Please review! This is pretty short, but it came to me and I thought it sounded good in my head. IDK! Love you guys!
Twelve years...I gave that man twelve years of my life and he leaves without a single word. I call him and he doesn't answer. Texts are impersonal and he doesn't believe it's worth the money. Going to see him would make him mad. I was screwed no matter what I tried to do in order to talk to him. But...no matter what...I wasn't mad at him.
Cragen told me that he left and had turned in his papers. It was like a bad break up from your boyfriend's father. Walking into the squad room, knowing he wouldn't be there, made me want to grab the nearest garbage can and hurl until there was nothing left. I couldn't live without that man.
Packing up the things in his desk...that was hell on earth. Looking at every little piece of paper, knowing that it was something that was his that I'd never see again. The picture of him with his son made my heart ache. I literally felt like I was in the middle of a break up. Benson and Stabler...no more. It was just Benson now. I had to box up his stuff and couldn't even bring it to him myself. I had to mail it to him. In fact, I didn't even do that. Cragen took the boxes away from me.
Getting a new partner...he wasn't my partner. Not the one my heart knew anyway. He was young, had a family, a daughter. He was curious as to why I was so cold towards him. If only he knew...he'd know why I shut myself down inside.
Every memory with that man, every word said, is something I hang on to. The little moments where we'd eat lunch and talk about stupid things like high school drama. He'd go on about his kids and I couldn't have had more fun. Sometimes I felt like his kids were my kids. I spent enough time with them to know their schedules. Dickie actually wrote down his schedule for her so he could come and get him at any time during the day.
Fin, John, and Cragen all asked if I was okay. I would say I was doing okay or say nothing at all. Sometimes, I'd just walk away. No matter what, the end result was me crying in some room of my apartment wondering what I did. Asking myself, why can't he come talk to me? Did I do something wrong?
Meeting someone knew...it seemed alright at the start. He said that he wouldn't hurt me. Well, he was wrong. Sure, it wasn't as bad as losing my partner, but...it still hurt. I put my heart out there and he chose his job over us. I would have done that too, but...he said he wouldn't hurt me.
Meeting Alexandra Eames...she's a good friend. I had fun talking with her. She talked about all of these memories she had with her husband. She went on to describe some of the weirdest cases she ever had. We had some good laughs on that subject. Then, she said that her partner had left her to go undercover. She said that it sometimes seemed like they were married. Of course, I had to ruin her personal reflection and bring in my own broken hearted words. I said But you weren't. Like that didn't make me sound like I wished that were true.
Elliot showing up at my apartment one night to tell me he loved me and wanted to come home...best fricken night of my life.
Please review! I love you guys and wanted to try this out.