A/N: Another one-shot thing. This one is a humor one, I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer:
Kyo: -in monotone voice- ILC doesn't own anything, not even the ham and cheese sandwich.
ILC: What about the one I just ate?
Megumi: You didn't just eat a sandwich; there is no need for all of this animosity. I might just accidentally curse you if you aren't nice . . . Jill.
ILC: What the crap…
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Ham and Cheese
One-shot humor
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Tohru Honda let out a great sigh as she closed her book and closed the notebook to rid herself of the blank paper. She just couldn't focus her mind on writing her essay. Stupid history. Tohru set to packing her bag and once she was finished she snatched up the bag and headed upstairs to her room.
Her bed looked so comfortable at this time of night but she made sure she brushed her teeth first and remembered to take her bows out of her hair.
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Enter Dream Sequence
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There were piles and piles of odd paper all over the strange room. They were colored pink and yellow. She vaguely remembered them from her childhood. Ah yes, construction paper, she used to make things out of it as a child.
She bent to pick up one of each of the colored paper and turned them over only to find the words 'ham' appear on the pink one and 'cheese' appear on the yellow one. As she looked around the room she saw the same words appeared on all the other pieces of paper scattered through out the room. She found this very odd and was very surprised when a tall, skinny man dressed exactly like Hatori, from head to foot, walked into the room. The man picked up a piece of paper, per color, and went to dancing around on his toes with them. He swayed from left to right, jumping in the air and crouching to the ground. Every so often he would grab a pile of these papers and throw them into the air. Then, just as sudden as he had appeared, he was gone. Before Tohru could stop to think about the scene that unfolded before her the scene before suddenly changed, and instead she saw a runway in the distance. Surrounding that runway were many, many fold-up chairs all with human sized chunks of ham and cheese sitting upon them. Various chunks were holding flashing cameras, or clipboards and pencils. The next second a woman walked out from behind the curtains leading towards the runway. She realized, after a second, that this 'woman' was Arisa. And she was sporting a dress made of pink and yellow pieces of paper, also labeled ham and cheese! And again, this scene disappeared quite suddenly. All of the sudden, the room was completely empty. The only people she could see were circles of the members of the zodiac. Tohru felt a pang of fear shoot through her, then she realized that this was all just a VERY strange dream. Tohru walked up closer to the circle and peered past two of the zodiac members. They were circled around two figures. One of them was very plainly Akito and the other, she was surprised to find, was herself! She glimpsed just in time to see herself pull out a gun and shoot Akito. A huge flash of pink and yellow light rushed towards Akito, and on contact, his (A/N: Yeah I know Akito is a woman but in this one Akito is a boy!) body exploded into a thousand pieces of showering ham and cheese labeled pieces of construction paper!
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End dream sequence
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Tohru awoke with a start, cold sweat dripping off her forehead. She stretched slowly and got out of bed.
"What an odd dream," Tohru thought to herself, "I'll have to be sure to tell the others about that."
Once Tohru was downstairs she sat in between Kyo and Yuki.
"Hey Kyo?"
"Yes Tohru?"
"Well I had this dream just now. I think it may have something to do with destroying
Akito!"
"Tell me later or not at all. First, what's for breakfast?" Asked Kyo.
"Ham and cheese." Tohru replied smiling brightly getting up and walking into the kitchen.
"Oh how I love Tohru's magnificent cooking. Ham and cheese will be delightful. After all Tohru will be cooking it" Shigure said taking a seat at the table and is soon delivered with two hits in the head.
"SHUT UP!" Both Yuki and Kyo yell.
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Meanwhile in the kitchen
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"Ham and cheese, ham and cheese, we all love ham and cheese!" Tohru sang while making the final touches on the sandwiches.
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Back to the boys
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Kyo groans. "How long does it take to make a damn sandwich?"
"Be grateful Miss. Honda makes food for you at all, stupid cat." Yuki replied.
"Yeah well—" Kyo started.
Tohru then walked out of the kitchen with the sandwiches on a plate. "All done!"
Suddenly as she proceeds to the table she trips over a conveniently placed shoe and all the sandwiches go flying. At this Shigure starts to cry at the loss of his precious food made by Tohru, Kyo tries to catch a sandwich but ends up hugging Tohru and turning into a cat, and Yuki sits there muttering something about a "stupid cat."
"Not the sandwiches! Oh no, I am a disgrace. I shouldn't be worthy of making a sandwich like that. All I ever do is ruin masterpieces like you. Why Mom why!" Tohru cries out in anguish.
"Tohru dear, why not get ready for school like the good girl you are. After all they were just sandwiches and not to important. Well they were important since you used the last of the ham and cheese. Actually that was the last of our food in general, but getting to the point. I'm sure we can always eat the grass outside or construction paper." Shigure said soothingly.
"You're…you're right." Tohru said getting up and leaving the table and turned to face Shigure. "I shall go and make something else worthy of this household!" She then runs into the kitchen.
"Eh, he, he, I don't think she understood what I meant." Shigure said leaning back.
"You think?" Kyo snapped at him transforming back into human form and getting changed quickly.
"Why yes I do Kyo. You see there is this thing called a brain and—"
"That's it! I'm going to school!" Kyo yelled marching out of the house.
Tohru then came running out of the kitchen. "I'M LAAAAAATE!" She ran after Kyo to the school.
Yuki then looks at Shigure accusingly. "You planned this all along didn't you?"
"I haven't the foggiest idea of what you talk about Yuki." Shigure replied feigning ignorance.
Yuki didn't reply and left for school catching up to Tohru and Kyo quickly.
Shigure then started cackling like a maniac. "Yes, soon the world will be taken over by ham and cheese with me as their leader!" He then picked up one of the sandwiches and walked into his writing room eating it and cackling madly.
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ILC: Hm…the end once again, though I don't think it is that funny towards the end. Oh well!
Tohru: I don't even like ham and cheese.
ILC: Well you do now.
Shigure: High school girls, high school girls, 1 2 3, high school girls!
ILC: I know what you're thinking Shigure…
Yuki: Why would you want to know that?
ILC: -shrugs-
Haru: Enlighten us then.
ILC: -takes deep breath- Shigure is thinking about Yuki wearing a pink thong and matching bra and how Yuki stuffs his bra with blueberry muffins. Poor innocent muffins…
Shigure: LIES!
ILC: -hides-