Does love need not be unrequited, for it to be worth fighting for? How do you know when 'enough' is enough? Why am I having trouble letting go a feeling that is not even returned? How do you say goodbye to something that has been a big part of your life?
--
She said that I didn't really love her, that I was only blind. Yes, I do admit that I have poor eyesight, but I am not blind, and neither did I use my eyes the first time that I looked at her more than five months ago.
'The heart sees things that the eyes cannot.' she smiled at me. My heart saw her heart. And then I fell...
--
I once said that I will love her as long as she's a part of my life. As much as I hate breaking up my promises, I have no choice but to give up this one.
It's not that I didn't love her. Yes, I did, and I even fell twice. Imagine that. Falling in love with the same stupid person. How stupid.
It's not because I couldn't bear the pain anymore. There is no pain. In fact, the only thing that exists in my heart right now is a big void of nothingness.
It's not because she is not worthy of this feeling. She's a wonderful person. Her eyes have this certain sparkle in them whenever she smiles. Which she often does, btw. And neither is it because I think that I am not worthy.
There's something lacking. I know there is, I just don't know what. Maybe it's maturity that she lacks. Maybe I'm a bit disappointed because she doesn't seem to be serious at viewing things. Maybe it's too much positive outlook in life. Maybe it's because she always smiles.
But whatever it is, I don't really care about it anymore. I'm tired of thinking. It's about time I save myself from this madness.
--
Yesterday was the first day that I didn't wait for her to finish her classes. It was a start, a sad start, of moving on with my life. Moving on, and not trying, because I will move on, no matter how painful it may be.
I didn't even saw her. I skipped my classes for the whole day. I didn't even bother on 'sniping' for her outside her classrooms. I wasn't even in the mood to socialize with people other than our common friends.
All I wanted to do all day is to stare at the ceiling. And try not to think about all those moments that I shared with her. Those moments, that would soon be forgotten as I try to erase her from my system, from my heart, from my soul, from my mind, and from my life.
Goodbye to the love that kept me inspired for the past five years. This will be the last time that I will dwell on things that happened, should have happened, and never will happen, between us. Believe me when I say that I loved you for who you really are, and not because of how you look.
Thanks for the friendship, though I know that that's the only thing I could share with you.
Thanks for the happy thoughts that almost made me fly.
So I guess this is it...
Sayonara, Tsuki no Hime.
Of
all the things I've believed in
I
just want to get it over with
Tears
form behind my eyes
But
I do not cry
Counting
the days that pass me by
I've
been searching deep down in my soul
Words
that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It
feels like I'm starting all over again
The
last three years were just pretend
And
I said,
Goodbye
to you
Goodbye
to everything that I knew
You
were the one I loved
The
one thing that I tried to hold on to
The
one thing that I tried to hold on to
I
still get lost in your eyes
And
it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing
my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To
a place where I am blinded by the light
But
it's not right
And
it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I
want what's yours and I want what's mine
I
want you
But
I'm not giving in this time
And
when the stars fall
I
will lie awake
You're
my shooting star
-- Goodbye To You, by Michelle Branch
Author's Note:
Yo, sorry about the mistake I made. This one-shot is about Rei and Usagi, not Haruka and Michiru.
It was an honest mistake. And I apologize for it. (This is what happens when I overwork myself T.T)
I just feel like writing a sad monologue about them…
Disclaimer:
Rei,
Usagi, and the rest of the BSSM gang belong to Naoko Takeuchi. I'm
just borrowing them for a little while.
While the song is owned by
Michelle Branch, her producer, and its writer.