Title: FOUND YOU
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS SONG- Roberta Flack
I had always been alone, since I was a child. Being an orphan myself, I coped with the loneliness. Have I not, there was no telling what I would become. Loneliness, though they were dark and a burden, wasn't much an effect on me. My friends were always there to support me. I appreciated their effort of keeping me company. Yet, they were not with me everyday and at the moment like that; I had to be ready to deal the real life.
I locked my memories that I thought would make me weak. I swore on my life that I would never look at them. History had been done. To me, there was nothing else that I could've done to make my life all the better.
'I'll live', that was what I told myself every morning when I woke up from my sleep. The room was all mine. The scent, the pile of clothes building on the floor, the blanket, the drool on the mattress on the pillow; they were all mine. I would walk out from my den with one thought; I was going to face the day with courage. Courage that may mean nothing to many, but took a lot of effort to put them together for me. When problems occurred, I'll fake a smile. Among all the friends I had, only Sakura knew. Whenever she saw it, she would drag me out and let me breathe the fresh air. She knew my facade very well and she would let me have her for the night.
It felt good to know you weren't alone sometimes. Even when the heart wasn't shared, the touches, the skin was enough to make me feel hale and hearty. That was what we do whenever I was in need. She complied and I guess it was because she was in the same situation as me. That was why we wouldn't mind to have the night session of motivation, as I would like to call them.
Every time we did have sex together, I would always put on the Nickelback song, sex. It would play for hours, repeating again and again to keep me going. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew what I'm doing was wrong. I was using her to keep myself in check. It sounded like I wasn't able to control myself. When that thought occur, I would feel guilty.
When I felt guilty, I would be rougher. I couldn't help but to hurt her because the thought of her was hurting me. Still, we kept it going. No one was saying anything because sex was never a denial. Sex was a way of keeping yourself accompanied.
It didn't need heart, passion or love. It needed the animal, furious and anger.
I believed that thoroughly. I believed that because I knew through experience that love didn't exist. Or I thought it didn't.
"Naruto, are you there?" she poked me in the arm lazily. We were lying next to each other, catching the strength back. I tilted my head to see her sleepy face and she smiled at me. The friendly atmosphere was still hanging around us, even when we always ended up rooming for the night in the sweat smelled room.
"You want to talk?" I asked her. She looked like she had something to say. Being a good friend of her, I felt that it was my duty to listen to her trouble. Sakura wouldn't babble her problem to me, but if she kept it bottling up, it would burst. I couldn't allow that, so I listen. Looking at me with half lidded eyes, she nodded hesitantly. Then, she sat up and crossed her arm while keeping her eyes closed. When she opened her eyes, she suddenly leaned forward to stare at me, her nose scrunched.
"What are you doing?" I asked her shyly.
"Shh... I'm trying to find it!" She held both of my cheeks so that we would stay connected. I didn't bother asking. If she needed to stare at me for the whole night, I would let her, even if that would mean I would have an exhausting morning the next day. We stayed quiet like that for a while. When she finally pulled away, she just shook her head.
"What?"
"I can't see it in you", she said, sighing heavily.
"What's it?"
"Well, it's this feeling that I can't really describe, but I tell you that if you see it, you just know that you have been found", she said, looking up at the ceiling while clenching the end of the blanket. I could tell she was now wide awake.
"I don't know what you mean. If you elaborate it further, I might get your drift."
"I don't know, Naruto. The only way to explain it is you just feel like you have meet a person that could give you all the warmth that you need in the middle of the winter. It felt like you had been discovered. And when you have been found, it feels like you have a place where you belong to. You are free to do anything you like. Touches won't be empty anymore and every word you said was like the spark to your existence". She had distanced away along with her rambling. In her eyes, there lay uncertainty and passion. It hazed the hazel eyes that had always been cheerful or livid.
She was confused and even when she wanted to hide it, it showed through her eyes.
"Sakura-chan, since when you are a poet?" I tried to take her words so lightly, and yet, it seemed she would not allow it. Not today.
"Naruto", she turned to me. Our stare didn't break and for the first time, I felt I was isolated. I felt that this was going to be the last time she would be by my side. Her support would be gone, her eyes told me that. From then on, I would be again the lost kitten I once was.
"I found it", she said softly, "but not in you. I found it, Naruto. I found it just by a simple brush of our shoulders, but it stunted me. When his black eyes bore into my eyes, it gave me this weird warmth that I don't want to lose. I had to be selfish, Naruto. Even if you are my friend, there are some things that we had to stop when we discover the boundary. You, me and him, we are related in different ways. You are my friend and I hated to disappoint you. But he- he is different, Naruto. He filled the gap in me. His voice keeps playing in my ears and when we were having the intercourse, I saw him in your place, Naruto".
"Sakura-chan..."
"For our sake, let this be the last. I- I can't continue it", she stifled her sob. I pulled her in and she cried, tearing up on my shoulders.
"I-I don't – I don't want to hurt you. I- I was afraid that- that you might think of me so li-little".
"Don't worry, I won't". I rubbed a comforting circle on her back, "everything will be alright".
"What am- I t-to do, Naruto? I – I don't even k- know what the feeling is", she hugged me closer. She was afraid. She was afraid for the feeling she had. When she was standing so high in the crowd, she was suddenly pushed out of balance just by a simple nudge. Now she was falling. Very, very hard.
"You have fallen in love", I mumbled to her. I didn't know why I said it or how I even got the idea but the word just came out and it was not only for her comfort but also a reminder to me that I was alone. It made me feel like I was the only one who had been left behind, hidden in a group of people who had found their own happiness.
"Naruto, promise me", she pulled back and began to ruffle my blond strands; "You won't give up. You have to be happy. I want you to be happy".
"I will, Sakura. Don't worry", I held her hand, patting the soft skin gently. She pecked my forehead. Then, she collected her clothes on the floor and put them back on. She smiled to me as she headed her way to the door.
"Go get him, girl", I waved at her, smiling back to reassure her. She laughed lightly at my enthusiasm. When she was gone, I landed on my bed, closing my eyes to sleep. The mattress was now holding just my weight instead of a pair.
That night, I didn't realise that I was crying in my sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The morning was duller. My body was still aching and I felt like I wanted to stay at home instead of going to work. It was one of the days that you wished you could have slept longer. 'Duty call', I reminded myself. I was not in the place to deny my job since I needed all the money I could get.
As soon as I stepped out of the doorway, my feet sunk into the white cotton snow. The doormat had long gone underneath the white coat. The front porch needed to be dug soon before the snow would level off to my knee. I groaned. What a tired man would need last was another job after work. Living alone had disadvantages too and at the time like this, I would wish that there was at least another person that I could give the job to.
I wasn't fond of cars due to an accident so I took a stroll instead to work. It was a long way from work but I managed. I checked for my keys that I kept securely in my pocket. I liked to double check my stuff since there was recent breaking into house activities going around the neighbourhood. The cold air was getting through my jacket, so I pulled them closer to keep myself warm.
A few vehicles passed me, speeding in the morning to avoid getting trapped in the traffic. Some even honked at the pedestrian to keep out from their road. They didn't care if the pile of snow spattered on the people who choose to walk. That was the reason I avoided any type of fresh snow pile that would soon be gone when the afternoon materialize.
I was entering the fifth street when I heard something that almost made me stumble. It was a song sung by a man, accompanied by the guitar. The voice was strong but passive, as if anything that were sung meant so little to the individual, but the song, it hit me like a brick.
It released a part of me that I had locked inside; the regret I had in my life. The part that I had kept away to be strong in order to move forward.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dancing pairs, painted wings, things I almost remember, and the song someone sing, once upon a December, Someone holds me safe and warm, horses prance through a silver storm, figures dancing gracefully, across my memory".
"Naruto, do you like the show?" I looked up at my father who was holding my hand. His hands were warm and I liked it when father hold my hand. My father looked so pale today. I told him that he should rest, but he said that he would rest tomorrow when we had gone to the circus. Father was always coughing nowadays. I do not know why. When I asked, he would always say that he is sick but he felt a lot better when I am around.
"I like it, father", I said, nodding with a big smile. Father said I smiled like my mother and if she is still around, she would be proud of me. I hugged the fox plush he had bought me the other day. I couldn't remember what day was it but it had been snowing. Snow always meant Christmas. I think Santa would finally give me a present. I have been a very good boy throughout the year. Maybe Santa had forgotten about me last year, and the year before and the year before the year before last year.
"I like the dancing people on the horses the best ", I told him, bouncing on my heel. He patted my head, chuckling lightly. Then, he covered his mouth using the back of his hand.
"Father?" I am worried. Father always wanted to hide his cough so that I couldn't hear them. I won't be upset if father cough. I always told him that. My friends would not like it but I don't mind. Honest.
"It's okay, Naruto. Don't worry", he said. I saw the cotton candy vendor and the children queuing in front of it. I think father know that I want the candy because he asked me to wait there and he would queue to get the candy for me.
I wanted to tell father that he should use the money to see Mr. Hatake. He could cure father so he would get better, but father said I was more important than him. He said that because I am a strong boy, he would give me everything that I want.
But I want father to be healthy. Maybe I didn't say it loud enough for him to hear. I should tell him when he comes back.
I wondered what had happened when I saw people circling the front of the vendor. The candy maker had also stopped making candy. All the boys and girls had been brought away from the vendor. Two of the girls were crying. I hoped that father would come back soon because I felt so lonely. I hugged my plush, waiting and waiting for father to come back, but he never appears.
He wasn't going to leave me alone here, would he?
When a stranger approached me, I was scared and I cried for father. Still, he won't come to me.
The stranger bends low. He was wearing black uniform and a hat. I know he was a police. My teacher had shown me the picture a few times in class. My teacher said that policemen are good people, but he was a stranger and my father told me not to talk to stranger.
"Kid, don't cry", he said.
"I want my father!"
"Sorry, kid. I am afraid that your father can't come back to you".
"Why isn't he coming back?"
"...He... your father, he had gone to a very, very far place. He wanted me to say goodbye to you".
I snapped out of the memory. How- how in the world was the memory coming back to me? It was twenty years ago! The pain was supposed to be hidden in the dark and I wasn't supposed to look back, but why was the voice making it surfaced back?
I know if I left, everything would be back to its normal way, but no one had been able to let my memories restored. Every piece of me, I had locked them away, but someone had found the key and I had to get it back.
As I moved closer, the singing was getting louder. It seemed that the song had been changed to another one.
"Listen up, cause it ain't nothing funny, I want a hot girl, and a little bit of money, I want a little house where my bag can live cause I'm tired of moving every other weekend, I want to go to a party where they got no guns, I want to rock with my bands, I want to have a little fun".
The teacher paced from left to right as he read the note he was holding. Kiba was sitting next to me. He was doodling the plan to prank the said teacher who had the nerve to put me in detention. Didn't he know that Naruto Uzumaki was not the person to mess with?
"Naruto, the plan is ready", he said, slipping it inside my pocket. I nodded. Sweet. Now, I could get my revenge on the bastard.
When the bell rang, we all got out from the classroom. We waited until the teacher left the classroom. While waiting, a few girls tried to attract my attention by pulling their skirts up for me to see their panties. I whistled to get them giggling. They did, and they winked at me.
'Tonight', one of the girls mouthed silently. I winked back at her and watched her hips swaying from side to side.
When the teacher finally left, we sneaked into his classroom.
"I'm going to spray the wall and the fans. You spray the table. I'm going to teach him the lesson for ever putting me in that room", I said, smirking as I pressed the spray. It was pink, and I knew the teacher hated that colour since he kept complaining about it whenever Valentine's Day came around the corner.
"Yeah, let him know that you're Naruto, the demon king Kyuubi!" Kiba said as he painted the room with more pink. By the end of the break, even my eyes were blinded by the colour. I thought I have had enough pink in my life ever.
Both of us made a run when we heard someone was coming. We decided to skip school for the rest of the day. So, we escaped through the hole at the back gate of the school and headed for the cyber cafe in town.
Just when we were entering the cafe's street, we were suddenly surrounded by the enemy group; the Ichibi group. It seemed that they had come to settle the score we had had two months ago.
"I say, what brings you here, Sabaku?" I asked, cleaning my ear's wax as I spoke out.
"You know why I'm here, Uzumaki", the ever so grumpy red head leader grumbled.
"Kyuubi".
"What are you trying to say?"
"You'll call me Kyuubi. That's what everybody has to call me except for my friends. And you sure are not on the list".
"I do not wish to be on your good list".
"You never are", I said, wiping the wax on the street sign.
Then, all I remembered next was we all were kicking, punching enemy to enemy. His gang against Kiba and me; anyone could see who was on the winning side. I finally got a hold on the Sabaku when he cheated. He took out a gun and shot me in the stomach.
It was painful and I thought I would be dying, considering the amount of blood that was leaving was massive. Sabaku ran, leaving Kiba alone to handle me. Another pain; another one was enveloping me, and yet this time, it didn't constrict. It was draining out of me.
My feet were numb and my hands were cold. Was this the feeling of dying? Was this the end of me? I was so young, and had my life at the tip of my fingers.
Slowly, I drifted away...
And....
I was lucky that they hadn't been too late. After I recovered, I quit the gang. The experience of at the end of my wits was enough to keep me away from the street fight. Kiba took over the gang and died two years later in a street fight. After his death, I met with Sakura. At that time, I was still driving a car. It was only recently when I started to hate the vehicle.
"Paper bags and plastic cards, our belonging and shopping cards, it's goodbye for we got it one more night, Skid, drunk and couldn't ride around, and make pit to the empty town, we can make it right".
We were driving around the town, running away from the work trouble we had during the day. I drove fast, wanting to catch up with the wind. I wanted to be free, but that feeling was instant, but I enjoyed it. Sakura had seen me faking another smile in front of the bunch of people I could hardly call friend.
So, she took me out away from them.
"This is fun!" She cried at the top of her lung.
"Yeah!" I did too, or else it would be too quiet for us to hear each other. The music from the radio sucks so I changed them to my CD music instead. The stereo boomed to the maximum and we received a few yells from the people on the pavement.
"Yeah, we are concurring the road! Tonight is our night!" Sakura cheered, standing up while holding the car mirror.
We caught the attention of a patrol car that the police chased us around. When we lost the police, I stopped the car at the side road.
"Hey, Sakura-chan. Do you ever think of feeling lonely?"
"Always. Why do you ask?"
"Do you ever think that you might solve the problem from sexual intercourse?" I contemplated.
She laughed loudly, punching my arm slightly.
"Where do you get the idea?" she poked my forehead.
"I heard from so many people that they find true friends from sex", I said, thinking about what Shino had told me during the day.
"Oh? So, you want to give it a try?"
I nodded.
"Well.... Okay".
"Um", I hesitated, "aren't you afraid that you might lose your virginity tonight?"
"Silly. I had lost it when I was in high school".
"If it's alright, we'll go to my house, then".
And that was when we started to have intercourse with each other. Whenever we needed it, we would go away from the crowd, and just focused on our need. We thought what we were doing would fill the gap in our life, but the further we go, the lonelier we become.
And when one of use left, the gap just spread wider. With Sakura gone, I was pulled back to the ground and I was awakened from the dream that I had been living in.
"Hey, you over there", the singing voice was now just a mere person's voice, "what are you doing there crying?"
I had been crying? With my fingers, I touched the wet trail down my cheeks from my eyes. I had been crying and I didn't realise it.
"I'm- I'm not crying", I denied his accusation. I wasn't weak. The tears were just the water in which the flow I couldn't control.
"Hn. Suit you", he said, walking closer to me.
"Bastard", I mumbled, stifling the sob from escaping. He wiped my tears away with his thumb that I jerked my head down to my feet at the contact.
"Only an idiot would cry and still deny it", he said. I closed my eyes tightly, my body tensing when his thumb was in contact with my cheeks. My face was all flushed and my heart, it was beating fast to such a simple grace.
"Open your eyes. Why shut away such a beautiful sky?" I was meaning to glare at him but I wasn't expecting to be trapped when my eyes were opened, trapped in the endless black hollow but filled with warmth.
I wanted to touch him; I wanted to feel the spark that Sakura had told me; but I was afraid that if I did, he would go away. He saw my fear and caught my hand with his own. When I felt the warmth on my hand didn't disappear, I leaned closer, and I could feel the radiated fire from him. Were all human like this? Was there anyone that I knew was warmer than the summer itself?
"You are warm", I said.
"Was that a good thing or a bad thing?" he smirked.
"Good thing, because I think- I think I found you".
"Found me? Peachy".
"Don't spoil the mood, bastard".
"It's Sasuke, by the way".
"And I'm Naruto".
And our lips met their silencer.
Time is going by,
So much faster that I
am starting regretting
that I am spending only a little with you,
Now I'm wondering why,
I've kept this bottle inside,
So, I'm starting to regret not telling it to you.
If I had a chance, I got to let you know.
You never gonna be alone
From this moment on,
If you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall
NEVER GONNA BE ALONE- Nickelback.
THE END! OmO
A/N: Like usual, tell me my mistakes so I can correct them. (LOL, I think I made Sasuke said a real catchy phrase: "Open your eyes. Why shut away such a beautiful sky?" LOL)