AN: Horrible keyboard mashing but there needs to be Pam/Archer and this is terrible.. but there aren't many, so people will forget about my travesty I am committing. I tried to tap into my inner Pam. Holy shitsnacks, it didn't work.

Kreiger suggest truth or dare.

It's really his fault.

Archer is drunk, and Lana is pregnant and down in the Bronx somewhere trying to get sweet pickles.

Cheryl is already curled up against Cyril who is doing his best to get away.

"Truth or dare?" Kreiger suggest.

Who invited him again? Him and his wife must have gotten into it. It's nights like these that we cherish the most, Malory is off somewhere doing God knows what with her boring husband while we sit in her office, get toasted on her shit, and bitching about her. It's almost sexual to a point. But that damn Kreiger had to mess up our bull session with truth or dare. Of course he spins first. Of course it lands on Cheryl.

"Truth or dare?" Kreiger is wide eyed and standing on his knees in his white lab coat and ridiculous goggles.

"Truth."

"Have you ever slept with an animal?" Kreiger said too damn quickly, he wanted to know for the longest time probably. Not that I care, but what a sick man.

"Yeah, it was college, a goat, it was weird. My turn!" cheryl spun the bottle and it landed on me. "Who in the office have you slept with?" she narrowed her eyes in that weird revengy way she does, or when she's just glued up. God, Cheryl was an evil skinny bitch. "COME ON PAM!" she growled and then laughed like the maniac her sixth personality probably was.

"Well me and-" Archer lunged at me, he had been so damn quiet up until this moment. He tackled me onto the floor and placed his hand over my mouth, I know everyone was looking at him like he was bat shit crazy. Probably because he was.

"Cheryl! How dare you try to invade her private life." Archer pretended to be offended after sitting up, my damn tits were sore after he knocked the wind out of me. I tried to talk but he kept his hand over my mouth. "Pam doesn't have to settle for your ridiculous games, Cheryl. How many people have you slept with, huh? Cyril? Kreiger? Scatter brain jane!"

"That was only once!" Cheryl blurted out, this was wonderful and I would have so much new material for my blog.

"I am ashamed of you all! Lets go, Pam! You don't have to lower yourself to their childish antics" Everyone in the room including half drunk Cyril looked ashamed. They had fallen for it! For a man drunk off his ass, he still had a strong vocabulary but then again Malory was his mother, he probably strolled out of the womb with a Tom Collins. "Classic misdirection." he said as we stopped in front of my office. "So... "

"Come on, make it quick. But put your back into it this time." I opened my door and Archer rushed in. This was the last time I swear, he tackled me onto the floor. For such a small man he packed quite a punch when he was feeling frisky. There was nothing like drunk sex with Archer, he wasn't the best but he was skilled enough to get me there. He pushed my skirt above my waist and yanked down my panties. There was never any prolonged kissing or petting but when he was drunk he was more affectionate, he left sloppy kisses all over my face.

"ARCHER!" I moaned as he slammed inside of me. He was rough, but I liked rough. His eyes were wide and he was drooling a bit, but who cares! Those three forties and two blunts I had earlier were starting to kick in.

"YES PAM! YES!" he growled as he slammed in and out of me. He packed a punch for a little man, I would need a beer after this. I hate Kreiger. I really do. It's not the german thing, it's his bad time and no sense of knocking. Archer and me froze when we heard the door slide open, I looked up to see Malory, Lana and Kreiger standing there. I smacked Archer's back, he pulled out and turned to look. "Mother..."

"Sterling Archer" she had a drink in her hand and sipped on it, did the woman have to be a hardass all the time? I closed my leg and looked around for my panties.

"Lana." Archer called out as his mom and Lana both walked away. He stood up and pulled up his pants that were around his ankles, what a sight.

"Next time can I-" Kreiger said breaking the silence.

"Get out Kreiger!" We both shouted and he quickly made his way down the hall.

Damn Kreiger.

"I should probably go home now." Archer ran his hands through his thick black hair, there was no way he was Comrad Questions kid.

"You probably should."

I was close, real close and then comes Kreiger. He can pray he gets a good evaluation from me on Monday. I turned around to grab my newsletter off the desk and Archer bent me over.

"Classic Misdirection."