The Magical Chinese Restaurant

XxX

Once upon a time, the Seigaku tennis team regulars decided to take a nice little outing to the new Chinese restaurant in town to celebrate that Kawamura was going into the hospital.

"Guys, I can't help but feel that this is kind of wrong." Oishi said in earnest, as they all took their seats. "I mean, he is our friend. Shouldn't we be supporting him instead of celebrating his absence?"

"Oishi, stop being so nice, nya!" Eiji cried, flinging his arms around his doubles partner. "Kawamura just set his record for screen time in that really intense Hadokyuu match! And he still didn't manage to win! Do you know how much we all hate stalemates?"

"Yes, we all hate stalemates." Everyone chorused.

"Yeah, but...geez," said Oishi, rubbing his neck, "it just somehow feels wrong to be celebrating that he's in the hospital when he injured himself so severely trying to make us win—"

"Oishi, quit whining or we'll have dinner without you, too." Tezuka ordered without even looking at Oishi.

Since everyone seemed in favor of celebrating Kawamura's misfortune, Oishi sadly went along with it and took his seat at the table. Echizen's feet didn't even reach the floor when he got into his chair. He tried to compensate for this by coolly asking, "So why's this place called Magical Chinese Restaurant anyway? It doesn't seem too damn magical to me", but every one could tell that he was just trying to feel tall by putting someone else down, so they ignored him. You may not guess, but the Seigaku team members are perceptive as hell.

"Okay, now let's make this a good clean celebration," said Tezuka, raising his glass, "everyone enjoy yourself or I'll kill you."

"Hear, hear!" Fuji smiled complacently. "I think this night is going to get pretty wild."

"So…" Tezuka raised his glass of water, though he had removed the ice from it so it would look like vodka. "Good game, everyone! I think it was the best of all so far. We fought well and with any luck Kawamura won't be back for the rest of the season!"

They all drank to that.

"And as a treat, I will be paying for all of us!" Tezuka announced.

Kaidoh spat out his water.

"Now I see why it's called Magical Chinese Restaurant." Said Eiji. "Tezuka not being stingy? That's magic!"

"Don't push your luck." Tezuka warned.

"Geez guys, I don't know…I just feel like such a jerk." Muttered Oishi.

Everyone ignored his conscience attack as the waitress came to take their order.

"Yeah, I'd like—" Momoshiro began, but Tezuka cut him off.

"I'll be doing the ordering here." He said sharply.

"Good data." Said Inui.

Tezuka regarded the menu for a few moments, flipping through it and checking out the various rice, meat, fish, and noodle dishes. Finally he looked up.

"We'll have an order of eight fortune cookies, please." He said, dead serious.

"What?" said everyone and the waitress.

"Eight fortune cookies. And some of those orange slices." Repeated Tezuka, handing her the menu. "Make it snappy."

"Tezuka, what the hell!?" complained Momoshiro. "You said you would pay!"

"And you really thought I would spend that much money on you guys?" he asked. He turned back to the waitress. "You can bring the check also."

"Um....we don't sell fortune cookies." She said.

"What do you mean, you don't sell fortune cookies?" Asked Tezuka. "This is a Chinese restaurant."

"Yes, I'm aware." She said. "But fortune cookies come for free when you order something. We don't really......sell them individually."

"Fine, then bring me a coke!" shouted Tezuka. "And then the check with oranges and fortune cookies!"

She disappeared.

Tezuka leaned back in his seat, rubbing his temples.

"Aw man, so all we get for dinner is fortune cookies and a slice of orange?" Eiji pouted. "I knew Tezuka becoming generous was too good to be true."

"So much for Magical Chinese Restaurant." Said Fuji lightly.

Eiji frowned. "Ne, Fuji, were you wearing that sombrero when we came in?"

Fuji frowned and glanced up at the giant red straw hat that was suddenly on his head. "You know, I don't really know."

XxXxXxX

The waitress was back with the cookies, oranges, and Tezuka's coke in less than two minutes. Everyone took one of the cookies and a slice of orange and Tezuka took a sip of his coke. Everyone shot wistful glances at the it.

They all sort of sat around in silence, looking at their pitiful dinners.

"...so what should we do now?" asked Echizen finally.

"Oh, quit being so pathetic, you guys" said Tezuka. "Eat the cookies and read your fortunes!"

There was a pause, and then Kaidoh doubtfully reached for his dinner, unwrapped it and cracked open the wanton shaped cookie. He pulled out the small slip of paper within and smoothed it out on the table to read it.

You will be totally awesome and happy and successful in your life..........

Kaidoh raised his eyebrows a little, but you could tell he was pleased.

"Wait, there's an ellipse, nya!" cried Eiji. "Turn it over!"

Kaidoh grudgingly did so.

.....NOT! Lol.

Everyone laughed as Kaidoh began to blush profusely and hiss. He crumpled up the fortune and shoved it into his pocket.

Everyone felt better now that they had laughed at someone else's expense. It lightened the mood considerably.

"Man, I love these," said Momoshiro, wiping his eyes. "They almost make you want to be Chinese."

"You know, there's no way real Chinese people eat these." Said Echizen, sniffing importantly.

"Oh, shut up Echizen, you're just jealous." Said Momoshiro, now tearing open his own fortune cookie with his teeth. "I want to see mine!"

The person next to you is a bag of douche.

Momoshiro looked around him. Kaidoh sat to his left. Echizen sat to his right.

"Wait, which side!?" roared Momoshiro. "They didn't say which—"

"Oh, Momoshiro they're not serious." Said Oishi in a mother-hen-like way. "These fortunes are completely random. It's not like they write them specifically for us or anything."

"But I've got to know which side!" Momoshiro howled. "And they are TOO written specificall for us!"

Oishi gave him a pacifier to shut him up and then he opened his own fortune:

You are the vice captain of a tennis team at a middle school. You tend to be very kind and motherly to the rest of your team. You have black hair and green eyes and pretty much the worst haircut in the history of anime and manga. I don't really get your role in the plot. You're not exactly useless, but on the other hand you've never done anything that had a long term effect on the plot. If I were you.......

Oishi's fortune went on for pages. No one knew how it had been folded into such a small size.

.......and so in conclusion, between Nintendo and X-box, I would definitely recommend Nintendo because they have the most epic games, such as The Legend of Zelda and Super Mario 64.

"Wow. Okay, how was that not written for you?" asked Momoshiro thickly, through his pacifier.

"Damn. Fair point." Oishi admitted.

"Good data." Said Inui.

Everyone was a bit afraid to open their fortunes after that.

Eiji bravely reached for his own and slit it open. "Whew, it's only one line!" he exclaimed.

You can take off the bandage, they won't be grossed out.

Everyone stared at Eiji and at the fortune. Finally, Kaidoh voiced what they were all thinking.

"Wait a minute…." Kaidoh began.

"Guys, I can explain!" cried Eiji, but Kaidoh interrupted him again.

"There's a grammatical error in this fortune!" Kaidoh finished.

Everyone nodded fervently.

"There.....is?" Eiji looked back down at it.

"Yes." Said Fuji. "Don't worry about it. It's just a simple comma splice. That comma between "bandage" and "they" should be a semi colon in order to separate the two independent clauses."

"Oh, of—of course!" said Eiji hurridly. "That's what I was going to explain!"

"Good data." Said Inui.

No one seemed to care what the fortune had actually said, so they moved on.

"Echizen, open yours." Ordered Tezuka, by way of transition.

Echizen was nervous to obey. He didn't really want to be insulted by a cookie in front of everyone, but refusing to open it would look like a cop-out. He opened it with a certain level of trepidation.

You should smoke weed. It might make you HIGH.

The dinner table was a riot.

"OWNED!" screamed Oishi. Then he realized how out of character that had been. He cleared his throat and composed himself. "I'm terribly sorry." He said with dignity. "That short person joke is unfunny and immature."

"Indeed it is." Said Fuji, smiling brilliantly, though you could tell he was laughing on the inside.

"Funny, is it!?" snapped Echizen. "Let's see yours then!" Echizen lunged across the table and snatched the fortune away from the tensai, opening it himself.

Pale green paint complements almost any room.

There was silence.

"What the hell?" said Momoshiro finally. "That's not even a fortune!"

"Maybe it's one of those feng shui things," suggested Fuji lightly.

"Good data." Inui said.

"Inui, shut the hell up." Said Tezuka flatly. "That's like the fifth time you've said that this evening, and we all know it's not good data at all."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Said Inui. "I don't even use most of it."

"Then why do you take it?" asked Eiji.

"If I didn't take notes, what would I do?"

There was silence as everyone tried to imagine Inui without his notebook. Then they all burst out laughing.

"Okay fine, so I won't say "good data" anymore." conceded Inui.

"So what's yours, Data man?" chucked Oishi, who had somehow broken his own rule not to laugh at other people.

Inui shrugged, peeling his own fortune open. He raised his eyebrows.

Your captain was never sick. In Germany he chilled and ate out everyday and hooked up with German babes. Also, the truth is that the Kennedy assassination was the work of a conspiracy led by American vice president Lyndon B. Johnson.

"Wow." Said Inui, taking out his pen. "This really is good—"

"NO, Inui!" Kaidoh said.

"But it really is—"

"Quiet!" everyone ordered.

No one would believe Inui that the data in the fortune actually was interesting and useful. They made him throw his fortune away.

"That just leaves you, Tezuka." Said Oishi.

They all stared as he intensely reached for the cookie in slow motion. He unwrapped it.

There was dead silence, as everyone tried to read Tezuka's expression through his glasses as he regarded his cookie. Tezuka grunted and dismissively dropped it on the floor.

"Well, what was it!?" cried Eiji impatiently.

"Nothing." He lifted his hand in a vague gesture. "Same as Momoshiro's."

"Awwwww." They all chorused.

"Lame." Said Kaidoh.

"Don't you hate when that happens?" Said Oishi.

"I hate when they make it obvious that these fortunes are generic." Echizen added.

"Yeah, let's get out of this restaurant." Concluded Tezuka. "It's lame. Not magical at all."

They crunched up their fortune cookies and ate their orange slices and then Tezuka mounted the horse that was next to the table, and even though technically they hadn't paid, they all left the restaurant.

XxX

Yay for random stories! To be continued?