A/n: Well, I here I am again. Y'all know me. 4thtime on this story. FOURTH. Or maybe only the third? I ain't even sure at this point. See, I'm a somewhat perfectionist and I am indecisive. I have trouble making up my mind. I've tried this story FOUR—or is it three?—separate times and they failed in my opinion. I really love the plot, but I have trouble copying it down on paper. So I'm trying this AGAIN. This is THE LAST time I'm redoing this story, I promise. If I don't get it this time, I'm hopeless. I'll quit this story and let someone else take it. But not before I try my hand at this thing ONE more time. Please don't hate me, please don't hate me. Give this story ANOTHER chance. It's probably gotten lot as it is, but I'm serious this time. Cross my heart. I'm trying to get this right for YOU. I want YOU to laugh and enjoy this fan fiction to the fullest. Don't worry; unlike the other four—or was it three?—times, I completely rewrote the story. I think that what was going wrong; I kept renewing the story but kept the same shitty chapters. And to prove this will be bigger and badder, I even gave the story a new title! So thus, without further ado, here is, Diabolik Roomies. Please, criticize it if you must. I can take it. I'd prefer some, honestly. ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥

I didn't feel like doing a proper-proper introduction. I mean, we all know who everyone is at this point.

A Few Months Prior….

"Okay, someone's got two seconds to own the fuck up," barked Yuma Mukami, storming into the foyer where his brother and a shitload of boxes were waiting.

"What is it this time, Yuuuma-kun?" sang Kou Mukami, Yuma's blond shorter but older brother. "Wait, this isn't about the tomatoes is it? I only took a few…"

"Wait, that was you?" Yuma furrowed his brows at Kou. "You liar! You told me you didn't!" Being a vegetable gardener, Yuma didn't play about his tomatoes.

"What?" The other vampire blinked innocently. "It was only like….five."

"Dumbass, that was the whole damn crate! How'd you even eat all of them?"

Kou giggled. "Who said I ate them? They have other uses~"

"I bet you took my sugar cubes," spat Yuma with disgust, glaring down at Kou. "I put the container on the counter in the kitchen and they freaking disappeared."

"Hey, don't look at me like that. I didn't take it."

"Just like you didn't steal my tomatoes? Where the fuck are they, Kou?"

"I didn't take them, I swear!" Kou ducked as Yuma raised a hand to slap the holy shit out of him. "Wait, Yuma-kun! You can't hit a face like mine. You'll damage it!"

"That's the point! Now where the hell's my sugar cubes?"

"I told you, I don't have it!"

Yuma grabbed Kou by the sweater and yanked him over. "Open your mouth," he demanded. Kou started to sweat nervously, pressing his lips together. "OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH!" Hesitating, Kou slowly opened his mouth. "Now stick out your tongue," ordered Yuma, "before I grab it and yank the thing out myself."

"Okay, okay. You're scaring me…." Kou opened wide, sticking his red tongue out for Yuma to see.

"Ha! I knew it! I can see some sugar crystals glistening on your tongue! You did take my cubes, you liar!"

Kou pulled away before Yuma could bop him in the forehead. "That's not sugar! It's salt!" he insisted.

"Like you expect me to believe that! That's obviously sugar! What the fuck could you possibly eat with that much salt on it before passing the fuck out? Besides, everything's already packed away. Boy, you're so fucked now—"

"Enough." Ruki Mukami, the oldest and most mature of the vampire brothers, appeared. He closed his book and sighed. "Can't you two ever learn to quiet down for once? Today is an important day and we cannot afford to waste time like this." He glanced around the foyer at all of the boxes. "Is this everything?"

The household was supposed to move to a new mansion today. They had orders from the vampire king, Karlheinz, to relocate to the location of his choosing. And having saved them from hell, the Mukami brothers always obeyed their savior.

Azusa, the youngest and last brother, showed himself next. "Ruki…can I have my knives now?" he asked in a monotone, "I'm desperate. Justin needs some attention." Simply put, Azusa was a masochist. He took pleasure in cutting himself and even gave his cuts names, his favorite one being Justin.

"Not until we get to the new place," replied Ruki, checking his wrist watch. Earlier, he made Azusa pack up his knife collection since the masochist had been distracted by it while he was supposed to be finishing up his packing. "It's about time to leave. We're supposed to appear at the mansion in fifteen minutes. If there's a chance Karlheinz-sama is going to be there, we do not want to keep him waiting."

"But my sugar cubes—"

"I'll buy you some more on the way there. Now come on. We don't have much time. If your rumps aren't in the limo by the time I make it outside, I'm not cooking dinner."

Yuma, Kou, and Azusa exchanged glances.

And they bolted for the door.

Reiji Sakamaki was disgusted.

The Sakamaki household was supposed to be relocating to a new mansion, but nothing was going on schedule. In fact, everything was behind schedule by at least a few hours. Wait, more like days. The others were do disorderly it wasn't even funny. Subaru refused to move his coffin, Ayato somehow misplaced his things already and they hadn't even left the house yet, Kanato had been locked up in his room for a few hours now, Laito was refusing to take another step in his bedroom since he'd seen a cockroach in there an hour ago, and Shuu had yet to even pack up his stuff.

The only ones who were actually honoring the schedule were Reiji and Yui Komori, the human girl the vampires' father, Karlheinz, had sent to live with them. In Reiji's opinion, it was all such a shame. A mere human could conduct herself more properly than his useless brother. Reiji was the only one who took these matters seriously. And when his brothers failed to, Reiji was always the one who had to fix their foolish problems that could've been easily avoided.

Like now, for instance. He was walking up the stairs, his extremely pervy young brother Laito following close behind. "It was huge!" the third-but-technically-the-fifth son was insisting as they came to his room.

"I don't care how big it is. You should've just killed it," said Reiji, opening the door and stepping into Laito's bedroom. His room had been packed away in boxes and should've been downstairs by now. "Okay, where is it?" asked Reiji, looking around.

Laito stayed in the doorway, refusing to venture any further in case the cockroach was crawling about. "I saw it by the windows," he said, looking around nervously.

Honestly, Reiji didn't know a single immortal that feared something as irrelevant as a cockroach. Being raised by the first wife of the Karlheinz the Vampire King, Laito had enough sense to torture, use, and murder girls, yet went running at the sight of anything the size of a quarter.

Reiji found the red bug in the windowsill and waved it through the window. "There. It's taken care of," he announced, closing the window shut so the bug wouldn't come back in and scare the living daylights out of Laito again. "Now please resume with the task at hands. I want all boxes in the foyer with the others."

"You're the best, Reiji~" sang Laito as his elder brother made his down the hall.

He stopped at Kanato's door. He rapped at it with his knuckles. "GO AWAY!" shouted a voice on the other side.

"Kanato, it's about time you come," said Reiji sternly, "we have a schedule to follow and you're disrupting the flow."

"I don't care! Teddy and I aren't going anywhere!"

Reiji sighed. Desperate times called for desperate measures. "If you cooperate now, I'll bake you a cake once we get settled into the new place."

A moment of silence passed as Kanato muttered something to Teddy. "What kind?" he tested.

"Chocolate ganache with your favorite fudge icing."

Another moment of silence passed as Kanato talked it over with Teddy.

"And I'll add raspberries on top," added Reiji, "I know Teddy likes those."

The door swung open and the fourth son appeared in the doorway. "You have a deal with Teddy and me," he said, hugging his stuffed animal close. What kind of extremely ill centuries-old being would still cling to a teddy bear like an insecure child? Reiji still couldn't figure that one out. But to fair, he did look like a child anyways. And boy did he act like one. Being sugar-crazy and a highly disturbed individual, Kanato was not only mentally unstable, but very spoiled, possessive, and downright weird. Reiji didn't like being seen with him in public. Not only because of his twisted habits, but because of how wild he looked. For some odd reason Reiji had yet to know, Kanato wasn't a big fan of sleep. The huge bags under his eyes were more than proof of that.

"Yes, yes. Now please move your things downstairs," said Reiji with a sigh of defeat. "We don't have all day."

Two down, unfortunately three more to go. But alas, Reiji was used to this. He dealt with these kinds of situations every day. He visited Subaru next. The youngest Sakamaki was sitting in his room, his arms folded across his chest stubbornly. "I'm not moving it," he grunted the second Reiji appeared.

"Yes, you will." Reiji looked at Subaru sternly. Subaru didn't own that much, but his prized possession was his coffin. He slept in it between 10 to 24 hours a day and didn't like anyone messing with it.

"No, I won't. It's not going anywhere and neither am I," insisted Subaru aggressively, glaring at Reiji. You might be wondering: what's this one like? Reiji could sum it up for you easily: an aggressive loner and a delinquent with a passion for destroying stuff. Honestly, it was a miracle he hadn't totaled the mansion yet.

Reiji furrowed his eyebrows. "Subaru, you're acting like a child. Father said we're leaving and that's not."

"Like I care what that old fart said," snorted Subaru. See, the Sakamaki brothers didn't really have a good relationship with their father, the vampire king. Due to his lack of fatherly involvement in their lives, Reiji's brother all hated him with a passion, some more than others.

"Yes, I'm sure you don't. But I know you'll have second thoughts when Father ships you to the North Pole next," said Reiji, adjusting his glasses.

Subaru gritted his teeth. "So? I'm not afraid of him."

"I guarantee you won't be saying that when you have to sleep in the ice and snow. Just ask Shuu," said Reiji, turning to leave. "And something tells me Father won't let you bring your coffin, either." And with those words hanging in the air, Reiji made his exit. He didn't have time to stand around and argue with his foolish siblings. He had things to do.

Next stop: Ayato. Reiji should've been surprised to find a lot of Ayato's things scatted all over the floor. The redhead was rummaging through his boxes, flinging stuff over his shoulder and swearing nonstop. "Oi! What the hell? Where is it?" he fumed, "Ore-sama needs it! Reiji, where is it?"

"Where is what, Ayato? And look what you did. You basically unpacked more than half of your things."

"I don't give a damn!" Ayato stomped his foot. "And I'm talking about my Magic 8 ball!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! Laito probably has the damned thing again," grumbled Ayato, kicking over a box. Being the oldest of the triplets (Laito, Ayato, and Kanato), Ayato was super-spoiled, mischievous, a troublemaker, and the rebel of the household (or in other words, a brat).

"Wait, so you nearly undid all of your work and created a mess for the sake of a plastic toy? Wait, don't answer that. I'm just gonna just pretend I never came in here."

Reiji exited Ayato's room; he didn't have the strength for him. He'd just have a familiar repack his things. But now that was somewhat taken care of, last and certainty least was Reiji's least favorite person in the world.

"What do you want?" asked Shuu as Reiji opened his bedroom door. Like always, the eldest Sakamaki son was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling like a simple-minded fool. To be the oldest, Shuu was the sorriest excuse for a man Reiji even witnessed (with Ayato coming close in second). He didn't handle any of his responsibilities and chose to lie around like a bump on a log all day, forcing the household's affairs on Reiji. Honestly, Shuu was so lazy he probably couldn't even clip his toenails. Or even hold the clippers for that matter. All he did was sleep. The only things he was interested in was his music, eating, and sleeping. He was more useless than that little Magic-8 Ball Ayato was crazy about.

Reiji looked around. "You haven't bothered packing at all. Do you want Father to ship you to the North Pole again?"

Shuu yawned. "Leave me alone. I'm busy."

"With what? The most you've even done is wipe your rump. You might not even have the decency to do that. I won't take my chances either way. That's why I don't wash my clothes with yours."

Shuu closed his eyes. "I wipe my ass, Reiji. It's not hard."

"You never know with you." Reiji narrowed his eyes. "You can't even pour a bowl of cereal properly."

Shuu didn't answer. Instead, he loud out a small snore. Well, that was over quicker than usual. Shuu must've been feeling extra lazy today. In Reiji's opinion, Shuu was a waste of flesh and blood. He had no purpose whatsoever. He was nothing more than a spineless deadbeat with—

"I knew it! I knew it! What the hell are you doing with my Magic-8 Ball?" raged Ayato from downstairs.

Good gracious! What was going on now? Reiji really couldn't catch a break. After giving Shuu one more glare of disgust, Reiji went downstairs to find Ayato acting like a fool again.

"Calm down, Ayato-kun. You probably just misplaced it again and it ended up in my stuff," Laito was saying.

"What is the problem this time?" asked Reiji with a sigh, nearing them.

"Hey, guess where I found my Magic-8? In Laito's stuff," spat Ayato, "I told you he had it!"

"I don't care about your toy, Ayato. Why were you going through my boxes anyway? I don't go through your things." Laito was actually frowning for once.

"And I don't take your stuff," countered Ayato.

"What are you talking about? You swipe my stuff all the time. My phone, my favorite sweater, my bath soaps, my other phone—"

"Lies! Ore-sama doesn't need your petty shit!" insisted Ayato, waving around his Magic-8 ball.

"What are you talking about? You take my shit all the time!" Subaru walked into the foyer, carrying his coffin above his head. Reiji smirked to himself. Subaru could be reasoned with after all.

"What did I ever take from you? You don't have anything to begin with," Ayato fired back.

"Oh, I wonder why," said Subaru sarcastically, gently setting his coffin by itself in the corner. "I can't have nice things because of you!"

"No, because you destroy everything you come across! And what of yours did Ore-sama ever take?"

"Remember that body lotion I had? It somehow disappeared and you smelt like it for a week!"

Ayato laughed harshly. "I can't believe this guy. He always acts so tough but here he is getting bent out of shape over some damn lotion."

Subaru's face burned red with embarrassment. "What? It was really nice!" he insisted through his teeth.

"Wait, are you talking about that blossom flower kind from that gift shop in the demon world? Yeah, it did smell nice," agreed Laito, "but a little feminine, don't you think?"

"Exactly!" exclaimed Ayato.

"Hey now, Ayato-kun. You're not really one to talk since you're the one who was walking around with it on~

Reiji cleared his throat. "I hate to interrupt this merry conversation, but we have a schedule to keep. We need to leave in a few minutes so—"

"Tch, whatever. The thing is Ore-sama doesn't take anyone else's stuff even if he does deserve it," insisted Ayato, totally interrupting Reiji like he didn't give a shit.

"Ayato, you know you're lying." Shuu was sitting at the bottom of the staircase. "I found half of my clothes in your closest. Half."

"See. You take stuff from everyone. I bet you even steal from Bitch-chan. Bith-channnn! Come hereeeeee~"

Yui ran into the foyer not long after. "Yes?" she said, breathing heavily.

"Say Bitch-chan, has anything of yours gone missing lately?"

Yui's face went red. "Not what I can think of."

"Why Bitch-chan, your face is so red. Are you lying by any chance? Hehe…"

Reiji cleared his throat. "Father wanted us to arrive at the new mansion at a specific time so we should get going som—"

"There's no need to be ashamed, Bitch-chan. We just want an honest answer." Apparently, Laito didn't care what Reiji had to say either. Reiji sighed. In situations like this, it was just best to stand to the side and let them resolve their own problems because being the voice of reason was obviously a waste of breath….

"W-well…" Yui looked down at her feet. "Some of my…er….clothing has been disappearing…"

"Ha! I knew it! Ayato-kun's stealing Bitch-chan's panties~"

"What? No way! Chichinashi's panties are all unattractive. Even when they're dirty," insisted Ayato with a snort.

Yui turned bright pink. "Wh-what's wrong with you? What're you doing going through my clothes?"

"Why else? He's perverted as fuck," spat Subaru.

"C'mon, Subaru. Own up. I've seen you sneaking into Bitch-chan's room once or twice~"

"What? No, you haven't! Shut the hell up! What are you doing stalking her room anyway? And why are you talking about me? This is about Ayato and his thievery."

"Ore-sama's too good to be a thief! And you know what? You two are getting on my damn nerves. I'm just gonna kick your asses so you'll shut the fuck up already."

Subaru cracked his knuckles and grinned. "About damn time! I was getting tired of hearing you too."

Usually, Reiji didn't let them fight in the house since something always ended up severely damaged but since everything had been packed away, he didn't see any harm in letting them strangle each other. Maybe they'd end up defeating each other, putting Reiji out of his misery.

"Wait. Hold that thought." Ayato held up his trusty Magic-8 Ball. "Even though Ore-sama's the strongest of them all, let's see if it's my fortune to win. I know it will be, but still. Ellie never lets me down—"

"WAIT! Hold the fuck up!" Subaru threw his hands up. "You named the damn thing?"

"It's just a piece of cheap plastic. That's even worse than Kanato," smirked Shuu.

At the mention of his name, Kanato flew out of nowhere. "DID SOMEONE JUST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME?!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, looking deranged as usual.

Yui winced. "Kanato, please calm down. There's no reason to—"

"SHUT UP WOMAN. I CAN YELL IF I WANT TO."

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING? YOU SOUND RETARDED!" Subaru shouted at Kanato.

"ORE-SAMA WILL KICK YOUR ASS, SUBARU!"

"BRING IT ON!"

"BITCH-CHAN, YELL WITH US. IT'S FUN~"

Okay, Reiji couldn't take this. He was going to get a migraine. "ENOUGH!" he shouted. Silence fell over everyone. "I'll say this one last time," hissed Reiji, "everyone go get in the car now or I'll burn all of your prized possessions."

Ayato didn't budge. "Who are you to threaten—

Subaru grabbed Ayato and dragged him toward the front door. "Just come on already."

"Laito, carry me to the car," said Shuu expectantly.

"What? No way. I'll carry Bitch-chan's weight anytime though~

"Kanato, carry me to the car."

"No! Only Teddy is worthy of that treatment!"

"Yui, carry me to the car."

"What? But you look too heavy…."

"It's true, Shuuu. I saw you eat that whole box of sugar cookies yesterday~

"Shut up and just carry me already."

Reiji facepalmed as Yui actually attempted to hoist Shuu onto her shoulders. Ugh, this household was such a dysfunction. It couldn't get any worse than this….

"Ugh. It reeks of humans here. I don't like the smell of humans," grumbled Subaru, glancing out of the window as the limo cruised down their new street.

"You like the smell of Bitch-chan though~"

"Are you sure this is the right place? You know you get confused when you see read directions," said a half-asleep Shuu.

Reiji gasped, obviously offended. "I'll have you know I can read just fine, especially directions. Unlike you, who doesn't even know what i-g-n-o-r-a-n-t f-o-o-l says."

"We've never lived on a residential street before," murmured Subaru, "what was the old man thinking?"

Laito clapped his hands together. "Ooh, we'll finally have neighbors. I bet they're all chicks~"

Subaru snorted, folding his arms across his chest as the limo stopped for someone backing out of their driveway. "Yeah. Chicks with dicks.

Laito and Ayato shivered. "I thought we weren't going to speak of that," spat Ayato.

"I can't believe I almost kissed a guy. I had nightmares about that for a week. I had to sleep in the bed with Bitch-chan until they went away. Good times, right Bitch-chan~?"

"Ore-sama doesn't really mind the humans. At least I won't have to go far for some grub." All six vampires suddenly snapped to attention at once. "Wait, is that…?" trailed off Ayato, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Undeniably so. Their unattractive smell is hard to miss." Reiji made a hard face. "I find that suspicious. They don't live in this neighborhood."

"Guys? What's going on?" asked Yui, startled.

"Let's just say things are about to get way more interesting, Bitch-chan~"

Kanato growled. "Try not to inhale too much, Teddy. Those rats' smell might sour your senses."

"Those guys are really relentless and it's annoying…" went Shuu. "What are they doing around here anyway?"

"Wow, the place's huge!" said Kou, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked up at the giant stone mansion looming over them. The Mukami household had just arrived at their new residence and the brothers were in the expansive driveway, observing their new home. "Way bigger than the old place."

"I bet the garden's big too. I'll have way more space to grow those pumpkins." Yuma seemed pleased.

"I need a knife…" Azusa was too busy paying attention to his unscarred arms instead of their new dwelling place. Since Ruki made him pack away all his knifes, Azusa couldn't cut himself during the ride to the new mansion. And being a vampire, his previous scars had already healed, leaving Azusa's skin unnaturally flawless. Azusa didn't like seeing his skin like that. It was creepy.

"Once again, Karlheinz-sama has proven to be far too gracious," said Ruki, "he—" He suddenly stopped short. He and his brothers all turned in the same direction as the same scents alerted their vampire senses. "Those guys…?"

"Oi! What are they doing around here? They don't live this area," snorted Yuma.

"They're with Eve. I can't wait to see her again," said Azusa. If he was excited it was hard to tell since he always spoke in that same monotone. "I wonder if she'll remember me…"

"Uh, is it just me, or are they coming toward us?" asked Kou slowly.

"Fuck no," murmured Yuma. They all stared as a black limousine suddenly appeared, driving through the gate and slowing inching up into the expansive driveway. It parked on the other side of the fountain and one of the doors immediately swung open.

Subaru Sakamaki was the first to get out. "What the hell are you dumbasses doing here?" he demanded, storming up the spacious stone toward them.

"Us? What the fuck are you guys doing here?" countered Yuma, meeting Subaru halfway. Though Yuma was taller, Subaru was not intimidated. He and Yuma stared at each other with harder-than-steel glares.

"I don't know about you guys, but we were summoned here," said Kou with a small giggle as the others excluding Shuu got out of the limo. "You Sakamakis got the wrong place."

Ayato laughed harshly. "No, you Mukamis are the confused ones. We were summoned here, not you."

"What? You four?" Yui seemed surprised to see the Mukami brothers. She froze, realizing them and the Sakamakis together meant trouble. "Wh-what are you guys doing here?" She gasped when Azusa suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Hi, Eve." Azusa gave her a small smile. "Remember me?"

"Yo, back off," spat Ayato, grabbing Yui's arm and yanking her over to him. "She belongs to Ore-sama."

"Well well, I didn't think we'd all meet up like this~" said Laito with a small giggle, touching the rim of his hat. "So how's everyone doing today? Good? No? Okay, I get it~"

"I handle all of the Sakamaki affairs," announced Reiji, adjusting his glasses. "Being the only responsible one, I can confirm we were told to gather here. You four made a mistake somewhere. Of course, I'd expect nothing less from ex-humans." He glared at the Mukamis, specifically Yuma.

"Who're you looking at, Four Eyes?"

"You, obviously."

"I deal with the Mukami matters and I can say we were called here too," said Ruki thinly though calmly. "You Sakamakis are the ones who made a mistake."

Kanato growled at Azusa, hugging Teddy close. "Ugh, look at that worm, Teddy. Isn't his smell repulsive?" From behind the lenses of his fashionable glasses, Kanato narrowed his eyes.

"Hi, Kanato." Although just insulted, Azusa looked indifferent. His gaze landed on Teddy in Kanato's arms. "You still hold on to that stuffed animal? It must be important to you…"

Kanato looked more than disgusted. "How dare you address Teddy like that?!" he shrieked, his eyes widening with horror.

"Oi, the other Four Eyes has something to say?" Yuma glowered at Kanato next. "You better shut up with those bags."

"You don't happen to know anything about this, do you?" Reiji hardened his stern face at Yui.

"N-no! I don't know anything about this!" stammered Yui, turning red. "You told me not to talk with the Mukamis."

"Ah, so the livestock appears in our presence once again. You should've known you wouldn't escape my fangs for long," said Ruki, turning to Yui at Ayato's side.

Ayato growled and stepped in front of his food protectively. "Sorry pal, you won't be drinking from my prey. Lay a finger on her and I'll kill you."

"Not if I kill you first," snapped Yuma, rolling up his sleeves as if readying for a fight.

"Bring it on, bitch! Ore-sama's ready to kick your ass!"

"Can't we talk and sort this out like mature adults?" asked an amused Laito, appearing between Ayato and Yuma. "Unless you four are that anxious to die, that'd be your best bet."

"We're not scared of you," said Azusa slowly.

"And we're not weak either!" added a pissed Yuma.

"Geez, so loud." Everyone turned to see Shuu finally getting out of the limo. He didn't even glance at his brothers or the Mukami brothers—he walked across the driveway, sitting down on a nice patch of the lawn. He lay down on his backside, drifting off to sleep. Reiji looked away in disgust at his elder brother's laziness.

Yuma gave a mean chuckle. "Considering the NEET's on your team, we have more than a fair chance against you Sakamakis. All he can do is lie around on his ass all day."

"Look, so things don't get ugly, why don't you four just be on your way?" suggested Laito with his unceasing smile, "she might be a bitch but Bitch-chan's still a lady. We wouldn't want to be un-gentlemanlike in front of her, now would we?"

"Hey, why don't we let M Neko-chan decide who should leave or stay?" Kou was just as amused as Laito. He grinned at Yui. "Her favorite group gets to stay. That's fair, right?"

"Like hell it isn't!" protested Subaru, "we have the right to be here because our old man said so! If you got a problem with that, take it up with him! He'll handle your asses."

"Once again, you Sakamakis are wrong. Karlheinz-sama was also the one who summoned us here. Being in debt to him for being our savior, we na—"

"Oh, please." Ayato rolled his eyes with revulsion.

"…we naturally obey him," finished Ruki, giving Ayato a sideway glare.

From the lawn, Shuu cleared his throat. Everyone ignored him.

"Why don't we call up the old fuck?" suggested Subaru angrily, "and see just who's telling the truth."

"Actually, that would make things worse, right Bitch-chan~"

"Karlheinz-sama is a very busy man and we will not interrupt him with this nonsense," stated Ruki firmly, "really, you should have more respect for him."

Shuu cleared his throat louder. Everyone ignored him still.

"I don't give a shit about his ancient ass!" insisted Subaru defiantly, "I just want you four out of my fucking face already!"

"Right back at you," countered Yuma, matching Subaru's tone.

Shuu cleared his throat obnoxiously loud this time.

"Unfortunately, I think Shuu has something to say," said Reiji, obviously irritated.

"Oi! Like I want to hear what the NEET has to say," snorted Yuma.

"Give him a chance to damn speak! Seriously, so selfish this guy. You've been the only one flapping your lips like a retard so shut the fuck up already and let someone else get a word in!" snapped Subaru.

"Who're you calling a retard, retard? And you're the one who needs to shut the fuck up! Nobody's listening to your white-haired ass!" Yuma flashed two middle fingers at Subaru.

Subaru gritted his teeth and clenched a fist. "Bitch!" he spat, "my hair's silver! What's wrong with your eyes? Are they as useless as your mouth?"

"Not as useless as your dick!"

"Ooh!" winced Kou and Laito. "He got you, Subaru," giggled Laito.

Subaru was about to lunge at Yuma, but Reiji held him back. "Please, no fighting in the yard," he scolded lowly, "the neighbors might hear."

"Yes, Yuma. Have some self-control for once." Ruki looked just as displeased. "There's no reason to be upset. I'm sure there's just been a misunderstanding somewhere down the line…"

"There is no misunderstanding," said Shuu at last in his usual monotone. Still lying on the lawn, he opened an eye. "You all are so bothersome and ignorant. The old man did this on purpose. He knows we don't care for each other—"

"That's putting it lightly," snorted Subaru.

"…so he ordered for both households to gather at the same place at the same place, managing to keep both parties…" Shuu dozed off for a second and then continued, "completely in the dark until the day of confrontation, which is…." Shuu completely fell asleep, leaving his sentence unfinished.

"Dammit!" Subaru stomped his foot. "Figures the old man's up to his scheming again! Why can't he just leave us the fuck alone for once?"

Laito giggled stiffly. "It seems when we actually don't want that man in our lives, that's when he decides to get involved and become a nuisance."

"Well, if this is Karlheinz-sama's wish…" trailed off Ruki.

"Hold the fuck up!" Yuma whirled around, grabbing a fistful of his shorter older brother's shirt and yanking him close. "You aren't seriously suggesting we stay with these wackjobs?!"

"Yuma, you know we have no right to oppose Karlheinz-sama. We comply with his wishes even if we ourselves do not agree," was Ruki's calm response.

Yuma gritted his teeth. He looked like he wanted to protest with every fiber in his body, but didn't say a word. He let go of Ruki, pressing his lips together. "Dammit. This really bites…"

"Oh hell no! Hell no. You four might act like the old man's lapdogs, but we ain't agreeing to this shit!" snarled Subaru aggressively, "I already got a set of crackheads and heaven knows I can't take another! You four take the damn house—we'll take our shit back to where we came from."

"Actually, I agree with the ex-human," announced Reiji after a sigh of defeat, "if Father really wants this…"

Ayato wasn't sticking around to hear the rest. "Ayato out!" He kissed two of his fingers and lifted them into a peace sign before turning to leave. "I'll see you bitches later—"

"Hold it, Ayato. You know we must honor Father's wishes," said Reiji slowly.

"What? Teddy and I refuse to live with that worm!" Kanato recoiled in horror, pointing an accusing finger at Azusa.

Subaru was hopping mad now. "And I'll be damned if I share the same space as Yuma," he raged.

"Hey, we're not big fans of you Sakamakis either…" said Azusa, "besides, you go to the same school as us so you technically share a space with Yuma…."

Kou giggled. "What's wrong, Subaru-kun? Afraid I'll steal your spotlight?"

"Bitch, you better—"

"What do you think?" Ruki was suddenly turning to Yui, who'd been standing there quietly. Being put on the spot, the blond startled.

"Wha-what? You want my opinion?" she turned red.

Ruki was annoyed now. "Isn't that the only reason I'd ask?"

"Maybe you should bite her, Ruki," suggested Laito with a pervy giggle, adjusting his fedora or whatever-the-fuck you wanna call his hat. "Bitch-chan always summits when someone pleasures her with his fangs."

"Shut the hell up!" Subaru barked at his perv-ish older brother. He focused his hard glare on Ruki. "You touch her and I'll fuck you up!"

Laito was even more amused than before. "You never disappoint, Subaru. You get so defensive of Bitch-chan every time. Maybe you really do like our tiny bitch."

"Hold the hell up! Chichinashi belongs to Ore-sama," insisted abnormally possessive Ayato, stomping his foot.

"You're still here? I thought you were gonna 'see us bitches later,'" snorted Yuma.

"I was until you bitches started claiming my shit!"

"She's not shit you piece of shit!" Apparently, Subaru was directing his anger at Ayato now.

"Good damn, will you guys just let the human answer the question?" said Shuu, apparently waking up just to say that. He was snoring away a few seconds later. Silence fell over the vampires as they all turned to stare at Yui.

Yui's cheeks splotched bright pink. "Uh…well…er…" She started to fidget, staring at her feet uncomfortably. She couldn't help but feel under pressure, especially with ten—wait, nine. Shuu fell asleep again—pairs of cold eyes staring holes into her.

"Awww, it's okay, Bitch-chan. You can give us your honest opinion. We're all friends here~"

"Don't insult me like that," hissed Yuma.

"Well, if Karlheinz-san wants this…we…don't really have a choice, right?" asked Yui slowly, looking up.

"Precisely. Unless you're curious as to what Mars looks like," half-joked Reiji after taking a quick glare at Shuu in the grass.

"Maybe I'll get to meet some lady Martians," giggled Laito, "we could make peace with them until Subaru somehow insults them and the Martians wage war against us. We'd have to fight them and they'd probably be way more vicious than polar bears, right Shuu?"

"We could keep records of our adventures on Mars," added Kou, "and we could call them The Martian Chronicles."

The loud chirping of a crow suddenly alerted everyone. Sure enough, a black bird was swooping down toward them. It came to a hover in front of Ruki, a note tied to its skinny leg. "It's from Karlheinz-sama," said Ruki, taking the note from the familiar and reading it aloud:

Dear Sakamaki and Mukami Households,
Forgive my sudden awareness, but I am unable to visit you all at the new house at this time. Please accept my apologies.
I trust you will all fair well without me. Though the merging of the two was unforeseen on your part, I expect both parties to conduct themselves properly.
I should hope to pay you all a visit soon. Also, though the place is different, the same rule stands. The human woman is to remain alive no matter the circumstance.
Also, no killing one another. No exceptions.
Sincerely, Karlheinz

Subaru punched a dent into the Sakamakis' limo. Ayato groaned loudly and Reiji took off his glasses, pinching his forehead. "Well, I guess that's settled," said Ruki steadily as the familiar flew away. "The Sakamakis and Mukamis will all stay under one roof. If this is what Karlheinz-sama wants, we have no right to object."

"Wait, so we're seriously going through with this?" snorted Ayato, pissed.

Shuu, who was awake again, sighed tiredly. "Send me back to the north pole," he groaned, rolling over onto his side.

"I second that." It would probably bring a genuine smile to Reiji's face to see Shuu get shipped off somewhere far-far away. He pinched his forehead. "I guess since we got that settled we should start settling in. It beats standing around out here looking like fools."

"Oh no. Ore-sama is not staying with these guys!"

"Oh c'mon, Ayato. It'll be fun. Or are you just afraid of sharing Bitch-chan? You're so territorial~"

"I'm sure there's more than enough room for everyone," said Ruki, taking a glance up at the mansion. "That would explain why Karlheinz-sama chose such a massive place."

"First dibs on the biggest room!" shouted Kou, bolting for the entrance.

"Hey! What the—get your blond ass back over here! Ore-sama gets first dibs!" barked Ayato, charging after Kou.

"Hey guys, wait for me! C'mon, Bitch-chan~" He grabbed Yui's wrist and skipped away, dragging Yui behind him.

"Hey! No one chooses before Teddy and I!" shouted Kanato, running after them.

"Wait for me too. Justin and I don't wanna be left out…."

Subaru shoved his hands into his pockets, muttering to himself, "This sucks. I can't believe this…"

"Hey, you aren't the only one who's pissed," spat Yuma.

"Indeed. How do you think I feel?" asked Reiji, "it's already bad enough with my own brothers. Now I have to deal with you heathens."

"We Mukamis know how to adapt. I don't know about you Sakamakis, but we will adjust to this even if we detest the thought." Leaving those words hanging in the air, Ruki calmly headed for the mansion. After sending a final glare at Subaru, Yuma followed his older brother.

"My days are numbered," grumbled Subaru, watching their backsides.

"I hear you. Though I am usually not one to criticize Father's decisions, this is just preposterous," agreed Reiji, "we don't even know each other nor have the tolerance, much less live with each other. And even worse, our furniture sets will most likely clash…"

From the grass, Shuu turned up the volume on his music player. Might as well while he was ahead. He knew for a fact all of this was just a disaster waiting to happen.