Cora tried to sit, she tried to speak but she couldn't. She was half conscious of what was happening around her. Her head was burning, she could feel sweat dampening her pillow, she knew this was the end. She murmured something to her maid.
"Milady? Do you need something?" her maid asked.
Cora murmured again but failed. She wept inside, she screamed. She wanted him. She needed him and he wasn't there. He wasn't hers anymore. She didn't have any reason to live any longer, the person who has her heart, the person who's in control of everything she's ever owned, from her money to her heart, wasn't hers anymore. She wanted to stop fighting and give up right there. But no,she needed to do something, she needed to say something.
Once again with all her power she moved her lips forming the name enscripted on her heart.
"Ro..Robert..O'Brien please..Robert.." . She hoped to God, she was clear this time.
She could see O'Brien nod from her half opened eyes. "Right away, Milady" , her maid said and left.
She dozed off again but the sound of the door reopening caused her to open her eyes again, though she could only manage to open half.
There he was. The most perfect man she knew. So handsome, so beautiful. His ocean blue eyes, his perfect grin, his soft lips. Almost three decades but he still made her heart flutter. He walked towards her bed and took her hand. She could see it, the secret he hid, so visible in his eyes, so big, so clear. She wished she could scream at him but she couldn't, not just because she was barely conscious but because she felt guilty. She felt disappointed in herself, so she needed to say it before she leaves.
"Robert..come closer..", her voice barely a whisper.
Robert came closer and picked her weak shoulders into his arms. Her face was so near that he could hear her breathing.
"I don't think I'll make it", she said to him as tears started rolling down her cheeks.
He could see his wife, the most wonderful women in the world, too tired now. She was still so beautiful to him, her sparkling eyes, her porcelain skin, her plump lips. Oh how he missed her, missed being near to her, to hold her. The lack of nearness made him do such horrible things that he avoided her, even when she was terribly sick. He couldn't face her. He'd tell her everything when she'll recover, he promised himself. Cora's words attacked like knife on his heart. She'll make it. She HAVE to.
"Oh Cora, no don't say this. You'll be fine, you'll be healthy again, said-"
She cut him off with a whispery "shush". "Robert I..can't...I can't fight any longer"
He looked into her eyes and it hit him. He could loose her. He could actually loose her. He might loose her. Till then he was sugarcoating the reality, he let himself settle to the fact that she'll be fine. He didn't even consider that she might actually die. His heart ached. That terrible pain shooted through his body. He CAN'T loose her!
"Listen to me" , she tried with all her power to speak. Her sentences coming out in whispery phrases. It hurt him so badly to see her like that.
"Yes, my darling", her stroked her cheek, one of his favourite habits.
She faintly smiled into his light touch and Robert could feel the mixture of tears and sweat on his fingers. Oh his precious Cora.
"It's better this way..." , she said still sadly smiling. Robert looked her with confusion and fear in his eyes. He couldn't understand.
"You love her, don't you..I heard you, you want her.." . She wasn't angry, it was more of a rhetoric question.
It hit him. She KNEW. Oh he felt so terrible, so ashamed. He wanted to tell her that it was a mistake, it was just lust. He just needed her because he was so bloddy selfish of his needs. He didn't love her, of course he didn't. He loved Cora. Only Cora.
"Cora, I'm so sorry, darling I never-" he started but was stopped as she put her index finger on his lips. He could feel her shivering in his embrace. He wanted to hold her forever and tell her he loves him.
Cora fought the dizziness and opened her eyes as much as she possibly could in her condition.
"No, Robert..just listen...you love her,you want her, it's better this way. You can have her when I die,I'm not angry at you. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you happy. I'm so sorry you were unhappy all these years. I'm sorry, Robert. She makes you happy and I don't want anything else in the world other than to see you happy. I give you my permission and all the luck...isn't this better? I'll go and she can come, it'll be easier for you "
Robert didn't realise he didn't blink all this time. He shut his eyes as his flooding gates wet all his cheeks. He couldn't believe it. How can she possibly think that she's made him unhappy? No, he doesn't love Jane. He was mistaken. He only ever wanted Cora. He couldn't even imagine how much pain he had caused Cora. The women who had given him everything without any doubt or question,who's made him so very happy, who listened to his mother's taunts all the time, who supported him with his every decision. Who was not just his wife but his best friend as well. He can't think of losing her. He wanted to punch himself for making Cora feel this way.
He opened his eyes, "Oh Cora, oh no! My darling please don't say this. I never- I just- Oh love, please just be alright again, I'll make it upto you in every way I can. Please don't leave me, I can't live without you. I need you , my darling, please don't give up"
He wasn't ashamed of his tears coming out in streams from his eyes, his voice trembled.
"Robert, oh! Shush! It's okay,it'll be fine. You'll be fine, just hold me okay?"
And he did what she asked. He held her close. Her face resting on his throat. He kissed her head, her forehead, her palm several times. He rubbed his arms around her back, trying to somehow make her alright again. He almost thought Cora slept in his arms until after unknown minutes she spoke again.
"I'm so...cold", she said from under his chin. She felt so warm in his arms, he couldn't understand. His fears were creeping through but he refused to believe them. She'll be alright again. She has to.
He took her face in his hands and she looked him again with her magical eyes.
They looked at each other for several minutes when the reality hit him like a tornado. He could loose her. He was losing her. He couldn't bare the pain , it was too much. Cora can't leave him. He needs her as much as he needs water. She was dying, she will leave him, thinking that she failed in her marriage.
He started sobbing loudly and hugged her so tightly. "Cora don't leave me, darling I love you, please don't leave me. You're the most perfect women in the world. You're my beautiful princess, please stay. Stay with me, my angel" He all but begged her.
She felt so broken, she wanted to live, she wanted to fight her damn flu and stay in his arms forever. But she couldn't, she could feel it.
She looked back into his eyes. Her body badly shivering. Her skin so pale, her lips so damp but her eyes still as bright as ever. She lifted up her hand and placed it on his cheek and gently rubbed it.
"You're so beautiful, Robert. Stay happy please,marry her,okay? I'll be watching over you. Take care of yourself and the girls. Please don't forget me, I love you.."
With that the light from her eyes escaped. Leaving Robert to stare at her frozen self. And there he heard, the loud, screeching voice of his heart, crashing.