Breaking the Barrier

A/N: This is my first attempt and I do not own any of the characters, they belong to novel genius Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 1

BPOV

I sighed as looked down at the letters in front of me, sweeping a piece the stray reddish brown hair that hung in front of my eyes and tucking it behind my right ear.

Charlie was right when he said it was the littlest decision in life that can change the course of everything. My father wasn't one for talking, but whenever we did speak to each other, it was often prophetic with his small town wisdom. I found myself cursing at myself because I would be so blind to his advice most of the time until it was staring smack in the face telling how dumb I really was.

Here I was at a crossroads. Deciding whether to stay put where I was and try to make a living or to move on and change the path my life was currently set in, in hopes of something better. When Jake and I were together, I would never dream of leaving. I thought that the love I felt for him would never make me want anything more. I was happy and comfortable with him and he felt the same with me.

It was too comfortable which was the problem and that is why we knew it would never truly work for us to be together any more. Although we both agreed it would be best to just remain plutonic friends, it still took me three months to return the engagement ring he gave me for Christmas. We had spent a majority of our lives together and it seemed like marriage would have been the natural next step for us.

We had been childhood friends since I could remember, Charlie forcing me on his fishing trips with his best friend, Billy and Jake would be right there bouncing up and down next to his father, fishing pole ready to go. He was the brother I never had and we were always off on our own adventures. Either his picking me out of the tide pools I had slipped into or helping me up after falling down his porch while running away from the bullfrog he threw in front of my face. He was always there to pick me up with a brotherly hug and a laugh at my clumsiness.

It wasn't until my sophomore year in high school that I started to notice Jake in a different light. He was just starting his freshmen year and was starting to grow like a weed. His arms doubled and then tripled in muscle over the course of two years and grew a good foot taller than me by the time I reached my senior year. It was at this time I realized that the strange feelings I felt towards him over the last two years of his development were those of not plutonic friendship. I was finding Jake attractive and I decided to try and see how he felt about me.

A few weeks after my senior year had started Billy and Jake were joining Charlie and I for a Friday dinner fish fry I was preparing, it was one of Charlie's favorite meals. While Billy and Charlie were in the living room watching the game, Jake strolled into the kitchen and jumped onto the counter to converse with me just as I started to fry the filets in the pan.

"So Bells, how go things these days? School still as easy for ya as always?" he chuckled while picking at the frying fish and sticking a piece in his mouth.

I rolled my eyes at him, and sighed harshly, trying to cover up the nervousness I felt since my epiphany about my feelings towards him. "It's fine. All honors courses this year, so there's no rest or fun time left to be had for me. I have to do my best you know. College application deadlines are fast approaching and this Swan wants to spread her wings and see life outside the barriers of Forks. How's school on the res for J-dog?" I snickered at the nickname Quil and Embry had given him after the day he was chased by the Mayer Junkyard dog the day he tried taking the master cylinder for his rabbit after midnight.

"It's ok. Boring, uneventful and useless… the usual." He lightly jumped off the counter and ruffled my hair. , "Not all of us Einstein's here, with theories of relatives."

"It's Theory of Relativity, jerk." I quickly looked over to Jake as he started to rummage through the fridge and shot my tongue out at him.

"Better watch that tongue Missy, could get you into serious trouble with the wrong person" he quipped at me and then continued searching for something in the fridge "or maybe the right person." He mumbled so softly I almost missed it.

I forgot about flipping the fillets at that moment and stared blankly across the stove at the wall. I must have misheard him. Smoke suddenly started to sting my eyes snapping me out of my confusion.

"Shit!" Quickly I flipped the fish over, trying to salvage the burning meal all the while Jake laughed at the scene unfolding at the stove and came right up behind me placing a hand on my shoulder like he always did whenever I was acting weird.

"What dude are you Jonesing for Bells that made you fuck up dinner. He must be something if you can't even do something simple a cooking."

Oh if he only knew.

I took a deep breath and swallowed my embarrassment.

"Oh God, there is a dude!" He guffawed. "Lucky bastard is probably clueless about it too."

"Yeah, I don't think he realizes that I like him. Which just honestly sucks." My brain did not even try to stop my mouth.

"Does he live on the Res or does he go to school with you, cuz if you want I can beat that sucker into realization." He was having a hard time keeping a straight face when he said that.

"The Res." Stupid Bella. He'll figure it out now. You just can't keep your damn mouth shut.

He smirked when he heard my answer. "Really now? Interesting, do I know him?" The obvious wheels in his head were turning probably concluding it was one of his friends we would hang out with sometimes at La Push beach.

I knew I shouldn't have said anything and just ignore the questions, but I was so nervous my brain filter wasn't working when I realized I said "Yes" defeated.

Jake's eyes popped out surprised I actually answered his question, since we never truly spoke of being attracted to other people before. "Bella, who? And PLEASE do not say Quil, I mean he's cool and all, but he is so not for you with all the tail he tries to chase at the school on the res."

"I really don't want to say Jake. Now, can you set the table and tell the men folk that their somewhat edible dinner is almost ready. Thanks" I turned off the stove moving the pan to a cool burner and I went to get a ready-made salad ready and popped some rolls in the microwave to heat up. Of course the heat from my flushed face would work faster.

Jake took me by the arm lightly and leaned into my ear as he whispered, "I'll do that, but I swear I'll get you to tell me who before Billy and I take off."

GULP

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Jake." With the best attempt at a sarcastic smile I could muster trying to brush off the challenge he threw down.

When he turned to set up the table I let out a deep sigh of relief for the moment. God, tonight was going to be hell.

Five minutes later Billy and Charlie joined Jake and I at the kitchen table, while the Mariner's game played on in the background.

Both the older men were too caught up in the score to hold proper conversation with their children that night.

After saying no to the salad Charlie did his best to attempt dinner conversation, "So Billy, you hear my Bella's taking all honor courses this year… OH COME ON UMP! That was not safe! Throw his ass out…Dumb ass blind man…"

Billy was no better talking about both his daughter's hoping to visit for Thanksgiving when a foul ball on the screen distracted him.

"God damn it all! I thought we would do a hell of lot better this season. Shit for brains coaching staff I say!" Jake slightly choked on the burnt fish at his father's remark then took a swing of water.

I just stared at my food the entire meal, shuffling the blackened fish across the plate and only taking about three bites of my salad. I couldn't eat when I felt sick to my stomach thinking of what Jake would do to pry the one piece of information I did not want to share with him. I told myself that I would be strong and that there was no way he would get me to talk.

Unless he kissed me. I wanted to crush my mouth against his and inhale and possibly run my wet tongue against his.

CRAP. I shook my head. No, I couldn't think that way right now. I looked up from my plate and quickly glanced at Jake through my eyelashes, his face was staring intently on me as his eyes squinted trying to appraise me and I knew he was trying to go over the list of potentials in his head trying to match them to me.

Jake, don't even try, you would be so off. And if you did find out, I would be too embarrassed to be around you anymore.

As quickly as I looked at him, I shifted back to my plate and scooted closer to the table and pierced the fish with my fork pretending it was the most delicious looking food I had ever seen. I popped it into my mouth entirely too fast and began to choke. Both fathers were too immersed in the game Jake had to come to my rescue and thwacked me hard on the back to dislodge the blockage. Great, one more thing to be embarrassed about around him.

"Thanks." I told him softly as my cheeks flashed red. I stood up and started to clear the table since no one else was eating anymore.

"Here, let me take those." Jake started to take the plates out of my hands. "I'll wash, you dry and then you will tell me who your Mr. Dreamy is so I can beat him up for not noticing you and then beat him up again for taking my best friend's attention away from yours truly."

Was I born under a ladder? There was just a mess of back luck and embarrassment in my life that was adding up. "Fine." I huffed.

We made quick work of the dishes with the sound of low yelling from the living room behind us filling the awkward silence that we never had before.

"What's the deal Bella? Seriously, you have never held back info from me before. Did I do something to piss you off? Just freakin' tell me who it is, maybe I could help you guys, you know, get… together." He had a hard time saying the last word of his sentence as if he was swallowing boiling water.

"I just can't Jake. I would, but it's just too hard to tell you." My stomach was churning and it wasn't from the meal earlier.

"I just don't get it. I mean this guy must be some dickhead if you can't even tell me who it is. Oh shit, it's Paul, isn't it? Fuck, I knew it. That guy has a hot head like no other but can get all the girls at school. When Rachel…"

"It's not Paul." I said cutting him off.

Jake scratched his head and threw a damp towel over his shoulder as he stalked back to the fridge for another snack, "I give up, and I'm pissed you won't tell me. It's like you are ashamed I'll make a big deal. Shit, I wouldn't do anything to make you feel bad, even if you said it was me. I would try to make you…"

He wasn't able to finish the sentence when I accidentally sliced my finger with the knife I was drying as he was talking about me hypothetically liking him. A cry slipped out and he rushed over to me leaving the fridge wide open.

"Fuck Bells. Put the knife down." He forced my death grip off the knife and pushed my hand under cold running water. "What the hell, you need to pay attention you klutz."

The tears were welling up in my eyes and I knew I was going to slip and tell him everything. As soon as he turned the water off and wrapped my hand in a paper towel he was about to ask if I was ok when I ran out the front door of the house straight to my truck bed and decided to hide there until they left… only an hour left for the game to finish, it was freezing, but I could do it.

My breath hitched in my throat when I heard my front door open and close moments after I was settled in the bed.

Please don't find me. Don't let him find me here crying.

Sure enough, my unlucky streak continued and I knew he had made a b-line to my truck and he jumped in the bed of it, laying down next me.

"Bella. What the hell is up? Why are you crying? "

I told myself to not look at him when I spoke, but I lost that battle.

I slowly turned my head and saw his eyes, looking straight at me full of sadness but warmth.

"It's you." I breathed.

"Yeah, it's me, Jake, your best friend. Trying to see what the fuck is wrong." He was clueless to my admission to his question from earlier.

Turning my head back so I could face the sky I shut my eyes tightly and gave in.

"No, what I mean is… it's you Jake. You know…" I sighed because I couldn't finish the sentence.

One Mississippi… two Mississippi… three Mississippi…

"No Shit." He said in barely a shocked whisper.

I nodded slowly, and then realized I was hardly moving my head and said "Yes" in a small mouse voice.

"Hmmm. Ain't that something then?" His tone was smug.

I closed my eyes tighter and tried to slow my breathing wishing the blood would finally drain from my face when I felt his hand on top of my hand and slowly he wrapped his fingers around mine and pulled my arm close to his chest.

"That's interesting," he chuckled, as I felt him take a deep breath, "If I can convince that poor sucker, you think you might be interested in going out with him once he clears his social calendar?"

My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. He wasn't freaked out. "Um, yes" and then I giggled like a giddy school girl.

"Well, this has been quite an interesting night." He surmised as he brought my hand he was holding to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it. It wasn't my lips as I had wanted earlier in the evening, but it was good enough at the time.

It wasn't long after that our relationship had progressed further. We officially started to date and of course Charlie and Billy played it cool, but I knew they had wanted this to happen between us for years after just a few months of us dating. Their "soon-to-be in-law" faces would grace us every time we had dinner on game nights

Even though I hated to dance, Jake took me to my senior prom, which was beautiful, romantic and full of long passionate make-out sessions that left us gasping for air on more than one occasion throughout the night. I wanted to progress further and to get us a room for the night, but Jake wanted us to wait. He said he wanted us to take it slow and to save ourselves for when it was right and not some stereotypical scenario of a teenage time line. I agreed while I cursed him inside my head for denying me the feel of his bare chest pressed against my naked form and the feel of him inside of me that I dreamed about for many nights.

Soon after prom, time flew by and it was time for me to graduate from Forks High. It was quite a day and I was full of a lot of emotions. I was happy for being done with high school but I was also sad knowing that I would be off to college in three short months. It was also bittersweet knowing that this day was one day my mother would have been proud of me if she was still here, but I let that moment of grief wash through as quickly as possible. I couldn't cry today, especially with my father brimming with pride more than I had ever seen in my life.

I had been accepted to several college and universities across the country, but decided to go to school in Seattle so I could stay close to my father and of course close Jake as he completed his final year in high school. As his final year approached the end, He was deciding to go to a technical college for mechanics in Seattle. It was his opportunity to finally reach his dream of owning his own custom auto shop. Once he started tech school I was in my second year at Washington State trying to earn a duel major in Psychology and Neuroscience. I was an overachiever trying my best so that I could get a decent job and that would help support us when we both finished school.

Somehow I felt deep down that Jake and I would end up as Billy and Charlie had planned. Happily married and trying our best to make both those goofballs Grandfathers.

Time flew by in college faster than expected. I earned my Bachelor degrees and had been working in a counseling center for over a year when Jake was finally given the opportunity to be an associate manager at a popular auto garage in Seattle. It seemed as if this were working out as we were going further on with our adult lives.

Though, I wasn't fully happy yet. Jake and I still held true to our promise to save ourselves. It seemed like there was never a time that felt right. I had suggested that we move in together after he had graduated, but Jake said that he wouldn't want to do that yet. I was going mad with frustration from being oppressed of my wants and needs to ravish him. We hardly fought, except for when I couldn't take any more of not being satisfied with drawn on make-out sessions. I would scream at him that I wanted him, more than just emotionally, but physically. He would hush me and called me his pet or angel and tell me to wait. Just wait for him. He would then leave for his apartment and I would give up and retreat to my bathtub where I would lock the door behind me and satisfy myself wishing every night that tomorrow he would give in.

It had been two years since I graduated when Jake proposed to me on Christmas day, in front of our fathers no less. It was strange though, having pictured this scenario several times in my head, that I only answered him calmly with a yes. I wasn't throwing my arms around him like women do in the movies, or sobbing with happiness. I was calm, calmer than the day I admitted to him my attraction. It felt as if we were doing what was expected of us. There was no fear. It only took me until New Year's Eve to realize that it was not right, but in fact it was something that was not right for either of us.

Sure we loved each other, but there was no lust. No passion to push us closer together and join our souls. I loved Jake and knew I would always love him, but I could not marry him because there was not connection of true romantic love. When I told him the next day of my thoughts, I was surprised with his reaction. He did not yell at me like I had hoped, but calmly nodded his head and agreed with me, there was no true fire between us.

So here I was again, living back at my father's house and staring at the letters that made me more nervous than Jake had made me in the last two years of our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. I decided after returning my engagement ring to Jake that I would go back to school and earn my Master's degree. I realized I had been all about taking care of what Jake needed and wanted that I never allowed myself a chance to realize my dream of going out into the world. The Swan had clipped her wings for someone else.

I had done a lot of work during my time in college and had earned accolades and awards for academic excellence and had numerous letters of recommendation that shadow accomplishments of my entire graduating high school class combined. With my high GRE scores, I had acceptances to Master's programs all across the country, some practically throwing scholarships and grants at me to attend their programs.

I just needed to pick one. One decision that would change my life and my career forever.

Harvard… Yale… Stanford…. Brown…. All the ivy leagues had said yes, and had their own decent ways of trying to convince me. I shuffled through the stack for the tenth time that week and was nowhere close to making a decision yet. I decided to take a walk in hopes I could gain some perspective.

The flag on the mail box was down signaling my weekly letter to Jake had been picked up and was fast on its way to him. We decided that we would still keep in touch and still be friends, and although it was awkward for me to speak with him still on the phone, I could still write, and he would respond when he could to me. Since the mail carrier had gone by already today I decided to check the box to get the weekly ads for the grocer so I could plan meals for Charlie and myself for the week. The mailbox squeaked as I opened it from the years of weather damage.

There, lying on top of the folded grocery ad was a thick white envelope with the University of Chicago seal stamped on the left corner and my name printed boldly in the center. My breath hitched in my throat and my palms began to sweat as I slowly removed the envelope from the box and forgetting the grab the ads as I had planned. Rushing to the front of my father's home, I stopped and dropped myself on the steps ripping open the envelope so quickly, there was a paper cut left on my index finger but I didn't notice.

"Ms. Isabella Swan,

It is with great pleasure that the University of Chicago wishes to extend their congratulations for being chosen as this year's recipient of the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship…"

Well, after all these years, my luck in life finally decided to change since because my dream opportunity was literally placed in my hands and ready for the taking.