note: I don't own the characters only the plot.
Difficult Decisions
Miroku was sitting under the stars trying not to think at all. He had just all most lost the love of his life because of his stupidity. He couldn't help thinking back to earlier when it had all started.
They had heard about the village of daemon women and he just had to see them. Upon arriving it turned out to be a village of widowed women, he told himself at the time he was staying to "console" them and hope that one would take him up on his offer. Now he had to admit that it was in hopes of forgetting about "her" for even just a little while, she evoked feelings in him that he didn't know how to deal with and didn't really understand or want to.
He could hear his friends inside, Kagoma was yelling at Inuyasha for something he did to Shippo. The one voice didn't hear was the one he both hoped and dreaded to hear and that was the voice of his love, Songo. He couldn't believe that because of his foolishness he almost lost her for good. Despite his behavior he loved her with all his heart, sometimes he just did the things he did to get her attention.
He remembered the moment he heard she was in trouble and it was his fault, he felt his heart was braking. What would he do without her? He didn't always show it but she was very important to him and he couldn't imagine life without her.
Miroku had to admit that if anything had happened to Sango, especially because of him, he would have fallen apart. How could he avenge his father and grandfather if he wasn't even strong enough to protect her from himself?
Not for the first time he thought she might be better off without him, but he just couldn't leave her side. He loved her with all his heart, but until now he didn't realize just how much she loved him too.
He vowed to make it better, to show her just how he felt about her. He then went back into the hut with his friends to wait for his chance to show Songo how he felt.
Even when he was in with his friends he couldn't stop thinking about just how he felt when he was told that because of his actions with and towards the town women Songo had run off and got in trouble. He felt he heart was slowly being ripped out even now when he knew she was safe here with them. He didn't start feeling better till he had her in his arms and was assured that she was going to be fine; but the feeling was only temporary. His physical injures inflicted by her were nothing compared to the emotional injuries he inflicted on himself when he realized Songo got possessed because he had upset her so much that she had been reckless and gone into an unknown situation all by herself.
Even know hours after the thought of losing her mad him panic. He had to come up with a way to keep her by his side forever. The more he thinks, the more ideas he rejects till something occurs to him. He will ask her to marry him, he just hopes she will say yes, because if she doesn't he is unsure if he has the strength to stand by her and know that she will never be his.