Music, wrestling. Music, wrestling. Music, wrestling. Those were the only thoughts that used to occupied my mind my entire day... until I met her.
I had seen her backstage for years, first in NXT, then in Raw, but I never talked to her. I didn't think it was necessary to do it. It was evident that she was the completely opposite to me. She always was wearing that side ponytail and the colorful attires that I used to thought were silly and immature, but that now inevitably make my smile. Wherever she went, she was all the time accompanied by some of her many friends whom now I believe doesn't deserve her presence and friendship, cause she is definitely too good for them. Maybe because she actually is. Too good for them, and definitely too good for me too. She is the type of girl whose smile could light up an entire room, and which sole presence could make life seem better. I'm the type of man whose only preoccupation is himself and his guitar. Well, it used to be like that...
It is funny how life can result. All those years she was nothing but the colorful and way to smiley girl who has inflatable tube men in her entrance. Now, she is the only person who can make me genuinely smile only with her presence.
When Kurt told me I was going to be my partner for the Mixed Match Challenge thanks to Joe injury,I didn't even know what to expect. I have never doubt of her talent. How could I? She is a former NXT and Raw women's champion, one of the first two women to have an iron man match (and won it), she has been a fundamental piece in the women's revolution, for God sake. Her undoubtedly talent wasn't what worried me. It was the fact that, for some reason, I didn't feel comfortable being with her.
She was excited to see that I was going to be her partner, and I don't blame her, having me as a partner was a gift from the gods, but I wasn't excited at all.
Being with her was an inusual experience. The few times I had been in the same room as her, her positivity and dynamism were perceptible. I wasn't comfortable, but I was curious about her... she seemed too pure, too good and kind for being in this cruel and competitive business.
When I saw her with that guitar in her hands, trying to learn some accords because she thought we needed to be "in the same page", it was the exact moment when I knew she was special. She was terrible at it, but her lack of talent was compensated by her enthusiasm. The first time I saw we trying to play a few accords, I completely ignore her. She seemed disappointed by my attitude, but it was the only thing I could do. I couldn't let her grow in me, I couldn't let her be close to me, if I did, I couldn't never let her go, and that was what I was afraid of. Nonetheless, she wasn't making it easy. The second time I saw her with that guitar she thought she actually knew how to play a few accords. She was wrong. I was about lo leave again, but her disappointment face made me realize how much of an asshole I was being. She was trying so hard and I kept blowing her away. She didn't deserve that. I regretted immediately treating her bad and I just showed her how to actually play that accord, and her pleased and happy face was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. That was the moment when I knew it. I knew it was too late for avoid developing feelings towards her.
She kept trying hard to make us a team. But since the guitar moment, I tried harder to limit our contact. I wasn't going to let her get to close to me. I wasn't what she needed, she wasn't what I deserved. She was too much for me. But I guess I made too apparent that I didn't want her around me, because she noticed, and when she realized, she felt more than offended. "You need me", she asserted to me when I ignore when she appeared with my merch in her hands. She was trying to show me that she supported me, because in her head we were already a team. I told her I didn't want to be bothered, that I needed to concentrate because I had to perform later that night, but this time she has had enough of my jerk attitude. "I don't think you realize how much you need me in this match. I'm a former NXT Women's Champion; I'm a former RAW Women's Champion. You need me!" And she was right. But what got me was that she thought I didn't want her as my partner because she wasn't good enough for me. I never doubted of her talent, how could I? It wasn't her talent what made me want to get away from her, for God sake, it was everything! Her hair, her smile, her personality, her passion, her willingness, her enthusiasm, everything in her was something I didn't deserve to have around me. But she was right, I needed her. She was my partner after all, and our match was getting close. We made a compromise with Americares, I told them we were going to win, so we needed to do it. That moment made me realize of another side of her I hadn't seen until that moment. I felt proud of her reaction. She stood up for herself. She demanded respect. She even said that she would do it with or without me, and she was right, she was strong enough to do it, but I would have never done that to her.
I found her eating popcorn and chips in the hallway, I once heard Sasha saying that she did that whenever she was upset. I started playing my guitar and tried to approach her calmly. I needed and wanted to apologize about my attitude towards her and my lack of excitement about us being a team. To my surprise, she was upset about rising her voice at me, because, in her words, it was out of character and out of line.
"I'm sorry", we expressed at the same time. She looked relieved and even happy, and that was enough for me. I wished her good luck on her match. She wished me good luck on my performance and then she said to me something it brought a smile to me face... "I always look forward to it". A referee interrupted the moment when he announced that her match was next. She left, no without first giving me one last smile. I watched her go and I couldn't help but beam at her; she was so sweet and kind, and I couldn't believe she was feeling upset and maybe even guilty after yelling at me when I absolutely deserved it. We were in the same page now.
After I received a brutal beating in l hands of Braun Strowman and having my back destroying a bass -thanks Braun- I was extremely disappointed and angry at myself. I always brag about how strong I am -because I really am- but this time I was the one who was destroyed, the one who lose, and I didn't know how to deal with that, except for the fact that I wanted to kill everyone that even dared to look at me. I humiliated myself in front of millions of people and, the worst thing of all, it's that it made me look weak. And that's something that Elias can't afford to do. I was mentally destroying myself when Mike Rome showed up at the worst possible moment to asked me an stupid question. I was trying to answer when she showed up... and she had my scarf. She actually took the time to go where my beating took place and recovered my scarf, and then she delivered to me. I asked her if she had seen what happened, and unfortunately she did. I thought she came for me, to see if I was okay. But then she reminded me that the next day we had an important match. I told her it was out of my hands, it was the doctor's choice to clear me out or not. I pushed the mic away from us because I didn't care about the interview anymore, it was all about her and me, and the fact that she was concerned about my wellbeing. She tried to touch my shoulder but I complained about the pain, she removed her hand but remain next to me. Giving me the best comfort she could give me, which is her presence next to me, because that was enough to make me feel better; she had that effect on me. In that moment I knew I didn't give a damn if the doctor cleared me out or not, I wasn't going to disappoint her, I was going to participate in that match being okay or not. I was going to do it for her.
We ended up losing the Mix Match Challange after being eliminated by Lana and Rusev. She took the pin, but I didn't complain about it because I didn't give a damn about losing, I was just upset about not being her tag team partner anymore. We were from two different worlds, which collided when they paired us together, but now everything was going to return to normal. She was going to be the friendly and kind girl who is friends with everybody. And I was continuing being the lonely musician who gets in trouble with the audience and some of the superstars for telling the truth in form of a song every night.
Things between us didn't continue in a friendly way, and it was mostly my fault... it was definitely my fault. I'm not the type of being friends after being involved, normally is only after physical encounters but his time was different. I didn't touched her, but she did touch something from me... my heart. When I discovered that, it was when I knew that things couldn't be the way there were before either. I didn't know what to say or how to act around her, I just knew I couldn't stop thinking about how much I missed her.
Now, while the second season of Mixed Match Challange is about to start, I get the news that I'm not even going to be in it. But she is, and this time she has a new partner, a better partner, a better wrestler, a better friend, a better man: Finn Balor. The guy that every girl in and outside the locker room dream about, and probably she does too. They have chemistry, they have a great communication and we all can see it. I hear the conversations in the halls of how good the look together and about how close they have been since NXT. I didn't feel jealous, I felt disgusted and disappointed because they were right, Balor was the right man for a girl like her, not me. She needed the knight and shining armor, not the bad wolf.
One night, after almost everyone were headed home, I saw them in a corner: he had his hands on her waist, she had her arms around his neck while he softly kissed her. That was the moment, that was the moment when I knew I lost her, but did I really lost her or I never had her? That is the question that will forever chase me, because as far as I know, she was never mine, I was never hers. We are now just two strangers who involuntary say hello to each other when we see each other in the hallways, even when I don't want to do it because she is walking next to him, holding his hand.
I don't care anymore, I made myself not care about her, about him, about what it could have been between us. Because I didn't lose her, I just never had her, and now I never will.