Avatar: The Last Airbender

Hidden Chapter: Crazy

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It was disconcerting to have seen the capitol of an entire country fall to a force consisting mainly of its own secret police, a young tea shop employee and three teenaged girls. It was worse, at least for Sokka, to try imagining the ramifications of it.

There's still an Earth Kingdom army out there, and a force of Earthbenders might have some luck once they're in the city, but it'll still take time to coordinate. Plus the Dai Li has influence over everything else that happens, too, and if Azula is in charge of them she can call the shots directly, unfortunately for us. Our only real victory was getting the Earth King out, but the enemy could lie about that. They control the flow of information. I can just imagine a hundred Joo Dees patrolling the streets and telling everyone that things are going great…

He was sitting on a patch of dried clay next to Appa, holding up his political map and making corrections. Ba Sing Se had to have its square-in-a-circle flag replaced by a flame emblem. Come to think of it, the whole city should be switched from green to red. No, the whole region. The continent.

Sokka pressed one palm into the reddish dust, then powdered it over the entire hemisphere, including the territorial waters. Then he colored the other ocean, some neutral islands, and the undefended parts of the polar regions as well. This had made a new, more accurate map, and it looked like the world was on fire.

He tore it to shreds, spitting and cursing. It's my fault. I didn't have one good idea. I didn't help at all. Maybe he should leave the group. Maybe he was holding them back. I can't hold my own against benders or the pressure. I don't know what happened to Suki, I didn't even think of how we were going to take down the drill…

Getting to his feet was hard. He stumbled, finding that his legs shook with the effort. "I should just lay down and die…"

"You'd like to get that much rest in, wouldn't ya Snoozles?"

Crap. Toph was here and he'd forgotten about it completely. "Mind your own, tiny." He cast a glance at Appa's back, where she was curled up on a swirl of long fur from under the saddle line. "I'm gonna go walk around the perimeter."

"We have a perimeter?" Toph stretched her arms lazily. "I thought our perimeter was wherever we weren't happening to get attacked."

"And to keep it that way, I'm going to go patrol… those non-attacky areas. So there." Sokka rubbed his eyes. Maybe he'd check on Katara and Aang and that freaky bear-thing at the nearby town. Surely the world's best Earthbender could feed their ride by herself before falling asleep.

"Make sure you come back."

Sokka was about to dismiss this advice out of hand, but got hung up on it when he considered the source. "Wait, what are you talking about 'come back?' Where else am I going to go?"

Toph shrugged. "Could be… anywhere. Anywhere you can get. I don't think you'll be picky when you decide to run away."

This was a convenient excuse to turn his fear into anger and redirect some of his self-loathing at the irritating girl. He was almost thankful. "I don't run when I meet up with problems! I'm just gonna go for a walk!" That she didn't look at him when he talked made him even angrier. He'd have liked to be able to throw retorts right at her face.

"Hey, sure. Say what you have to. But I know what you were thinking."

His disgust made him forget that it might bother Appa to climb his fur by grabbing handfuls of it and pulling himself up. "And how is it you figure you know what I was thinking?!"

Toph's expression surprised him. Instead of her normal, relaxed, world-weary face she was a bit red. Actually, she was blushing. "I know, okay? Or don't you remember that time I ran off?"

In all fairness, he had forgotten about that, but he wasn't about to let the facts get in the way of a good argument. "You don't know what I'm feeling, understand? You don't know anything about…"

She crossed her arms and shut her eyes. "I can hear your nerves rattling. They're shot. Relax or something." Displaying more patience with him than he'd have guessed her capable of, she patted a comfy-looking nook in the flying bison's gently rising and falling shoulder. "Rest or you'll burn out."

"I don't wanna think about things burning." After a moment's pause, he forgave her and collapsed onto Appa face-down, groaning. "We lost, Toph."

"I know."

"I'm not giving up or anything, but…"

"You were thinking about it. It happens." She rolled on her stomach so that they were right next to each other, then kicked him in the shin with a dirty foot. Not hard, but in a chastising way. "I thought you knew that everybody gets scared sometimes."

"I don't hafta like it!" He wiggled his nose. Maybe he was developing a fur allergy. Maybe he was just tired of living on an animal that had an inevitably huge number of dust mites for passengers. Why couldn't they ride a dragon? Dragons didn't have fur. Avatar Roku must have thought of that at some point. If only they had the time to learn what they needed to learn, like him, instead of rushing. "And you don't need me anymore. I'd probably be more useful with the rest of my tribe."

"I'm not gonna say things just to make you feel better about yourself," she sighed in a fashion more jaded than most twelve year-olds could muster. "If you're not up for it, then you're not. But I don't think you're ready to quit yet."

If only I could be sure she was right. They relaxed for a spell, with Sokka watching the fireflies begin to come out and drift between the trees, ghostlike. "It could be worse, I guess. I could be dead."

"That's just what I was thinking." He didn't imagine that anything was wrong with her saying this, but Toph seemed in a hurry to amend it. "About myself, I mean. That I'm not dead. I've been wondering about it since that kid died. Uh, Jet."

Sokka didn't have much pity to spare for Jet, who had been willing to go to horrifying extremes to achieve his ends – but he did know it wasn't entirely Jet's fault. If he had been orphaned and forced to fight from such a young age, wouldn't he be a different person? So he was at least able to realize that the boy's death was a shame and a waste, like so much else in this war. "It's not dying that we need to be afraid of. It's failure. If we mess up, worse things are going to happen than people losing their lives. They'll be enslaved. Oppressed. The Fire Nation puts people into forced labor camps, you know. Even if they're not prisoners of war. And especially if they're benders."

With a tilt of her head, Toph narrowed her eyes, concentrating. Maybe it was a habit everyone had when they were trying to focus, because it wasn't as though this would let her see anything more clearly. "I guess now I know why my parents wanted to keep me shut up in our house."

"Good people always wanna keep other people safe." Sokka rubbed his own forehead idly where the mark of wisdom had once been painted. "It's a headache waiting to happen. I'm beginning to think that having a conscience is more trouble than it's worth."

"If that's how you really feel – and I know where you're coming from – why not quit? The Fire Nation isn't going to conquer the South Pole for a long time. You'd probably live the rest of your life out in peace and quiet." Toph scratched her ear thoughtfully, not quite able to picture this. "Well, as quiet as someone as loud as you can be. You've probably enough good that your life doesn't need to be in danger anymore, right? So you can go be loud at home."

He ignored the personal shots and considered things. It was not an easy question, but he had asked it to himself before. "I'm going to die someday, anyway. I might as well do as much work as possible, first. Don't want to leave a bunch of unfinished business. If I did leave the crew, I'd only go fight the same fight somewhere else."

"That's exactly how I feel." Toph covered her face with her arms. At first he thought she was just settling in to relax more, and that their conversation was done, but her muffled voice was insistent. "Hey, Sokka?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't think it was you."

He didn't understand what that meant, and related as much in his typical fashion. "Huh?"

"I guessed I couldn't stop thinking about you because you were one of the first people I met. It made sense to me. I've been sheltered, right?" He was having trouble hearing her.

For someone who was almost never meek, she was being awfully shy, and he kind of understood why. It wasn't easy to tell people how much you'd come to care about them. "But that's not it," she said, "It's all you. You're so… good. I think I understand you. That never happened to me before, or with anyone else. It's weird."

Toph's hands were in fists so tight they'd gone entirely white. He laid a palm on one of them and it loosened just a bit. She went on. "I worry about you all the time. I need to keep you where I can watch out for you, because we could die, and I could never have told you…" She had a dry mouth, making it hard to talk. Odd how fighting for your life might not do that while confessing something like this could. "… how crazy you make me."

He laughed, then cut himself off. Her meaning was different than what he'd taken it for. It wasn't an insult. It was the highest form of praise. "Wait a minute, do you mean…"

She was so fast. Before he knew it he was tumbling off of Appa. At first he thought she'd pushed him, but it became clear that she was with him, hugging him so hard they'd fallen from their places. He landed on his back, but the ground didn't seem to want to hurt him. She'd made it soft. Gentle.

"Don't leave," she ordered, voice cracking in a way he'd never heard from her before. "Don't. Because if you do, I'll have to follow you, and then where would we be? I'd do that, for you." She wasn't crying, or weak. In fact, she was being protective and showing the full force of her personality. Her strong arms had him around the middle and weren't letting him go.

There were so many things he thought of, all at once. So much conflict. Suki. What his sister would tell him to say now. The constant peril they were all in. The watchful moon. How dark the world seemed, even with the stars and fireflies all around them. Their cause, which so many people must think was lost because they couldn't see it or hold it in their hands. It made him dizzy.

But he hugged Toph back. At least she was solid, and real, and he knew what he had to do. "You're damn right I'm not going anywhere. Apparently things would fall apart without me."

"Good."

There was a long pause where he appreciated how warm she was, and how small. All he wanted to do was keep his arms around her, where he knew she was safe, at least for now. How could he not have seen it? How could he not have understood?

"I'm serious, you know. You've made me so crazy I never know what I might do."

"Thanks." Not so long ago, he couldn't have imagined this scene. Now he didn't want to think about anything else. However, he couldn't feel his extremities. "Hey, uh, I appreciate the affection and all, but you're kind of cutting off my circulation."

"Oh." She loosened her tight grip and stood, then touched her mussed hair self-consciously. "Yeah. Um, let me help you up."

Toph reached out to assist him, and reflexively began to let go once he was standing, but he kept hold of her hand. He held it while taking Appa's reins, and they began to walk together towards the nearby creek. "Well, we'd better get the chores done. Come on."

She still had that shake in her voice when she talked, though now he thought he could hear some excitement in it, which she was fighting to suppress. In fact, he wouldn't have been so sure she was anxious if her fingers weren't trembling against his. "You have soft hands."

"Yours are really strong," he answered, feeling that her palm was as hard as a stone.

They smiled. Sure, it was the reverse of what a boy and girl would usually say to each other while holding hands, but that wasn't the point. After a little ways, Sokka let their fingers lock together, too in a way that showed more than just camaraderie.

"Are you sure about this?" Toph asked.

He squeezed her hand and brought her a bit closer, so that they were moving stride for stride. "Well, I have to make sure you stick close to me, because if you stayed behind I'd have to stay, too, and then where would we be? I'd do that, for you."

Even Sokka, who was always eager to voice his opinions, couldn't have explained exactly what Toph meant to him now if he'd been asked. She wasn't another little sister figure, that was for sure, and he was confused as to whether or not they were friends in the conventional sense. But as long as she was nearby he could still find out, and that was worth a lot to him. It was the kind of thing you didn't stroll away from unless you were an idiot – and he wasn't that. Not really.

There were other things wrong with his mind, though. "Toph?"

"Hm?" She didn't look at him, or need to.

"I think you make me pretty crazy, too."

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Written by Gunwild

Created by Bryan Konietzko & Michael Dante DiMartino

Original Idea by the Toph/Sokka fan club at deviantART's 'Tophandsokkaclub' for 'confession' contest ending 7/13/07; feel free to vote. Fanfiction, not produced for profit.

Avatar: The Last Airbender and related indicia are the property of Nickelodeon and Viacom