I will not…
Chapter One
I will not annoy Jane. Ever. It would be very painful!!
The Quileute shape shifters are not "nice doggies".
I will not think of really annoying songs every time I am see Edward.
I will not hum the "Imperial March" ( Darth Vader's theme song ) whenever the Volturi enter a room.
I will not tell Alice that professor Trelawney can see the feature better than her.
I will not make Dracula jokes around the Romanian vampires.
I will not sic Twilight fangirls on the Cullens.
Jacob does not want a Scooby snack.
I will not call Rosalie ugly.
10. I will not tease any vampires with fake, movie blood.