The Space Between by asesina

Disclaimer: I don't own SN. CW and Kripke are the lucky ones who do.

A/n: Set after Sam and Dean's conversation and decision to split up in episode 2 of season 5. Mild spoilers.

Note: this is in Sam's POV. He realizes that Dean has to save the world, but he still wants to be accepted and trusted by his big brother.

Partly inspired by the Dave Matthews Band Song "The Space Between":

"…These fickle fuddled words confuse me

Like 'will it rain today?'

We waste the hours with talking, talking

These twisted games we're playing..."

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We're just wasting our words.

There is too much unsaid, too many unfinished sentences and averted glances.

We are broken.

I could explain it again. I could rephrase it and turn my words carefully in my mouth, grimacing as I spit out those metallic, bloody admittances of fear and despair.

You don't hear any of it.

I watch your eyes shift impatiently as I apologize profusely. You look to the right and avoid my gaze yet again, dodging my admissions and emotions that have been laid bare before you.

Dean, I want this to work, but I'm afraid.

I distrust myself almost as much as you distrust me, and it hurts. I try to explain why should be apart, but I know that you are already distant.

Your green eyes wander up to look at the sky and they travel absentmindedly, almost emptily, across the horizon.

Dean, please look at me.

I know the world's ending. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I just want you to listen to me.

I thought that I would always be by your side, but things have changed.

I've changed.

And, apparently, so have you.

I swallow hard to avoid tears when you agree that we should be apart.

I expected you to protest, to offer your protection and guidance unconditionally…

Like you used to do.

I shouldn't be surprised. I frighten myself and I undoubtedly frighten and alarm you.

I just didn't think you would say it like that.

In an instant, you are someone else. Your eyes are steely and your mouth is set in a firm line. I can tell that you are on a mission, and I don't want to interfere.

Even as I walk away, I want to hear…

"Sammy"

…one last time.

I want to be needed. I want you to forgive me, Dean.

In the end, however, I know that you will never look at me in the same way.

Your eyes are dull when you glance at me one last time as I head over to the Impala to get my bag.

I walk in a straight line, never meandering from my appointed course.

I walk towards an unknown future, towards a destiny that I will no longer fight.

You have your path, Dean. Please do what you have to do.

Save the world.

I pause for a moment and I wish-

No, it will never happen.

I wish that you would smile and me and say, "to hell with the world. I only need you, Sammy".

I blink back tears and keep on walking. I choose to settle for a slow, half-hearted, "Take care of yourself, Sam".

End

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