Apologies to Jay Ward Productions and to Larry Ewing, I don't own the rights to either of these characters. Snidely Whiplash (and all other Rocky and Bullwinkle characters) belong to Jay Ward Productions, and Tux the Linux penguin belongs to Larry Ewing. But I strongly believe that this story, as a parody, is protected under fair use in US law.
Now, for the rap battle!
Snidely Whiplash:
Snidely Whiplash in the house, let this battle begin,
And all my evil henchman homies know that I'm about to win!
I'm gonna tie you down to a railroad track,
And stand by while your operating system gets hacked.
You think you're gangsta? Well, I invented bad,
I'm the evilest guy that Canada's ever had!
No one can match me from Vancouver to Fundy Bay!
By the way, your friend called, he said the zoo is that way!
No one can beat a villain like me, didn't you know,
Now let me eat an Apple while I stare out my Windows.
Tux:
How can an evil villain think they're really the best?
Get on my level, dude, I'm a grade-A OS!
Meanwhile, you're just a guy from a cartoon
Who always gets foiled by a bumbling buffoon!
You grew your mustache out so curly, what were you thinkin'?
And that top hat – who do you think you are, Abe Lincoln?
You're so ugly that when you rob a bank,
The guards turn all the cameras off and jump in a shark tank!
And you can't hack Linux, man, it's way too secure,
Don't look now, Snides, but it looks like you're done for!
Note: The Bay of Fundy isn't actually called "Fundy Bay" (or at least not that I know of); I only used that variation of the name for rhyming purposes.
Review this story and let me know what you think!