Crack is good for you! :D
Warnings: Crack, crack, and more crack!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything…D:
Magical Unicorns!
Chappy Un: White Stick
There was always something about the unicorns hanging up on the walls of the Uchiha mansion that intrigued Uchiha Sasuke. It wasn't the fact that they were white and looked like horses with horns sticking out of them, but because they were…
Unicorns!
I mean the name…Sasuke has always wondered why exactly they were called "Unicorns" There wasn't really anything corny about them. If anything, they were horny. So why weren't they called "Unihorns"? Is it because whenever he asked his older brother, Itachi would laugh his head off and say something about dirty or perverted that Sasuke had no idea of what he was talking about.
And so, 8-years old Uchiha Sasuke went on a quest to search for the mystery of the "Unicorns".
He started the quest a few weeks ago actually, but there were no findings, so I won't get into that crap. So I'll start with today, when he found a pure white spiraled horn in his back yard. It was…
A horn of a rhino! No way! Sasuke stared at the horn, what was a rhino horn doing here? Wait! He could ask his genius of a brother! Yes, aniki would know what it's doing here in mom's tomato garden.
And so our hero of this story cried out for his brother, very loudly I should say. "ANIIIIIKIIIII!!!"
His brother came out of his Dark and Mysterious Room© looking very tired. He glared at the boy and waited for him to speak.
Except all Sasuke did was stand there and stare at the older male who had came out of his Dark and Mysterious Room©.
Until Itachi finally had enough and ask the one question that would change the world. The one word that always mesmerized Sasuke to no end, because he never ever had the answer to that one question. The word that we all know as…
"What?" A loud gasp erupted from younger Uchiha, making the older one twitch viciously.
It only took that one word to turn Sasuke into a blubbering idiot that only made Itachi glare harder. That is…until Itachi poked him on the forehead and asked a better question. "What do you want calling me?"
At that, Sasuke visibly calmed himself down, not needing to answer the Question of Doom™.
"Nii-san! Look! What's a rhino horn doing in the backyard?" Sasuke held up the pure white spiral horn for his aniki to look at.
"…Otouto…That's not a rhino horn…"
"It isn't!?" Sasuke gasped incredulously.
"It's a unicorn horn…"
"You mean it's a…OMG!!"
"Yeah, whatever, wake me up when it's morning and not 3 A.M."
"Yes, nii-san!" Sasuke took off to study the unicorn horn. He sure is hyper at 3 in the morning Itachi thought as he yawned and went back into his Dark and Mysterious Room©.
And so we continued the adventure of Uchiha Sasuke. God bless him…and his idiotic ideas.
Sasuke had taken the horn into his room and placed it under a lamp. Sure it kinda late at night, but who cares when you've found a unicorn horn. Except adults, adults wouldn't care at all.
The little raven took out a pocket knife that he had ninja stole from his dad. He carefully…well, not really carefully, after all he did stab the horn with the knife! And then, and then!
…The horn
…Broke…
The knife in half!!!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!!!!!!" Sasuke clasped his mouth and coughed. "Er, I mean YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Honey? What's all the noise about?" Crap! His mother had heard him. Sasuke slowly turned around and grinned nervously.
"Oh, nothing mom. Just talking to myself."
"Alright dear, try not to be so loud."
"Yes mom."
Sasuke turned back around and examined his knife. It was clearly, as I've said before, broken in half cleanly, like the horn was magical or something.
"Whooooa…" Sasuke said in awe, this was the coolest thing ever! Actually, his brother was the coolest thing ever. Okay, this was the second coolest thing ever!
He had to show his brother…except Itachi said not to wake him up until morning…
Ahhhh! He can't wait!
And thus, Sasuke once again rushed to Itachi's room and knocked loudly.
But his brother had to give him the Question of Doom™. As Sasuke blubbered about nonsense, Itachi hit his forehead in exasperation. How is it that he turned out to be a genius, his little brother turned out to be an idiot?
"Sasuke…What do you want?"
"Ha…haa…haaaa…The unicorn's horn broke my knife…" Sasuke gave Itachi the puppy-eyes look, knowing it works every time…except this time.
"So? Where'd you get the knife anyways?"
"…Eh…I…um…F-found it?"
"Sasuke-kun." Itachi said sternly, adding the 'kun' as an effect.
"Noooo! Please don't tell dad! I stole it off him!"
Itachi sighed, this was getting annoying. I mean, it is 3 in the morning…3:47 actually, but that's beside the point!
"Sasuke, I won't tell dad if you let me sleep, deal?"
"Deal!" Slam. Ouch, Itachi had shut the door in his face. That's going to leave a bruise.
Feeling a little down, Sasuke decided he should be getting some sleep too. And so, our little Uchiha went back into his room, climbed into bed and stared at the ceiling thinking about the horn.
And no, he did not fall asleep.
The next afternoon
Instead of bothering his brother this time, Sasuke wanted to ask mom, cause she soooo much nicer than his aniki. The little raven went out in search of the mommy raven, never noticing brother raven or daddy raven telling him (for the hundredth time) that mommy raven was out shopping.
So all day since breakfast, Sasuke had been running around, shouting "MOMMY!!"
Well, Sasuke couldn't find mommy raven, so he went into the backyard and examined the area in which he had found the horn. There was a little shuffling to the right behind some bushes of blueberry, making little raven jump. He stared curiously after getting over the 'I-thought-I-was-about-to-be-kidnapped' stage.
Suddenly, something white and BIG jumped out at him and killed him…
…
Kidding, he was being attacked though! Sasuke screamed for help and saw his daddy and brother rushing out before he had passed out from the extreme shock.
When the little raven woke up, from extreme shock, he was surrounded by huge white horses. And did I mention they all had white horns sticking out of them? I didn't? Well, they do, by the way!
And so Sasuke passed out again from extreme shock…actually, he was just plain tired, but let's pretend.
When he woke up, again, he was still surrounded by white horses with horns sticking out of them. Surprise, surprise!
Sasuke gasped a really loud gasp and almost fell over when one of them semi-head-butted him. Couldn't do a full one or else it would've stabbed him.
And then!
…It SPOKE!!
Sasuke was so surprised, that he wasn't listening to it, thus not really understanding what it said.
"Bonjour, petit garçon!"
"Huh?"
"Ni hao?"
"Wha?"
"Hola?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Bon Giorno?" The unicorn tried again, but the boy was still staring.
"Guten Tag? Dia Duit? Namaste? Zdravstvuite? Yia sou? Dobry rano? Shalom? Marhabah? Hej? Goedendag? Jambo? Chao? Ahn nyeong ha se yo? Bom dia? Hyvää päivää?" By now the unicorn had given up.
"Look, if you're trying to say something, there are only two languages I know, Japanese and English." Sasuke stared at the unicorn as its eyes widen in realization.
"Oh…sorry, anyways! We have business to talk of!"
"Like what?"
"Like how you have a horn of ours."
"Like, I totally, like, found it!"
"…Yeah, okay. Anyways, we need it back."
"Like, WHY?!"
"Like, because I said so!"
"Like, you're not, like, the boss of me!"
"Like, I don't give a fuck!"
"Like, you're using, like, a bad word!!"
"Like, just give me the horn!"
"Like, no way!"
"Like, I'll just, like, kill you then!"
"Like, whatever~!"
"Like…Like…Give me the damn horn!"
"Like, no!"
"Stop saying 'like' already! And give me the hoooooorn!"
"Like…Why can't I say 'like'?"
"Because it's annoying…"
"Like, I won't, like, stop just because you, like, told me to!"
"GIVE ME THE HORN!"
"Like, fine!" Sasuke handed the horn to the unicorn and pouted. He found that, not the horse!
"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
"Hmph!"
"...Tu es un stupid garçon…"
"What?" Sasuke really didn't like the language change, from what he know, the unicorn was calling him stupid!
"Oh, nothing, you may leave now."
Pouting, Sasuke got up and walked to the tall bushes, he squeezed through them and found himself back in mommy's tomato garden. The hole that he had made was gone, as if it had never been there.
Then the little raven was pulled up into a hug. "Nii-san?"
"Sasuke! I was so worried! You disappeared all of the sudden!"
"I'm sorry, but I was kidnapped by unicorns…" Sasuke buried his face in his brother's neck, it felt good.
"Oh…They will pay…" Itachi growled darkly, a hint of insanity with it.
Well, that was it…God those 'like's were annoying, I had to type them so much, they don't even look like 'like's anymore ._. It's scary.
Hope you enjoyed! And the 'chappy un' just fit there, there won't be other chapters. This is the whole story! D: