Rating: M for mature. If you don't like sex or filthy language and humor then leave now!

Pairings: YumixUlrich and a little bit of SissixUlrich and OddxSam sorry no Aelita and Jeremie in this specific story!

Storyline: Ulrich is the "virgin" heartthrob. He really likes this girl...Sissi! She's more the girl who likes guys with a bit of experience so Ulrich's shit out of luck. Except theres another girl named Yumi who is the school slut. If he can convince her to help him in the acts of sex and love maybe he'll win his dream girl. But..who is his dream girl? Sissi or Yumi?

*~ Sex Problems ~*

"Ahh! Ah more! Odd! ODD!"

Ulrich woke with a start and turned to his roommate beside him. "Odd! Sam!" Odd stopped in mid-thrust and Sam quickly tried to cover her breasts from Ulrich's view.

"Oh..sorry good buddy. I thought you had passed out and wouldn't be able to hear us." Odd said sheepishly while panting heavily.

Ulrich glared and threw his head under his pillow annoyed. Ever his goofball of a friend could get more tail than he did. Ulrich was the school heartthrob for petesake. He had the looks, cool and laid back personality and was the star of the school'd soccer team so why wasn't Ulrich rolling around with some hot piece of ass under the covers? Well just read.

"Well Odd I'm gonna leave k?" She bounced up from the bed in all her glory and searched for her clothes. She chuckled and spotted her dark purple bra on Ulrich's bed. Odd really did have bad aim when they were caught up in the moment.

"Umm Ulrich? My unmentionables are on your bed.." She whispered. Ulrich sprung up and blushed deeply seeing Sam naked. He closed his eyes grimacing and handed her bra to her. "Thanks! Bye Oddball." She said lovingly and pecked Odd on the cheek while leaving. Odd smiled dreamily as she left and looked at Ulrich who laid on his stomach in pain.

"Ulrich you ok?"

"I hate you!" Ulrich growled. Odd finally put two and two together and laughed obnoxiously. "Hahahahahaha! You got a boner! Man we have got to get you laid!" Ulrich glared more silencing anymore of Odd's laughter.

"You think I don't know that?! I've been trying for Sissi but she hardly notices me." Ulrich grumbled sadly.

"Ulrich she's...umm..to put it nicely...a fucking bitch!" Odd shouted.

"Misunderstood and incredibly hot!" Ulrich countered back.

Odd turned around getting his clothes back on and said back. "Nope, a bitch and a physco. But I won't judge." He said finally and turned back in his regular purple clothes. Ulrich followed suit and put on his green jacket and blue jeans and they both went down to breakfast.

At the breakfast table Ulrich was too busy watching Sissi to pay attention to Odd and Sam's love talk. Sissi walked out in a red mini skirt with a black Victoria Secret tank top and red pumps. Real slut material...She always hung around the jocks and flirted to the extreme.

"That's it I'm going over!" Ulrich said to his friends slamming his food tray down.

"Ulrich you stupid little white boy she's trash! Look at her!" Sam exclaimed. Ulrich turned once again to Sissi admiring her long legs and the way her chest looked in her tank top.

"Your point Sam?"

"You could do so much better." Sam said. Odd nodded. "You need a healthy relationship with a good girl. Like us." Odd said smiling.

"You two fucking each other while I'm in the room is healthy and normal?" Ulrich teased. They both blushed red. "I'm sorry guys, but Sissi is what I want. Wish me luck!" Ulrich ran his hand through his hair and checked his appearance. Yup, he looked good. He walked over to Sissi who happened to be sitting on William's lap playing with his hair.

"Um..Sissi?"

"Oh hello Ulrich Dear." Sissi said and winked. Ulrich blushed and smiled.

"Do you want to go possibly out...with me this evening?"

"Ulrich tell you what...you find the biggest book you can on sex, read it, memorize it, and then we'll talk. But I like guys with experience and the knowledge on how to please a woman. I can't have a first timer who can only last a few seconds...Sorry." She rubbed his cheek smiling and sauntered off with William and the rest of her boy fan club. Ulrich groaned and walked out of the lunchroom.

"Wow...that was hard to watch." A sudden voice said. Ulrich turned and saw Yumi Ishiyama A.K.A. the school slut. She was in her black combat boots she had worn ever since they were younger with black shorts and a white shirt showing off way too much cleavage. She had on exotic makeup making her sapphire eyes look extremely beautiful and red lip stick.

"Bite me Ishiyama." He growled.

"What's wrong Stern, can't get what you want so now we have to be rude?" She said teasingly.

"What do you want?" He asked finally. He then noticed she pulled out a cherry lollipop and rolled it around on her tongue.

"I'm thinking I might just wanna help you with your little problem."

"I don't have a problem slut." He said meanly but stayed where he was because he couldn't stop watching Yumi's tongue play with the lollipop so seductively.

"Oh really?" She asked. Ulrich nodded and began to walk away when Yumi grabbed the front of his pants gripping his hard length from watching her making him moan and stop in his tracks. "Cause I can tell my licking is making you look like you're ready to pop." She teased.

Ulrich finally came to his senses and pushed her hand away. "I don't need help from the likes of you! I can do fine on my own. What do you know anyway?"

"Well you keep calling me the school slut so apparently I'ved been doing some things right to make guys wanna sleep with me. How many girls have you slept with Stern?"

Ulrich groaned. "None.." Yumi smirked in satisfaction and licked her lollipop again this time engulfing the whole thing in her mouth. Ulrich blushed and gulped. "Fine fine! What can you do to help me?"

"I know everything and anything that has to do with sex, so I can teach you all my tricks and how to control yourself from bursting." Yumi paused and waited for an objection and when didn't give one she continued. "Sissi will be screaming your name before you know it. 'Oh Ulrich! Ulrich! Ahh'" she faked moaned into Ulrich's ear making him shiver. "But one condition!"

"What's that?" Ulrich asked curiously.

"Don't and I repeat don't let your feelings get in the way between us. Got it? This is just one person helping another person to learn how to fuck. Deal?" She finalized and took out her hand for his to seal the deal.

"Don't worry Ishiyama I won't fall in love with you. You can be sure of that." He smirked and shook her hand. "But one question. Why are you helping me?"

She smiled and licked her lollipop one last time. "Just call me your guardian sex angel." She giggled and walked away.

~* To Be Continued *~

So my first chapter! I'm sorry if there's any mistakes but hey I tried! I hope you guys will enjoy how this story goes and please please leave reviews. Thank you!