Title: Family - chapter 1 - Reflection
By: CSI-Sleuth
Rating: G
Summary: Grissom analyzing Grissom
Spoilers: post ep - Burden of Proof
Authors Note: The characters aren't mine, never will be. I just like to get inside their head.
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A family. That's what they'd become. He didn't quite know how or when, but she was right. They were a family. Not like any family he'd ever known, but then his experience with family was pretty limited. It had been just him and his Mom for as long as he could remember. He was the only child of only children so there was no extended family to gather 'round at Christmas. No family reunions every five years. Just him and his Mom. He never really knew his dad. He wasn't really sure how a family was supposed to function. Maybe that was his problem.
Catherine always told him he wasn't good with people. In reality, he wasn't good with people who weren't either the victims or suspect in a case. At least he thought so. He could sit at the table of a mother who'd lost her daughter, empathize with her and vow to find who killed her loved one or sit and stare amused at a suspect who tried to tell his side (his lie) of the story. The suspects never knew how he knew just what to ask and when. They never realized how much the victims talked to him. It only seemed to be the people in authority over him or under him that he couldn't quite talk to, couldn't quite figure out. And that was his problem.
He'd always been one to take charge of a situation. In the absence of a leader people naturally gravitated towards him. He wasn't really sure why. He liked order and seemed to know what the next step, hell, what the next ten steps were, long before anyone else did. He'd start giving directions and people actually listened. He found himself instructing them as to what they should do next. Teaching them what he knew. Delegating responsibility. Hmm, directions, teaching, delegating. Maybe that's what was missing?
When he was put in charge of the night shift the leadership was official. But now it was different. There were meetings and paperwork and politics. Oh how he hated the politics. Couldn't he just do his job, solve the crime and move on to the next puzzle? He was fascinated with solving puzzles. They challenged his mind. Forced him to think outside the box. He loved setting up experiments to prove how and when someone had committed a crime. He always used to include those on his team. Teaching them what he knew, instructing them on what to do next and giving them the responsibility to follow through. And they started to look to him as their mentor, their father figure.
He didn't even realize it was happening. It just did. Since Catherine was a single mom he guessed the others looked to her as the mom in the family. He always considered her to be the bratty little sister. Someone who knew just enough about him and his weaknesses to push all the right buttons. But also someone he could count on no matter what. As for the kids, at least that's how he thought of them, geez, they were all still in diapers when he started to work for the county. They always seemed to be looking for his approval or trying to outdo the other just to impress him. By the time he was their age he was already in charge of a team. Why couldn't they just figure it out and do it themselves. Or rather do it for themselves. Life wasn't about, shouldn't be about, trying to please others. It was about working and living up to your own set of ideals, values and standards. And at the end of the day being satisfied that you did all you were capable of and looking to yourself for approval not someone else.
Except that wasn't always true. He was as guilty as the next of holding others up to his standards. He'd always been an overachiever and expected everyone else to live up to his expectations. He'd been given a gift few had and even fewer understood. And that was definitely a problem.
But that scene with Sara. Man he must have been deaf, dumb and blind. That just came out of left field. What was she thinking, requesting a leave of absence? Didn't she know the lab needed her, her family needed her, hell, I need her. Whoa, wait a minute, did I just think that? Is that what this is all about? No, can't be. Sure I need her, but not that way. I value her work, her contribution. Would I have asked her to transfer from San Fran if I didn't? She's tenacious, wants to see justice done. If anything, her work is too much of her life. It's all she ever does. At least that I know about. I suppose that is a problem. If we're this family, and I'm the father figure, I suppose I should care more about their lives, their development as CSI's, their likes and dislikes. Hey, don't even start on that vegetarian thing.
When Sara first arrived he'd taken the time to show her and teach her. He didn't take the time anymore, not with any of them. He wasn't sure why things had changed. It happened slowly. Now he kept more to himself. Didn't let others share in his experiments, his fun. Even Ecklie and the Sheriff didn't seem to bother him anymore. Maybe that Millander case got to him more than he'd realized. Life wasn't as predictable and orderly as he would like and the fear and terror inflicted on others that he was so good at analyzing, he wasn't so good at handling when it hit close to home.
Home. Family. That's what his life at the lab was. But, he realized he wasn't fulfilling his responsibility. He'd become isolated, selfish even. That was going to have to change. But how? The Grand Tetons probably wasn't the answer. But he'd have to do something to keep this family, his family, together and happy. This wasn't something he was going to solve in one night (unlike most of the puzzles presented to him). This was a little more complicated. This was - personal. Well, that would be a start. Ask how their day off was, find out if they'd been to any movies lately, stop and say 'hi' and even 'good job' from time to time. Maybe even smile. Yes, that would be a start. It would be good to smile again.
By: CSI-Sleuth
Rating: G
Summary: Grissom analyzing Grissom
Spoilers: post ep - Burden of Proof
Authors Note: The characters aren't mine, never will be. I just like to get inside their head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A family. That's what they'd become. He didn't quite know how or when, but she was right. They were a family. Not like any family he'd ever known, but then his experience with family was pretty limited. It had been just him and his Mom for as long as he could remember. He was the only child of only children so there was no extended family to gather 'round at Christmas. No family reunions every five years. Just him and his Mom. He never really knew his dad. He wasn't really sure how a family was supposed to function. Maybe that was his problem.
Catherine always told him he wasn't good with people. In reality, he wasn't good with people who weren't either the victims or suspect in a case. At least he thought so. He could sit at the table of a mother who'd lost her daughter, empathize with her and vow to find who killed her loved one or sit and stare amused at a suspect who tried to tell his side (his lie) of the story. The suspects never knew how he knew just what to ask and when. They never realized how much the victims talked to him. It only seemed to be the people in authority over him or under him that he couldn't quite talk to, couldn't quite figure out. And that was his problem.
He'd always been one to take charge of a situation. In the absence of a leader people naturally gravitated towards him. He wasn't really sure why. He liked order and seemed to know what the next step, hell, what the next ten steps were, long before anyone else did. He'd start giving directions and people actually listened. He found himself instructing them as to what they should do next. Teaching them what he knew. Delegating responsibility. Hmm, directions, teaching, delegating. Maybe that's what was missing?
When he was put in charge of the night shift the leadership was official. But now it was different. There were meetings and paperwork and politics. Oh how he hated the politics. Couldn't he just do his job, solve the crime and move on to the next puzzle? He was fascinated with solving puzzles. They challenged his mind. Forced him to think outside the box. He loved setting up experiments to prove how and when someone had committed a crime. He always used to include those on his team. Teaching them what he knew, instructing them on what to do next and giving them the responsibility to follow through. And they started to look to him as their mentor, their father figure.
He didn't even realize it was happening. It just did. Since Catherine was a single mom he guessed the others looked to her as the mom in the family. He always considered her to be the bratty little sister. Someone who knew just enough about him and his weaknesses to push all the right buttons. But also someone he could count on no matter what. As for the kids, at least that's how he thought of them, geez, they were all still in diapers when he started to work for the county. They always seemed to be looking for his approval or trying to outdo the other just to impress him. By the time he was their age he was already in charge of a team. Why couldn't they just figure it out and do it themselves. Or rather do it for themselves. Life wasn't about, shouldn't be about, trying to please others. It was about working and living up to your own set of ideals, values and standards. And at the end of the day being satisfied that you did all you were capable of and looking to yourself for approval not someone else.
Except that wasn't always true. He was as guilty as the next of holding others up to his standards. He'd always been an overachiever and expected everyone else to live up to his expectations. He'd been given a gift few had and even fewer understood. And that was definitely a problem.
But that scene with Sara. Man he must have been deaf, dumb and blind. That just came out of left field. What was she thinking, requesting a leave of absence? Didn't she know the lab needed her, her family needed her, hell, I need her. Whoa, wait a minute, did I just think that? Is that what this is all about? No, can't be. Sure I need her, but not that way. I value her work, her contribution. Would I have asked her to transfer from San Fran if I didn't? She's tenacious, wants to see justice done. If anything, her work is too much of her life. It's all she ever does. At least that I know about. I suppose that is a problem. If we're this family, and I'm the father figure, I suppose I should care more about their lives, their development as CSI's, their likes and dislikes. Hey, don't even start on that vegetarian thing.
When Sara first arrived he'd taken the time to show her and teach her. He didn't take the time anymore, not with any of them. He wasn't sure why things had changed. It happened slowly. Now he kept more to himself. Didn't let others share in his experiments, his fun. Even Ecklie and the Sheriff didn't seem to bother him anymore. Maybe that Millander case got to him more than he'd realized. Life wasn't as predictable and orderly as he would like and the fear and terror inflicted on others that he was so good at analyzing, he wasn't so good at handling when it hit close to home.
Home. Family. That's what his life at the lab was. But, he realized he wasn't fulfilling his responsibility. He'd become isolated, selfish even. That was going to have to change. But how? The Grand Tetons probably wasn't the answer. But he'd have to do something to keep this family, his family, together and happy. This wasn't something he was going to solve in one night (unlike most of the puzzles presented to him). This was a little more complicated. This was - personal. Well, that would be a start. Ask how their day off was, find out if they'd been to any movies lately, stop and say 'hi' and even 'good job' from time to time. Maybe even smile. Yes, that would be a start. It would be good to smile again.