For Kurt, a glee fanfic

My eyes are closed, but I can see everything. It is a beautiful day for a funeral. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, there is a slight breeze, and a sadness covering the church. .All of my friends and family are here. They sit quiet, waiting for the service to begin. They are sad and I just want to make them feel better, but I know I cannot.

The sun shines beautifully into the church from the stain glass window that is behind me. The church is decorated simple, but with taste. Simple red and yellow roses are placed throughout, along with framed pictures of myself during my life.

A simple piano medley begins playing and I glance over to see Brad seated at the grand piano with his head bowed. Everyone begins to settle into a church pew and I take the chance to look at everyone. My dad is seated next to Carol and grips her hand with what looks to be all of his might. He is already crying even though the service hasn't officially started. Finn is seated next to his mother with Rachel on his other side. They are all dressed in simple black outfits, and I want to compliment them on their fashion choices.

He's sitting on the opposite side of my father. His eyes are blank and his body is stiff. He's staring at the stained glass window. He is so beautiful. All I want is to gather him into my arms and keep him there forever and take away all of his sadness. However, I cannot, I am stuck here in this coffin.

The music slows to a stop and there is a soft applause. A man walks up to the podium. "Good afternoon," he begins, "Today, we are gathered to celebrate the life of Mr. Kurt Hummel. To begin, I would like to invite the New Direction, of which he was a member, to sing."

This is something I should have expected. All of my friends, except Blaine, slowly make their way to the front of the church. Mr. Shue stand by the microphone with a piece of paper. He takes a deep, shaky breath. "Kurt was a very valuable member of Glee club. His voice was breath-taking," Yes, yes, it was. "And his enthusiasm was contagious." He paused, "Kurt was not only an amazing team member, he was a once-in-a-lifetime friend. Kurt was always there for anyone of the people standing up here with me and that is what we would like to celebrate. So, this is for you, Kurt."

There is a slight pause before Brad begins to play a sad piece of music and his friends begin to hum along. The music picks up a little and Finn begins singing:

We were tight knit boys
Brothers in more then name
You would kill for me
And knew that I'd do the same
And it cut me sharp
Hearing you'd gone away

But everything goes away
Yeah everything goes away

But I'm going to be here until I'm nothing
But bones in the ground

The rest of his friends join in:

And I was there, when you grew restless
Left in the dead of night
And I was there, when three months later
You were standing in the door all beat and tired
And I stepped aside

Everything goes away
Yeah everything goes away
But I'm gonna be here until I'm nothing
But bones in the ground
So quiet down

A very teary-eyed Rachel steps forward. She looks devasted. I know this has to be hard for her. I was her best friends. She shuts her eyes tightly as she begins to sing the next part of the song by herself:

We were opposites at birth
I was steady as a hammer
No one worried 'cause they knew just where I'd be
And they said you were the crooked kind
And that you'd never have no worth
But you were always gold to me

And back when we were kids
We swore we knew the future
And our words would take us half way 'round the world
But I never left this town
And you never saw New York
And we ain't ever cross the sea

The rest of the New Directions join in:

But I am fine with where I am now
This home is home, and all that I need
But for you, this place is shame
But you can blame me when there's no one left to blame

Oh I don't mind

Finn finishes the song:

All my life
I've never known where you've been
There were holes in you
The kind that I could not mend

And I heard you say
Right when you left that day
Does everything go away?
Yeah, everything goes away.

But I'm going to be here 'til forever
So just call when you're around.

The song ends with my entire group of friends crying. I am genuinely very happy with the song they had picked because it wasn't the typical song anyone would hear at the funeral.

Once the New Directions take their seats, my dad steps up to the microphone. He looks around at everyone that came to mourn the death of his sun and sighs. "I never thought I would have to do this. You know, burying your wife sucks, but burying your kid is whole other kind of terrible." He takes a shaky breath before he continues, "I'm not too great with words, but I am going to try my best for Kurt. Oh, Kurt. You were always so full of life. Even when life would beat you down, you woke up every day with new optimism. I'm going to miss you walking into the kitchen every morning half asleep. You weren't pleasant in the mornings," Well, who would be pleasant at 6:30 in the morning? "but you were there…" He trails off for a moment as tears pool over in his eyes. I watch as his hands begin to shake, the reality of the situation rocking him to the core. "God. You were there and now you never will be again." I'll stay with you forever, Dad. "I will never hear your voice again as you sing loudly in the shower, or get frustrated because you cared about my health. I know you didn't believe in Heaven or God, Kurt, but I do and I believe in you. So, wherever you are, know that we all love you," I love you too. "And we would give anything to have you back." He finished his small speech almost incomprehensible because of how hard he was crying.

Dad shouldn't have to go through this. I just want to be there for him and to take away his grief. After a long pause, he speaks again, "Now, I know that, uh, Kurt was very special to you, Blaine." Kurt glances at Blaine in his seat shunned. Burt continues, "If you want, you can say something." He sits down and everyone is quiet for a moment before the love of his life makes his way to the microphone.

He looks at the crowd before he begins to speak, "I don't really have anything prepared, but I know that Kurt would scold me if I didn't speak," He giggled lightly. True. "Kurt was the greatest man that I have had the pleasure of knowing. He made me feel like the luckiest man in the world. I woke up everyday feeling like I could conquer anything as long as he was by my side." You can still conquer anything, even without me. "I am beyond angry about the fact that we will never get to grow old together like we had planned. We were supposed to get married, have kids, and even grandchildren. It was not supposed to end like this. Kurt deserved much more time than what he was given. He was supposed to get out of Lima and conquer New York City. I know that I will have to move on eventually because that is what Kurt would want." Yes, please move on. I wish that you wouldn't have to, but I just want you to be happy. "But for now, I am perfectly ok with not being ok." I just want you to be okay. "In the past few days, I have often wished that I were in his place. He deserves to live. Someone like him should never have been taken so soon, when they still had so much more to give to the world. The last words Kurt and I spoke to each other were, "I love you," and I am so grateful for that. I would never want him to think otherwise." How could I EVER think otherwise? "This is not goodbye, Kurt. We told each other that we would never say goodbye to each other. I know that you'll be watching over me until we can meet again, but until then, I love you," he finished with sobs wrecking his body. I love you too, Blaine, so much.

My dad rushes up to where Blaine was standing and engulfed him in a big bear hug. Once Blaine calmed down enough, he spoke again, "I would like to sing a song for Kurt, if that's alright." That is more than alright.

Burt clapped his hand on the broken-hearted boy's shoulder and said, "Of course you can, son." Blaine slowly made his way to the now abandoned piano and took a seat.

He paused a moment before he placed his fingers on the piano. "This is for you, Kurt. Thank you for being my teenage dream," He said with sadness still laced in his voice. I watched helplessly as he began to play:

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Blaine looked up in the direction of the sky. I know that Blaine believes in God and I am happy that he has the comfort in believing that he will see me again one day.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

I don't want you to rot, Blaine. I want you to live.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

This reminds me of Junior Prom when I was voted Prom Queen. Even though it scared him, Blaine had stood up for me. He was always there for me and now I will never be physically there for him again.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

And I won't die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

You are my home, Blaine.

The song ends and Blaine has never looked worse. His hair is starting to free itself from the hair gel and his face is stained with tears. He still looks beautiful to me though. He goes back to his seat, still crying and the rest of the service continues.

It is filled with his friends and family sharing their favorite memories of him. Rachel talks about their trip to New York City and them breaking into the Gershwin Theatre. Finn tells the story of Kurt helping him at the beginning of Quinn's pregnancy. Mercedes goes into great detail about the sleepover they had the night that Kurt and Blaine had gotten together and how happy Kurt was. Even Sue Sylvester says that Kurt would have done great things and it was such a shame that Porcelain was gone too soon.

I watched as the church emptied quickly once the service ended. My dad stood with Carol and Finn at the door and thanked everyone for coming.

Blaine had sat still in his seat until the majority of the people had left. He walked over to the casket where I lay and rested his hand on top. He was quiet for a moment before he completely broke down. His body was wrecked with sobs that overtook him and brought him to his knees. "This isn't fair," he sobs. No it's not. "Why you, Kurt? Huh? Why you?" I don't know. "I just want to hold you one more time, one more…" He trailed off as he continued sobbing. I don't know how to make this better for you, Blaine.

I watched as my Dad slipped back into the back of the church. He saw Blaine and quickly made his way to him. He sat next to him on the ground next to me and hugged him tight. "I love you, Blaine. So, so, so much," Burt began to cry. "I love you like a son. Kurt loved you, too," Well, duh. "He never stopped talking about you. And I want you to know that you are still welcome at our house whenever you need."

Blaine remained quiet for a long time before he spoke again. "How did you do it?" He whispered. My dad looked at him with a questioning look but I knew what he was talking about. "How did you move on when his mom died?"

Burt took a deep breath. "At first, I didn't. I turned into a zombie. But one day, near Christmas, Kurt was decorating a make-shift Christmas tree with Elizabeth's perfume bottles. That's when I realized that I needed to get through it for him." Burt paused as Blaine processed the story. He continued, "And that's how we're going to get through this now. We may not have him anymore, but we have each other and our friends and families and none of them will ever take his place, but we need to get through this—for Kurt."