember writing it, but it's been around for about a month and a half. Where it came from is anyone's guess. I don't even remember that it exists half the time... OK, the title is self-explanatory.

*****

The Stupid Cruise Story

By Miyako Inoue, Queen of Cheese, Also Called Kuroneko-sama and Prone to Saying "Myaa", Official Glomper of Zazie, Keeper of All Weird Freaky and Underappreciated Animals Everywhere Especially Llamas, Wombats, Pygmy Goats, and Armadillos, And High Sworn Protector of Spike Spiegel From Certain PEOPLE Who Contrive To Take Him Away From Me Even Though I Hold All Rights To The Man And That Was Clearly Stated In The Peace Agreement And FayeFaye Can Have Him If And Only If I Say So But Since You Already Get To Keep Vash, Ryouga, Piccolo, Knives, And Anyone Else You Want And That Should Be Good Enough For You But It's Obviously Not So Just Keep Your Hands Off The Poor Poor Man If You're Reading This Now You Know Who You Are And If You Are Not Someone I Know And You Think I'm A Nut Then That's Okay Because You're Right You Know , And Almighty High Priestess of Really Really Long Names, Need I Say More I Think Not

*****

"Step right up!" yelled Daisuke. "It's Daisuke's Creek Cruise!"

"I don't think this ship is stable," said Joe, inspecting the boat. It was a raft tied on top of an innertube, and was big enough to seat five comfortably. It's sail was actally Daisuke's polka-dotted bedsheet tied to a curtainrod.

Ed and Armadimon waded back out of the creek, finished with putting the final touches on the "boat."

"Great," said Daisuke, stepping back to admire their handiwork. "Now all we have to do is find some suckers- I mean, customers- to come along."

And lo and behold, they did.

Three customers, to be exact. Ash Ketchum, and Genki-who-has-no-last-name, were dragging a very tired Tatewaki Kuno.

"Aha!" yelled Daisuke. "Customers!"

Joe sat down on the raft. Ed and the armadillo pushed the three up to Daisuke.

Ash and Genki hopped up and down. Kuno looked ready to die.

"Can we go on a cruise, Uncle Kuno? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze?" they both begged.

Kuno let out a huge sigh. "For the last time, refer to me as upperclassman."

"Please, Uncle Kuno?"

A vein in his forehead started to throb. "Fine." He shoved three quarters into Daisuke's hand and walked towards the raft.

"Wait!" said Ed. "Daisuke says only two suckers at a time!"

Kuno glared. "Please don't make me hurt you..."

Ed grinned and gave a thumbs-up.

Ash and Genki leaped onto the boat, causing it to shake and Joe to fall off the boat.

Kuno stood back and examined the twisted apparation that stood before him. "Hmm. Looks like a seaworthy vessel."

Ed pushed him into the stream, causing him to land on top of Joe.

Daisuke helped Jou back ont the raft, as Ash and Genki did the same for their "uncle."

"Are you hurt, uncle Kuno?" they said in unison.

He lay on his side moaning. "May I die now?"

Genki jumed on top of him. "Not until we inflict much more pain on you."

Armadimon got on the boat. "I christen this vessel the SS SSSSSSSSS. We only had an S stencil." He then took out a bottle of wine and chugged it.

Daisuke opened the sail, and they were off.

Some time later...

Genki dipped his hand in the water. "You know, there's something about the high seas that makes me feel adventurous. Don't you agree, Uncle Kuno?"

Kuno threw up over the side of the boat. Daisuke was leaning on the mast, and the armadillo was pushing the boat.

Ash was sitting on his "uncle's" back, braiding his hair. "Isn't this the life, Uncle Kuno?"

"I refuse to answer that question."

"May I have your attention, please!" called Daisuke. "This is your captain speaking. Thank you for choosing Daisuke's Creek Cruise. And now, a musical interlude by 88-fingered Edward."

Ed pulled out a weird harp-xylophone thing and began strumming it with her toes.

-Meanwhile...-

Chibi Usa, Hikari, and Misty were sitting in their house doing laundry.

"I wish we had a man around to do this work," Misty said.

They all sighed. Then, a strange noise caught their attention, and they ran outside.

The girls saw the raft floating downstream. They looked at each other, grinned evilly, and yelled, "GET "EM!!!"

They hopped on their own personal raft.

-Back at the special place...-

Everyone (except for Kuno) was enjoying a nice little musical number when they heard a shriek from Joe.

"PIRATES!!!"

Ash looked excited. "Pirates?"

Genki also snapped to attention. "Where?"

They jumped around yapping happily. "I'm a buccaneer, matey!" yelled Ash.

"ARR! We be seafarin' pirates, arr!" said Genki.

Kuno, lying on his stomach, raised a fist. "Woo, yes, arr, matey. I need a barf bag and fast."

The pirates were approaching faster.

"Hey, Ed, get out there and paddle!" yelled Daisuke.

"We're gaining on you!" called Chibi Usa, who was wearing an eyepatch.

They cackled.

Joe grabbed Kuno's sword and hurled it through the girls' sail.

"Hey!" yelled Kari, waving her hook hand in the air. "That was my best bedsheet!"

The pirates continued to gain on them.

We have one chance left," said Daisuke, with a determined gleam in his eyes. "Climb on, guys."

Then he reached for the plug on the innertube.

"NO!" yelled Joe. "That only works in the-"

But it was too late. Captain Daisuke pulled the plug.

The air quickly leaked out, and the boat sank to the bottom of the creek. Luckily, it was so shallow that they were only up to their ankles in water.

"Cartoons." Joe finished sadly.

-Later...-

Daisuke, Ed, Joe, Armadimon, Ash, and Genki were in a line on the girls' boat, getting ready to walk the plank.

"Hahahahaha!!! Feel our power and tremble, weak men!!!" yelled Chibi Usa, threatening to impale Daisuke on her sword.

"No, just a little lower... Oh, yeah... that's good..." came Kuno's voice from the other end of the boat,

Hikari was massaging him and Misty was feeding him grapes.

"NOW WALK THE PLANK!!!" screamed Chibi Usa shrilly.

"Well," said Joe, "I guess this is the end. I always knew something like this would happen, but you think anyone listened? NOOOOOO!!!"

"Shut up," said Daisuke.

Suddenly, although it's anyone's guess how it had passed by them for so long, Ash and Genki noticed Kuno. Or, more specifically, Hikari and Misty doing those things to him.

"What are you doing to him?!" yelled Ash.

"That's SICK!" yelled Genki.

They struck a dramatic Sailor Moon-esque pose. "WE WILL PUNISH YOU!" They then pulled out jackhammers.

The two hyperactive children went wild, hitting every possible surface with the jackhammers, and mercifully puncturing the innertube.

"Nooooo!" screamed Hikari.

"Why?!" yelled Chibi Usa.

"How could you?!" shreaked Misty.

"WE'RE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELTING!!!" they screamed. All three ran home crying.

Ash and Genki high-fived each other. Then Kuno walked up to them glaring. "What did you do that for!? Someone finally loved me, and then you two little mutants wrecked it! Go bother someone else!"

The two ran away giggling.

He turned to the boat crew. "And as for you, if I never saw you again in my life, I'd be perfectly happy." Kuno stormed off.

Daisuke looked depressed. "Well, I guess that's it for the boat... I suppose now we'll have to think of a new way to pay for the cappuchino machine."

-Meanwhile, at Capsule Corp.-

Two voices spoke in unison.

"Uncle Vegeta, Uncle Vegeta, can we have watermelon for breakfast?"

A very feminine scream was heard for miles.

THE END

(or is it?...)