A/N: Set 5-7 years from now? They're both working. I listened to T. Swift's "Last Kiss" while working on this and that's where I took the title from. Sorry for any errors.
He knows him. He knows how to read Sebastian unlike anyone else.
The way he bites down on the left side of his lower lip, always the left, when he's thinking. The way he would clench his jaw when he's angry and the slight furrow in his eyebrows when he's trying to understand something. Blaine could tell when Sebastian finds something disgusting or adorable by the difference in the way he scrunches his nose. He would clutch his right hand with his left and repeatedly brush his thumb over his right fingers when he is hurt or scared (a mannerism Blaine noticed after their first huge fight). Sebastian also has the tendency to tap his right foot in a certain pattern when he was really nervous and tilt his head to the right when he's trying to be cute or is asking Blaine for something. He would duck his head and cross his arms when he was embarrassed. The list goes on.
There is also the way Sebastian looks at Blaine, the look that means he wants Blaine (on the nearest surface as soon as possible); the stubborn look that Blaine knows he isn't going to win the argument anytime soon; the look that is filled with warm affection that makes Blaine feel tingly from head to toe; and his eyes always holds a certain sparkle, a certain life, that can make Blaine feel immediately infinitely better when he is having a bad day or calm him down when he is frustrated.
It was humbling, to be able to just know with one shared look or a tiny gesture. They were never great with communication- causing problems early on in their relationship, Blaine prefers to say things with songs and Sebastian likes to hide behind a cool facade- but knowing Sebastian's tells does makes it easier to know what Sebastian is thinking, what he is feeling.
They were in the living room. Sebastian was sitting on the edge of the couch, forearms resting on his knees, hands clutched together, gaze set on the floor. Blaine was standing in front of him, feeling the distance separating them is far greater than just a coffee table. The steady tick-tock of the clock, is the only thing that breaks the silence that descended upon them the moment the words, "I kissed Kurt," left his lips.
Tick-tock.
Blaine is waiting for Sebastian to say something.
Tick-tock.
Blaine is waiting for Sebastian to look at him.
Tick-tock.
When the silence becomes unbearable, when he could feel it threatening to suffocate him he breaks it, "Sebastian... I'm sorry. I really-"
"You're not telling me this so I can forgive you." Sebastian cuts him off, voice sounding small, far smaller than Sebastian ever has a right to be. "You're telling me this because you're choosing him."
Kurt has been adjusting his costume for a scene. The warmth of Kurt's hands seeping through the fabric, stirring something in his chest.
"This just needs to taper off and I think we're all set." Kurt stood up from his hunched position, face inches from Blaine's.
Kurt glanced down at Blaine's lips then back up, blue meeting hazel. Blaine mirrored the movement.
The quiet voice of Sebastian brings him back to the present. "I have to say, knowing this was coming doesn't make it any less painful."
Sebastian knows Blaine well enough to hear the question behind the tiny noise that escaped him. As well versed as he is in picking up Sebastian's nonverbal cues, Sebastian is just as good in picking up on his. If not even better.
"A month ago, it was week after you started working with Kurt at the theater."
A month. Sebastian has known for a month.
Blaine knows it's unfair for him to be mad at Sebastian. For all reasons and purposes, it should be the other way around but he can't help the irrational anger that crashes through him. He was expecting Sebastian to get angry at him, to look at him with disgust, to shout at him, to hate him, but not this, "You knew? You knew. You just didn't care enough about us to a-"
"Don't." Sebastian finally, finally, looks at him.
Sebastian wasn't crying but what Blaine saw in those beautiful green eyes, broke him far more than seeing tears in them. Sebastian wasn't crying, Sebastian was building his walls up against Blaine, brick by brick, when he never had to before.
It was one of the things that made them unable to fully cut the other out from their lives. For two people who are used to wearing masks, slipping from one role to the next- blurring the lines of stage and real life- it was surprising how easy it was to be themselves around each other. The amazing feeling of having someone know all sides of who you are and not only accept them, but actually likes them as well. No pretenses, no defenses, just them. Blaine and Sebastian. Sebastian and Blaine.
Seeing Sebastian feel the need to protect himself against Blaine was a vice grip to his heart.
The emotion behind that one word was gone, and Blaine wonders if he imagined it, as Sebastian quietly adds, "Don't make this out as something that I wanted. You're the one choosing him."
"And you're just letting me." Blaine snaps back. He's angry and hurt (it doesn't have to make sense, he thinks, feelings are feelings no matter how unfair they are- because God, if him lashing out right now isn't unfair then he doesn't know what is). Sebastian was the boy who pursued him relentlessly, who came back time and time again and that same boy was now letting him go as if he never really held on.
"You still haven't figured it out, have you?"
Confusion joins his anger and hurt. Figured what out? That Sebastian has never really cared about them, their relationship, about him at all?
No.
No. He couldn't mean that. No matter what he wouldn't doubt that what they have- had now, was real.
"I'll be staying with one of the guys for a while. Feel free to get your stuff." Sebastian says as he stands up.
"That's it? You're just gonna let me go?"
"What else do you want me to say, Blaine? What else do you want from me?"
He wants for all of this to be simple. He wants to not have to choose (but as Sebastian had said earlier, he already did). He wants to not hurt Sebastian. He wants it to be easy. He wants to forget Kurt, to not love Sebastian. He wants to...
"I want you to fight for me."
He lets the words slip out of his lips, no matter how selfish they are. Because that's what he is, selfish. Why else would he wait for a month to tell Sebastian aside from the sole reason that he wants to keep Sebastian in his life a little bit longer?
He can hear the pleading in his tone and he wonders if he sounds as pathetic as he feels. "I want you to want me enough. I want that if you knew you could lose me that you would actually care eno-."
An empty chuckle from Sebastian interrupts him.
"It's exhausting." The green eyes have looked away from him again, "It's exhausting, constantly worrying, that today is the day you leave me for him. Sometimes, when I work late, I think about not coming back home to you, leaving you before you leave me. But I can't. I can't be- I can't be the one who-" He takes a deep breath and his eyes finds Blaine's, "There are days when I have to tell myself that I can't love you more, that I can't let myself fall in love with you more than I already have, that this is it, until here. But you'd do something or say something and it doesn't even matter."
Sebastian shakes his head after a few moments, "You know where to leave the keys."
Sebastian walks to pass him and Blaine unconsciously moves in response that Sebastian immediately tenses and stops.
It was something they were teased upon before, how they moved seamlessly, moving to accommodate the other unconsciously.
It looks like Sebastian wants to say something but thinks better of it.
"Can I-?" Blaine hesitates, this is probably the last time he'll ever be this close to Sebastian. What else does he have to lose?
Blaine has never been more grateful that Sebastian knows him well enough to know what he's asking for.
The moment Sebastian opens his arms, he doesn't hesitate to fall into them. The familiar sense of love fills him as Sebastian's arms tighten around him.
He doesn't know how long they stay there, head resting on Sebastian's chest, arms wrapped around each other. Sebastian always had that effect on him, making time of no consequence when they are in each others presence.
All too soon, he can feel Sebastian shifting, as he pressed a chaste kiss on top of Blaine's head, preparing to pull away.
No. Not yet.
Standing on his tiptoes, he blindly presses his lips to Sebastian's (finding them as he had done a million times before).
Blaine's tightens his grip around Sebastian, pulling him closer. Their lips move against each other in a familiar rhythm (the difference is the knowledge that this would be the last time, the last one), slow and sweet, drawing it out. Neither one of them wanting it to end.
This is them, stripped from life's complexities, pure and simple.
He wants to capture this moment and keep it safe. He wants to place it in a box- together with all of their memories together: talking up to the wee hours of the morning about everything and nothing, singing along with the radio as they drove up state with no clear destination, dancing in the kitchen without a single care, laying in bed for hours memorizing and worshiping each others body, and every other little thing that is Sebastian- and bury it where no one can find it (maybe not even himself).
Something salty enters his senses and Blaine notes that he's crying. Tears mixing with the movement of their lips. Their lips disconnect for air, an infinitesimal space, for less than a second only to reconnect again and again. When they separate for more than a heart beat, Blaine breathes out, "I love you."
And he does. He does love him. Sebastian should know that.
The unspoken sentiment, "I know. just not enough." hangs heavy in the space around them and the cracks inside both of them, as Sebastian gently wipes the tear tracks on Blaine's cheeks.
It hits him, he loves Sebastian- more than enough- and it is exactly why he is doing this. He's doing this not because he doesn't love Sebastian enough, that he loves Kurt more. He's doing this because Sebastian deserves someone who would love him and only him, someone who wouldn't doubt that his heart belonged to him alone. Sebastian deserves better.
"You can't fight it, Blaine. What you and I have will always pull us in. We're soulmates. The love of each others life. Why prolong the inevitable?"
Kurt is his inevitability. No matter how long they decide to play this out, this thing with Kurt would never not be a part of his life. And he's not naive enough to hope that he gets to have both of them in his life.
"How much longer do you intend to pretend that you don't want to be with me? You know as well as I do that a part of you still loves me."
Blaine looks up through his lashes, gold meeting green. The warmth in those eyes that used to leave him feeling tingly from head to toe, now, leaves him with a gaping hole in his chest.
Sebastian's goodbye comes with a promise, "I'll miss you."