Author's note: Hi, this is Demon Kitty Girl. waves I felt like writing a really random, freaky fanfiction one day. And here it is! The story of what REALLY goes on in StarClan. Enjoy.

Great StarClan!

Chapter 1: Medicine Cat Bands and a Millie-Beating Stick

"All cats who have died a horrible death come here!" the usual call rang out across the forest of StarClan as Bluestar stood on the Highcloud. All of the StarClan cats assembled except for Yellowfang.

"Oy! Yellowfang! Get over here!" yelled Feathertail, who, as usual, was carrying her baseball bat, which she used for all of her glorious attempts on Leafpool's life.

"Why? I didn't die a horrible death! It was actually quite cheery!" yelled the medicine cat, filing her claws.

"CHEERY?!" shrieked Bluestar from her place on the Highcloud, "You freakin' burned to death! I nearly cried my eyes out! Great kits, get over here!"

"MAKE ME, FOR STARCLAN'S SAKE!!!"

"YOU'RE PART OF STARCLAN!! YOU CAN'T SAY STARCLAN'S SAKE!!!"

"I'LL SAY WHOEVER'S SAKE I WANT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!"

"Okay peoples!" said Tallstar, "Let's try to solve this conflict in a nice, orderly way…"

"I NEVER LIKED YOU!!! I HATED YOU MORE THAN I HATED SPOTTEDLEAF!!" screamed Bluestar, jumping on Yellowfang viciously.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Spottedleaf, but everyone ignored her. They were too busy yowling "Fight, fight, fight!"

Bluestar poked Yellowfang in the eye. Yellowfang slapped Bluestar. Bluestar grabbed Feathertail's bat and hit Yellowfang with it. Yellowfang beat Bluestar in Rock, Paper, Scissors. Finally, after Bluestar beat Yellowfang 50 times with Feathertail's bat, even with the tail-of-feathers herself screaming at the leader to give her her Leafpool-beating stick back, Yellowfang died. "NOOO!!! MY LOVE!!!" screamed Raggedstar dramatically. Don't feel sorry for him, though, he was only trying to get attention.

After a very, very awkward silence, Redtail's voice echoed across the forest: "So… what did you call us here for, Bluestar?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot. I was just saying good morning." And with that, she walked off cheerfully… complete with bouncy piano music.

"Hey! Quit with the music, it's giving me a headache!" piped up Graypool irritably.

The beautiful piano faded into a bunch of random notes, and then Brindleface ran in dragging Snowkit by the paw. "Sorry, sorry! I lost track of Snowkit, and it looks like he got into the recording studio…"

"I am awesome! I will be the next Beethoven! Rock on!" screeched Snowkit.

"…We have a recording studio?" mewed Spottedleaf, confused.

Yellowfang appeared again, ignoring Raggedstar yelling joyful things and then bursting into song. "Recording studio? I can sing! Spottedleaf, let's go up there and create a Medicine Cat Band!"

"Yay!! We can call it… THE POPPY SEEDS!!! I play guitar!" Spottedleaf grabbed Yellowfang by the paw and they ran off to create their band.

When Raggedstar had stopped singing about miracles and joy, he paused. "Wait… why is Yellowfang back? I'm confused…"

Silverstream sighed. "Idiot. You can't kill a StarClan cat, they just come back to StarClan! That's where dead cats go!"

Feathertail squinted at her mother. "Where did you learn this?"

"…Around. Look, you get very depressed when your life's love is now replacing you with a kittypet, okay?!"

"Well, mine just replaced me with a Medicine Cat! And she broke up with him, can you believe it?! Idiot! That's why I attack her. Perhaps you should attack Millie…"

Silverstream's face lit up. "That's a great idea! I knew I raised you correctly!"

"Mom, you didn't raise me at all. You were dead already."

"Oh yeah." And with that, the two cats left to go to the baseball bat store, so that Silverstream could get her very own Millie-beating stick.

Again, all was silent. Then random guitar notes rang out, and someone yelled "Spottedleaf, no! You were not meant to do the head-banging thing!"

"Well…" Lionheart began.

"Well…?" Crookedstar looked at him.

"Well… LET'S PARTY!!! HIT IT MEDICINE CATS!!!" More random guitar notes played, and pathetic, horrible singing rang out through the forest of StarClan. Swiftpaw began discoing, until Stonefur covered his eyes and began sobbing. Then Swiftpaw slapped him. Tallstar pulled the two cats off of one another, then proceeded to walk it out. Sootfur tackled him. All was as it should be.

END OF CHAPTER ONE!

I hope you enjoyed it. More coming soon!