A Complicated Emotion
It made sense to her to live with Marlin and Nemo. But then again, to her, few things didn't.
It didn't take long for Dory to get used to living in the reef. After Marlin taught her how to go inside the anemone without hurting herself (and made sure she would remember it), everything else fell easily into place. She helped swim Nemo to school, played with the neighborhood kids, and kept the older clownfish company while Nemo was out.
To her, it felt as if she had always lived there. Not that she could remember living anywhere else.
She had lived a nomadic life for years before coming to the reef. It was by necessity rather than choice; she would find herself having forgotten where she had made her home, or otherwise had simply been told by other fish that she was not welcome. Her short-term memory-loss made her undesirable in the eyes of most fish.
But then she met Marlin. She could still remember how they had slammed into each other on the highway, where Marlin had been franticly asking anyone if they had seen the boat that had taken his son.
That was another thing she loved about living in the reef – simply remembering. She still occasionally forgot things, naturally, but now she remembered just as often. She could remember conversations from days before, focus long enough to help Nemo with his homework, and even leave the anemone without having to take someone with her to lead her back.
And she never, ever forgot Marlin's name.
Truly, she owed everything to Marlin. If it hadn't been for him, she would still have been wandering the ocean floor instead of embarking on the adventure of a lifetime to find his son.
Though the clownfish had frequently expressed his displeasure throughout the journey, Dory had enjoyed it. Meeting the vegetarian sharks, riding the E.A.C., escaping the fishing net – she saw it as one big adventure to be had, no matter how much Marlin complained.
Of course, not everything had been so fun. She still remembered when Marlin had tried to convince her to leave because he felt she was delaying him, and how he tripped over his words when she started crying. She had faint images of being stung to unconsciousness in the jellyfish forest, and how guilty Marlin had looked when he saw her scars.
But worst of all was that part.
Nigel had returned them to the harbor. They had finally made it all the way to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, only to see Nemo dead in a plastic bag.
And Marlin wanted to abandon her again.
Marlin was silent as she approached him. The water in the harbor was murky, sickly green – befitting, given what they had seen in the dentist's office.
Dory inched up to him, unsure of what she was going to say. "Hey – "
"Dory…" he said to her, looking away from her, "If it wasn't for you, I…I never would have made it this far. So thank you."
He began to swim away. "Hey-hey, wait a minute," Dory said, dashing in front of him. "Wait! Where are you going?"
"It's over, Dory." Marlin said somberly. "We were too late. Nemo's gone…and I'm going home."
"No-no you can't…" the regal blue tang pleaded. Marlin kept swimming away. "Stop!"
The clownfish stopped, but he did not turn around.
"Please don't go away. Please?" Words began to tumble out of her mouth, but every single one was filed with more sadness than she had ever felt. "No one's ever stuck with me for so long before, and if you leave…" I'll be along again, she wanted to say, but she couldn't accept that reality. "I just, I remember things better with you. I do! Look – P. Sherman 42 – " Dory faltered, closing her eyes and pressing her fins against her head. What was that last part? "Forty – Two – " she sighed frustratedly. " I remember it, I do, it's there, I – I know it is because when I look at you – I can feel it, and I – I look at you, and I – " She paused as she felt tears forming at the edges of her eyes. "I'm home."
Marlin said nothing.
"Please," she begged tearfully, "I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget…"
"I'm sorry, Dory," Marlin whispered, "but I do."
If Dory had ever been so certain about something in her memory-loss addled life, it had been those seven words: I look at you, and I'm home.
She had never felt so lost than when she swam in circles around the buoy's chain. She was crying, but she couldn't remember why. She had lost someone, but she had no idea who it was.
She was heartbroken, but it was beginning to seem as if she had been that way forever.
When they returned to the reef, she pondered why she had reacted so strongly to Marlin's departure. She had been left behind to many times before; why had that time been so different?
It was as if being with Marlin changed everything; as if he made things worth remembering; as if she wouldn't mind if they were the only two fish in the entire ocean.
It was about more than just wanting to remember; it was about wanting to belong.
When she found her answer, she thought back to something Marlin had said when they had tried to leave her the first time: "No, of course I like you! It's because I like you that I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated…emotion."
Dory didn't know what emotion he had felt then, but she hoped it was the beginning of the one she had discovered she felt now: love.
Yes, she loved Marlin. She loved that grumpy, overprotective clownfish who had literally crashed into her life less than a week ago.
And she knew that no matter what happened, she would never forget that.