A.N: Written for the katanashipping fanbook. OTP alert people!
White Rice and Bittersweet Sake
He could still see things move by the ripple of a cool breeze against his calloused skin. Never before had his worn fingertips been so precious. It had taken long years of mistakes and learning, but now he felt he didn't need his eyes at all; he was so adjusted to life without them now.
Almost.
He had become so adept at identifying those around him that Mike swore his skills had taken on the supernatural. It wasn't that at all, though. Leo half wished it was magic – they could have done with some right about now. But no, his remaining senses were just so honed to everything around him that it seemed as if he was psychic. He wasn't saddened by it any more.
Most of the time.
Donatello always brought a metallic coldness into the room with him, his cybernetic parts icing the air around him. But he always melted it with his voice, warm and reassuring. He had been absent from their war-torn lives for so long that they never dreamed he would come back. So when he did, a cyborg reflection of what he once was, they were too relieved to care that his embraces were half stiff and cold now. Leo had spent long hours tracing his fingers along smooth steel that morphed into reptilian flesh. Don had joked that he'd made the parts sturdier than even Baxter Stockman's.
Leo hoped it was true.
Raphael always smelled like the sea. At first it was a refreshing comfort to taste the briny salt on his lips whenever Raph was near, but late at night, when he could admit he was frightened, Leo found himself longing for the acrid scent of cheap beer and roasted peanuts. At least the sobering smell of motor oil still followed his brother around like a second aura. It was a small comfort when they were snarling profanities at each other, resisting the urge to turn the hissed insults into bruising punches. Leo despised the Shredder for destroying their relationship like this.
Though in his heart, he knows it's actually their fault.
Mikey always brought sound with him. His brothers had mastered the art of ninjitsu to perfection, even Donatello with his whirring mechanics, but Mikey refused to let himself disappear into the shadows completely, and Leo was so grateful for that. Mike's footsteps, though still delicate, were heavier than the others'. His breathing a touch louder, a quiet laugh that was thankfully not quenched still behind every breath. Leo could listen to every noise his brother made for eternity. It was a little morbid, but he secretly hoped he would die with Mike's bubblegum voice in his ears.
But he knew that was a fate he was not destined for.
Despite all of that, he still missed his sight with a silent, burning passion. He never said so, and he wondered if they ever guessed. Every time he laid his thin hands on their skin, he felt new scars, new blemishes, a chill that was never there before. Even on the rare occasions he received a hug from April, he felt wrinkles and marks on skin that used to be so soft. He always longed to see their faces again, though a part of him was frightened to. At least this way they would be forever frozen in his mind as the young, fresh-faced adults they used to be.
But there was one person who remained a constant for him. One person who no matter how many times he laid his hands on their small, athletic frame, it would always be the same. And his heart ached for them every day. He had to make do with fleeting visits from them here and there, and it was never enough. In this godforsaken life of dodging bullets every day and counting their blessings, their visits were like beacons of light piercing the darkness.
Today was a hard day.
Michelangelo was ill. Leo could hear his youngest brother coughing and spluttering from the next room in their safe house. That had meant a restless night for all of them, worrying about toxins and poisons and whatever else the Shredder might have tainted their water with. They lived in constant fear of it, but this time they could breathe easy. Donatello had confirmed it was simply flu, but it didn't make them worry any less.
Leo didn't need his eyes to make tea. His weathered hands knew the actions well, and brewing a cup was almost therapeutic. He let his mind wander as he prepared his drink, listening to the steam as it evaporated with only half an ear. He was always the first to pick up on any sounds that meant danger, and his brothers trusted him without question even now. He was no longer the "paranoid" one, because the danger was all to real now.
Upon hearing new footsteps, his body froze completely, though his heart began to thump in his ribcage. They were loud, almost thunderous to him, but he recognised them. He always teased their owner that despite spending years in the company of ninjas, he could never hone his body to their way of life. The steps came closer, and with each passing second, Leo felt the tension flow out of his body and he couldn't resist the tiny smile.
So it was time for another visit.
Usagi brought with him the smell of white rice and bittersweet sake and a life without smoke and deafening explosions and sadness. His voice and touch was always soft, ghosting along Leo's reptilian skin like a dream. That's what each visit felt like, a brush of dreams and relief, if only for a little while. He turned only when he knew the rabbit was right behind him, and the moment he did, strong arms enveloped him, and it felt like coming home.
Usagi never changed. Leo knew that was a lie – the ronin sported new scars as often as the rest of them, but they were always hidden by a layer of thick, soft fur that Leo knew was as white as snow. The turtle was happy to fool himself as long as Usagi was there to whisper terribly cheesy Japanese poetry into his ear and make them both laugh until it hurt. Usagi was the one thing that Leo knew would always be the same. One caress of the feather soft fur and Leo was a blushing teenager again, smitten by this handsome and charming older samurai.
For a long time, they simply held each other, losing their minds in pebbled, iridescent skin and bittersweet sake and green tea and a warm cottony pelt. One might have thought they'd forgotten what the other felt like, but that was never the case. They missed each other so strongly that they could never get close enough in those first desperate moments. They took solace in the beating pulses they could hear and feel, a physical reassurance that they were both alive and well.
The kissing began after that, firm and grateful gestures of affection between relieved, breathless laughs. The hands started to roam, not content with holding any longer, they had to doubly reassure themselves, and checked over arms and waists and faces until they were satisfied. After that, Usagi cradled Leo's face with a gentleness that still made Leo go weak at the knees. The turtle knew he must have his own fair share of scars and his unseeing eyes with their milky irises never changed, but the rabbit still treated him like he was the most precious and beautiful thing on this planet.
"I missed you." Usagi whispered, his thumbs tracing patterns along the high cheekbones, and Leo could hear the smile in his voice.
"I missed you too." Leo murmured.
The tenderness never failed to make him feel like the shy, virginal eighteen year old he was when Usagi first kissed him. God, that was so many years ago now. He was far from shy or virginal now, but Usagi loved him more with each passing day. He pressed delicate lips against Leo's forehead, always so thankful that he was alive.
"I'm so relieved to find you and your family well," Usagi confessed, unable to refrain from touching his lover. "How have you been?" He wanted to know, subtly asking about the new wound marks he could see. Leo knew he was always afraid to come and find them seriously hurt, or worse.
It had been hard enough when he'd lost his eyesight. Leo thought Usagi and his brothers seemed to be more upset about it than he was. He'd had the foresight to pre-warn the samurai about his sudden disability in a letter (graciously scribed by Mikey in his scruffy bubble writing), but Usagi had still been so heartbroken for him when he saw him again. I'm not dying, Leo had reminded him with an amused smile, but Usagi still mourned the loss of his eyes. At first he had lamented that he had lost something so beautiful, but now he had decided that his eyes were still just as stunning, but in a different way, and Leo believed him because Usagi always spoke with a fierce sincerity.
"The same as always." Leo smiled tiredly, and they both knew it meant he didn't want to talk about it.
Usagi's visits were for comfort and affection, Leo could never bring them down by talking about all of the times they'd nearly lost their lives, or the new horrors that the Shredder had unleashed, and Usagi could always guess anyway. Instead, Leo preferred to bask in his samurai's gentle kisses, and lose himself in the exciting stories and warm sake that the rabbit brought with him. He'd never liked sake much when he was younger, but now it was an exotic luxury.
His tea forgotten, Leo was led to the sectioned off part of the warehouse that was recognised as his room, partitioned by ragged curtains and whatever other debris that could pass as a divider. It never offered much privacy, but it was the best they could do, and besides, the others seemed to know to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear when Usagi was around. He was as much a part of the family now as April. Mike and Raph stuck to their own 'rooms' or spent time helping out fixing shelters, while April and Don worked tirelessly in their makeshift lab. No one had the heart to say out loud that they'd never find a way out of this, but it gave them hope to keep working anyway.
The pair cuddled without many words, exchanging adoring kisses buried under the various blankets and old cushions that served as a bed. Usagi had always found this world dark, and now it was even darker; the warehouse lit by only dim industrial lighting that was always flickering off and on. Going back to his world afterwards always filled him with guilt, the light seemed too bright and false. But he'd lost count of the times he'd begged Leonardo and his brothers to abandon this apocalypse and flee to his world. Leo was determined to overthrow the Shredder, and their discussions always turned to arguments.
Usagi would never give up though.
He was growing old, and no matter how much Leo tried to fool himself, he was getting tired too. A lifetime of wandering and fighting was starting to take its toll, and Usagi found himself occasionally longing for warm fires and soft beds and his lover in his arms until the end of his days. He was missing the turtle more and more, spent every waking moment pining for him and counting down the days until he could be there again. His visits were becoming more frequent, he was unable to bear the separation for long, and Leonardo would never complain.
It was time to put an end to this distance, one way or another.
"Leonardo," He began, slender fingers painting patterns on the other's skin. Leo let him know he was listening by turning his head and kissing the worn fingertips. These cuddles nearly always led to sex, but Usagi wanted to get this off his chest before they lost themselves in a lusty haze. "Leonardo." He said again, firmer, and Leo paused, sensing the determination in his voice.
Usagi sighed quietly – how was he going to breach this? He'd rehearsed in his head what he wanted to say, but now it came to it he was lost for words. He didn't want this happy moment to be ruined by shouting and arguing, but it had to be said. If he chickened out now, who knew when he'd get the courage to bring it up again. He took a deep breath, knowing he was starting to worry his lover with his hesitance.
"Come with me," He eventually breathed, continuing quickly when Leo frowned. "Please, darling. I want you with me, I can't stand knowing you're in so much danger any longer. You and your family." He begged softly, his hand now petting the smooth line of Leo's jaw.
"You know I can't," Leo sighed in exasperation, rolling onto his shell now the intimate moment was ruined. Why did Usagi have to go and do that. "It's our fault the Shredder has done this. We have to make it right," He paused, staring up at a ceiling he couldn't see, and his voice lowered into a sad whisper. "Even if it takes our lives."
"Then I'll stay." Usagi said determinedly, his tone making Leo look at him in shock. He saw nothing but blackness, but it was an instinct he couldn't quite grow out of. "I'll stay with you," Usagi continued, his voice a harsh whisper. "I shan't be apart from you any longer."
"You can't do that," Leo protested weakly, desperately wishing, not for the first time, that he could see Usagi's face. "What about Jotaro? And Lord Noriyuki?" He was aware his voice had risen an octave or two, and he fought the panic that was starting to settle in his heart.
"Jotaro is a grown man now," Usagi explained soothingly, trying to ease that panic. "He and Lord Noriyuki don't need my help anymore." Though it was clear that Leonardo cared deeply about Usagi's son Jotaro, the ronin knew that Leonardo was scrambling for excuses to hide the true problem.
He was frightened.
"You can't." Leo repeated with a little more conviction to his tone. "I won't have you here, it's too dangerous. I -" His voice broke just slightly, but he quickly overcame it. "I can't lose you."
"And don't you think I'm tired of spending my days worrying whether or not you've been killed, hm?" Usagi asked, pulling the turtle back into his arms where he cradled him close. Leo clung to him, burying his face in the small pocket of fur revealed by the collar of his kimono. "I can't do it anymore. Either you come with me, or I come here. The choice is yours, koibito."
The term of affection was spoken so lovingly that Leo melted against him. The Japanese language always sent him weak at the knees, and Usagi often used his native tongue to his advantage. What could Leo say to that? How could he make such a choice? Usagi was asking him to decide between what was right and what was selfish. There was nothing he wanted more than to run to Usagi's world and live peacefully, but he wasn't sure he could live with the guilt of leaving the people of New York to the Shredder.
"You have spent your whole life fighting for what's good," Usagi went on, stroking his shoulders. "Isn't it time you thought about yourself for once?" He knew it was a difficult decision for the turtle to make, but the rabbit knew that Leonardo and his family would be safe in his world, and he was almost certain that with the turtles gone, Saki would cause a lot less trouble.
"Can I think about it?" Leo asked weakly, his voice muffled against the rabbit's chest.
"Of course, darling." Usagi reassured him.
Leo nodded but said nothing else, curling his fingers around the blue cotton of Usagi's robes and holding on for dear life. He wished they could just stop in this moment, safe and secure in their own little bubble. For a second, he was glad he couldn't see. Usagi's expression might just have been enough to send him over the edge. Instead he pressed his cheek to the rabbit's fur, and imagined what life might be like if this had never happened.
He remembered Usagi's world, all green fields and yellow sun and smiling faces, and he could recall Usagi's wide smile and bright pink eyes as clearly as if he was looking right at them. There would be long strolls through the rice fields with the sun beating on his shell, nights spent laughing and drinking sake together before crawling into a soft bed and warm arms without fear of being bombed in the night. God, it sounded like heaven.
And his brothers would be safe. He wanted that so badly it hurt. Every day he hated himself a little bit more for bringing them into this mess. In Usagi's world they would be happy, wouldn't they? He'd find a way to make sure they could all bring what made them smile – Mike's games, Raph's bike, Don's inventions – even if it was Ancient Japan they were fleeing to. Why was he trying to convince himself? He mentally shook his head, they might not even want to come with him.
He took another breath, clearing his mind for now, and Usagi squeezed him tighter. He would think on it later. At this moment in time, he wanted to enjoy the return of his samurai. He didn't know what his answer would be, but the thought that no matter what Usagi would be with him filled him with a happiness he couldn't put into words. He leaned up on one elbow and sought out soft lips once more.
The kiss was tender to start, but soon the chasteness was swallowed by an urgency that only came from being apart for too long. Teeth found flesh and nipped down, triggering the whisper of moans and growling churrs. It didn't take long for them to melt into the other, falling into a heated embrace with battling tongues and grinding hips. Their serious discussion was swiftly forgotten in favour of enjoying the other.
Without warning, the outdoor alarms began to sound, brutally jolting them out of their intimate little world. The noise pierced Leo to the core, even more terrifying with the loss of his sight. His heart sank into his stomach, and he gripped his lover's hand in fear. It looked like he would have to decide sooner rather than later.
The Shredder was on the warpath.