Finn Hudson, We Know you're Gay
A/N: Oh, this will be a very crack heavy fic. This was made purely for entertainment. Enjoy, and I hope I don't kill you with this. I am not liable for any deaths caused by reading this! Oh, and I don't own Glee!
Ships: Karofsky/Azimo, Kinn, Kurt/Sam, and St. Fuckurt Dumblesquid (Don't ask, you'll get it once you read) SLIGHT Brittana and a pairing at the end that will surprise you (maybe more than one)
Warning: MAJOR levels of slash. Like so much slash you'll be seeing rainbows. Also it's not incest if it is your step brother. Keep that in mind. I am not liable if you die reading this.
Words: 3,130
Rating: Light-R for language, slight sexual Content, and extreme levels of crack
Note: In this fic Burt built an upstairs bedroom for Finn, and Mercedes is dating Matt.
They knew Finn Hudson was into kissing boys. It became all the more obvious to them when he joined Nude erections –Oh, sorry, New Directions. And even though as of right now Kurt Hummel (that little showtunes loving freak) was his step-brother, Finn still liked him, and in more than a brotherly way. David Karofsky and Glenn Azimo were sure of it. And not just because they were jocks who liked to pick on those in Glee Club (Even though they did like to do that, among other things – as a couple) but they were sure of it because they were madly in love, and they were pretty sure they could tell when two boys were madly in love.
That was one of the reasons they hated Glee club. They didn't need an outlet to sing cheesy love songs about other dudes. They thought it was stupid. Prancing around and whatnot, you don't need to do that shit to be in love with another dude.
Never the less, that was Kurt, Finn, oh and that pain Sam's (they had to do something about him if they wanted Kurt and Finn to work) style.
Karofsky and Azimo decided that night while snuggled by the fire at Azimo's place that they must get Kurt and Finn together. Because they knew Finn Hudson was gay, and they also knew Noah Puckerman was bisexual, but that was another matter.
"Night, bro." Kurt said to Finn before walking back down to the basement, and climbing into bed for what he thought was going to be a peaceful night of sleep.
In Kurt's dreams he was at an aquarium with Finn; they were standing outside of the giant squid tank, and for whatever reason Finn was holding a copy of Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban for some odd reason, but Kurt's subconscious did not question, and it didn't question why he was holding his stepbrother's hand.
Suddenly Jesse St. James and Noah Puckerman walked in arm and arm, smiling, and then inching closer and closer, until their lips touched in an insanely passionate French kiss that lasted well over a minute.
"Let's do that!" Finn said enthusiastically, and then he practically mouth-raped Kurt's face. Kurt honestly didn't complain, but then the thought came to him "We are practically related!" Then Kurt quickly pulled away, and slapped Finn on the head with that Harry Potter book, and then dropped it to the ground.
Suddenly green smoke surrounded the book, the smoke floated about ten feet high, and nearly touched the ceiling. When the smoke died down violently the figure of Dumbledore appeared.
Jesse, Puck, Kurt, and Finn all stared dumbfounded at Dumbledore who just magically appeared right out of the book's pages.
"Yes, I'm Dumbledore, and I think all of you boys are extremely attracted." Now Kurt really wished to wake up, but was trapped in his subconscious.
"I find all of the men in this room hot." A deep mysterious voice said.
"Dude, did that squid just talk?" Finn's expression was priceless. His mouth was so wide open it looked like it could touch the floor and his eyes were double their normal size.
"Don't be stupid, Finn!" Kurt slapped Finn's ass after that stupid comment.
"No, Hummel, the squid seriously talked." Puck said with a 'duh' face.
"Yes, I did talk." The squid had a bit of a superior tone when he spoke to the insignificant humans.
"Orgy!" Puck shouted out like an excited child in a candy store, but then to Puck any sex was candy.
By the end of the dream Kurt was naked and cuddling in Finn's arms on one side, and Jesse's on the other.
Then that is when the alarm woke Kurt Hummel from his bizarre and erotic dream. Kurt surprisingly enjoyed the dream, even though it creeped him out at first, but then he felt a pang of guilt… Sam wasn't in the dream.
"Finn, we need to have a little talk." Karofsky said to Finn in the hallway, with his man Azimo right behind him.
"What is it this time?" Finn threw up his arms, and if there was a chair there he would have kicked it.
"Hudson, we know you're into boys. That Rachel chick ain't fooling us. Sure you slept with Santana, but I have slept with her!" Azimo had a bit of a gleam in his eyes. Torturing gleeks (especially with the truth) with Karofsky was such a huge turn on. They probably would need to have a meeting in the janitor's room later on.
"This again? Just leave me the hell alone! I'm going to class now." Finn turned away, but Karofsky and Azimo followed him down the hallway, and had him cornered now.
"Hudson, we aren't going to torture you if you are into fucking dudes. We just want you to be open."
"I don't get it…" Finn mumbled.
"Finn Hudson, we know you're gay." Azimo pushed Finn a little bit.
"Finn, if you opened up your true feelings we wouldn't be pushing you around. That is unless you start acting girly. 'Cause real gays don't act girly." Azimo nodded at Karofsky's last sentence, and there may or may not have been a loving look. Finn couldn't tell.
"Do you want to fight me or what?" Finn said, he was still very confused.
"We're gonna give you one week." Karofsky said walking away.
"And by that time you best be dating Kurt!"
"Sam," Kurt took a deep breath while holding hands with his boyfriend in the hallway.
"Babe, what is it?" Sam looked into Kurt's eyes and gave him a reassuring look.
"I had a dream last night… It was weird. Anyway, in this dream I was with four other boys, and a sea creature. "Kurt then went and explained the dream, not quite in detail, but still most of what happened.
Sam giggled a bit. "Did you eat any cheese before you went to bed?"
"You know that cheese is bad for my complexion!"
"Well, I wouldn't read too much into that dream. It was just a dream, and this is reality." Sam leaned in for a kiss, and Kurt let him capture his lips, but then Sam pushed him against the locker, but Kurt stopped him at that.
"Not in the hallway." Kurt looked over his shoulder and saw a Janitor's closet near.
Kurt took Sam by his shirt collar and dragged him into the closet.
"Uh, Kurt… We're not alone." Sam whispered into his ear.
Kurt turned around and saw Karofsky and Azimo shirtless (that was a mental image he didn't want) and going at it hard.
Karofsky heard the intruders and immediately stopped kissing on his chocolate man.
"I guess Sam and I aren't the only gay couple in the school…" Those were the only words that could escape Kurt's mouth.
"Say another word and I am kicking your fancy ass, Hummel." Karofsky threatened as he grabbed his banana republic shirt and threw it back on.
"So I'm not the only –"Sam was cut off by the death glare coming from Azimo.
"Listen, yeah, Azimo and I are into fucking each other, but we aren't like you guys. We may be gay for each other, and in love, but we don't have to go around singing songs about it, and wearing freak clothes."
"I don't wear freak clothes!" Sam insisted. "And Kurt's clothes aren't freaky, they are designer, and that looks sexy on him."
A smile creeped up on Kurt's face, and then he focused on Azimo and Karofsky who both had their shirts and jackets back on.
"No one can know. I am a football player, and Karofsky is on the hockey team. We are on different rings of the social ladder. So, this is our little secret."
Sam and Kurt nodded, but they were being liars. There is no way they could keep this secret, it was just too good! All they had to do was make sure the news didn't make its way to Rachel.
There was an awkward silence, then Kurt opened the door; all of the gay boys walked out of the closet together (even though still were still in 'the closet') and then Brittany and Santana walked in, and Santana gave them a bitchface. It basically said "Say anything. You die."
Later that day the locker room was busy. For some reason, Coach Sylvester, Coach Tanaka, and Coach Albertson (the hockey coach) all scheduled practice at the same time.
Karofsky and Azimo thought that they were the last ones in there but they were wrong. And Finn Hudson was in for a surprise.
"Treat me like I'm that Hummel kid! HARDER...REMEMBER HOW GAY I AM AND HOW ANGRY THAT MAKES YOU!" Finn heard Azimo moan…
"You want to be treated like Kurt?" Karofsky had rage in his tone. "How is this for being treated like a bad gay?" Then Finn was pretty sure he heard a moan, slap, and a scream.
For some strange reason something in Finn was curious to what was going on in the showers. So he quietly walked near the showers. He stood around the corner and peaked in.
Finn would never admit it out loud, but he was kind of turned on by what he saw; Karofsky humping on Azimo. Lots of kinky slapping and movements.
Finn couldn't stop watching. Okay, maybe he was gay. Shit! What was he going to tell Rachel? He felt she would probably understand, you know, having two dads and all.
"KUUURT!" Finn called when he got home. "I need to talk to you!"
Kurt didn't reply, so Finn did the logical thing and went down to the basement where you could usually find him.
Kurt wasn't there.
Finn was sure that it was his Navigator in the driveway, unless it was some stranger's Navigator, so maybe Sam took him somewhere or something. Finn just didn't know, so he headed to his room.
And that is where he saw Kurt. Oh, and Sam.
"Yes! Take your shirt off, or I'll do it for you!" Kurt begged while lying down under Sam on Finn's bed.
Sam let his eyes unlock from Kurt's and began to slowly remove his shirt, and that is when he noticed Finn. That is when Sam slowly slid his shirt back on.
Finn realized he had the world's worst timing; yet again he was turned on by what he was seeing, and he may even have been a bit jealous.
"Um, I think I'm going…" Sam said awkwardly, and gave Kurt a kiss on the cheek. "See you tomorrow. Oh, good practice Finn, I'll catch you tomorrow, too man."
Once Sam was gone, and Kurt regained his composer Finn sat on his bed next to Kurt.
"Kurt, I need to talk to you. Remember last year when you tried to turn me gay?"
"I did not try and turn you gay. It was a stupid fantasy world, puppy love crush! Why are you bringing this up?"
"Dude, I think I'm becoming gay. Like for real."
This was a major facepalm moment for Kurt. He actually buried his face in his hands for a moment.
"Finn, you don't become gay or turn gay…"
"I jerked off watching Karofsky and Azimo in the showers today after practice. Did you know they were together?"
Kurt sat there in stunned silence. "Um, no I didn't know that…"
"And when I saw you and Sam, I got turned on and jealous! I think I wanted to be Sam!"
"Did you just say you want to make out with me?" Kurt was now even more shocked than he was at the start of this conversation. Last year he would have killed for this. But now it felt weird. "We are step-brothers, Finn. I have a boyfriend, and you are dating Rachel."
Finn didn't care. He grabbed Kurt forcefully pushed him down on the bed and began to kiss the smaller boy with wet hungry kisses.
"It's not incest if it is your step-brother." Finn said reassuringly.
Kurt gave in and didn't fight as Finn began to kiss down his neck. And slowly unbutton the blue dress shirt Kurt put on after Cheerio practice. Finn kissed down Kurt's chest after every button he undid, and Kurt slowly slid the shirt off once Finn got it unbuttoned. Finn reached for Kurt's skinny jean's button, but Kurt smacked his hand away.
"What, I thought you liked it?" Finn said with a bit of a smirk. Then for a moment Finn realized what he said. He just admitted he wanted to do it with a guy – his step brother – Kurt.
"Listen, Finn, this is really flattering, but I just can't I'm not going to have my first time be with one, my step brother; two, someone I'm not dating; and three, a one night stand. Sorry, I can't cheat on Sam more than I already have."
Kurt got up, grabbed his now wrinkled shirt off the floor, and walked out of Finn's bedroom down to the basement.
"Rachel, I'm gay." Finn told Rachel the next afternoon at lunch.
"WHAT?" Rachel spit out her water when Finn said that. He was just joking, right? And if he was, then for the sake of her gay dads Rachel would be offended.
"No, Rach' it's nothing personal, but I made out with Kurt last night - he's a good kisser by the way, and that is when I finally decided I like boys."
"Finn… Wait, did you say Kurt? You made out with your brother? That is sick, Finn!"
"He is my step brother! So it's not like incents or whatever."
"So you cheated on me, with a boy, who is your step brother, and he also happens to have a boyfriend? You know what, Finn? I am glad I'm breaking up with you! Go be gay, just be sure to have pride! Or you'll be doing my dads shame!"
"Whoa," Puck said while walking by Finn and Rachel's little couple table. "Did you just say Finn was gay?"
"Hush it, Noah." Rachel's look of sadness and mourning for the relationship she just ended turned into one of pure rage.
"Is she telling the truth here, Finn? Are you into dudes?"
Finn nodded. "She wants me to be proud, and I think Kurt does too, so here I am world! I like kissing boys!"
"Finn, dude, I don't care if you're gay... I'm glad. I've been meaning to tell you. I'm bisexual; I've been dating Jesse St. James."
"I thought he went to UCLA." Rachel said, never mind that Finn was gay and possibly in love with his step brother, but her two other exes dating? That was a little too much to comprehend.
"Yeah, but he dropped out. He said that he came back for me. Once you have a taste of the Puckzilla sex shark; you can't give Puckerone up!"
Finn lost interest in the conversation going on between Puck and Rachel, so he went to find Kurt.
"KURT HUMMEL! I LOOOVE YOU! AND MORE THAN IN A BROTHERLY WAY!" Finn shouted when he reached the table where Kurt, Sam, Mercedes, Matt, Artie, and Tina sat. "You are so hot! Fucking sexy! An amazing kisser! I looove you!"
Kurt sat there still, and his face was in shock. He had no words, but he was extremely mortified.
Sam had no clue what was going on, but felt like he might need to prepare to fight Finn, one of his best friends.
Mercedes shot Kurt a look saying "You have one man now, why is Finn going after you? You didn't start your thing with him again…?"
Matt and Tina just sat there not wanting to get involved in any drama.
It was Artie who spoke up. "So, Kurt, what does it feel like to have two boys and all the girls in Glee Club in love with you?"
Kurt didn't reply.
"Kurt, what do you want from me? I want us to work! I dumped Rachel, so I'm sure you can dump Sam."
"Us? Kurt, what aren't you telling me?" Sam looked very upset with Kurt. He couldn't even look Kurt in the eyes.
"Sam, last night after you left…" Kurt was feeling extremely guiltier with each word he spoke. "I cheated on you. With Finn."
"It's true." Finn added, and then gave Kurt a kiss on the back of his neck.
"Sam, just dump the boy's ass!" Azimo said walking over to the table with Karofsky in the lead.
"Yeah, Kurt and Finn were meant to be." Karofsky smiled.
"They are so endgame!"
"It's true love, like ours!"
"Wait, Dave, did you just say you loved me out loud, and in public? What about us being on different sides of the track?"
"I don't care that I'm hockey any you are football, Glenn. I am in love with you. You are the cocoa puffs to my milk!"
"We mixing them together tonight?"
"You know it! We are meeting in my tent outside the woods."
The football player and the hockey player shared an open embrace.
That motivated Finn who got down on one knee, and smiled looking up at Kurt.
"Kurt, I love you! Marry me!"
"What… I don't even. For one, It is illegal; two, I am still dating Sam; and three, YOU. ARE. MY. STEP. BROTHER."
"No, Kurt, you aren't dating me anymore… It's obvious that you and Finn have some unresolved issues." Sam got up and left the table to go find somewhere else to sit. Hey, Rachel looked lonely, and he was sure she would know what was going on with him, seeing that she was dating the boy that Kurt was obviously more in love with.
"Fine, I won't marry you, but, will you kiss me?" Finn asked while taking the spot where Sam sat. Finn put his left arm around Kurt's shoulders and leaned into him."C'mon, please?"
Kurt gave in, and passionately attacked Finn in a kiss.
2 weeks later:
This time for real Finn and Kurt went to the aquarium, and Jesse and Puck also happened to be there.
Karofsky and Azimo weren't there; they were in Karofsky's tent in the woods making passionate love, and then the next morning they ate milk and cocoa puffs.
Inside the tank where the squid was there was a Dumbledore blowup doll. The squid was in love with the doll, and cuddled it every night.
Rachel and Sam were still single, and started hanging out with Brittany and Santana (who were dating, but unlike the boy couples wouldn't admit it)
Will was secretly pining for Finn the whole time, and is aching for the day Finn turns eighteen, and then breaks up with Kurt.