"Scully. Scully."
"Huhngh?"
"Scully, wake up."
"What is it?"
"I have something to tell you."
"What time is it, Mulder?"
"About 2:30, I think."
"What?"
"It's okay - listen. I have something to tell you."
"Will's going to be up in another hour, Mulder."
"I'll get him."
"That's for sure."
"Just listen, Scully."
"This had better be good."
Once upon a time...
"Mulder!"
"What? Five minutes - that's all I'm asking."
"I don't believe this...you do know that I have to go to work in the morning, right?"
"Trust me."
*sigh*
Once upon a time, a melancholy man with the moniker Mulder met a maiden as elusive as moonbeams...
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't I already heard this story once this week?"
"Form over content, Scully. Besides, I changed the ending."
"You did?"
"Are you going to keep interrupting?"
...as elusive as moonbeams, magical and miraculous in her mysterious majesty. Together, Melancholy Mulder and the Moonbeam Maiden pursued masticating monsters, morbid mishaps, mothmen, much mucus, and many a macabre maelstrom of mortifying myths. Gradually, a realization materialized in the mind of the Moonbeam Maiden, that these matters made Melancholy Mulder not mad but magnificently merry, and she amused herself by marking the implausibility of his musings.
For his part, Melancholy Mulder merely marveled at the mettle of the Moonbeam Maiden, esteeming her above the more mammary-laden maidens he sometimes met.
"That's it. I'm going back to sleep."
"No! I'll behave, I promise."
However, many a Machiavellian miscreant mistreated the pair, mocking Melancholy Mulder for his misunderstood musings and misogynistically maligning the Moonbeam Maiden for months on end. Many times the two were misled and maliciously manipulated by their malefactors, until, one day, they were separated altogether, leaving Melancholy Mulder and the Moonbeam Maiden missing each other terribly.
Well-meaning mavericks, manly men, and one mooing miss meagerly meant to make amends for the many mistreatments suffered by the man and the maiden, but, in the end, they simply missed each other too much.
Melancholy Mulder missed the many moments he had spent in the company of the Moonbeam Maiden, as well as the marauding monsters he had often pursued.
The Moonbeam Maiden missed Mulder's...
"...maniacal mirth."
"Aw, Scully..."
"Go on."
...and neither could be mollified.
One misty morning, as Melancholy Mulder was making milk for the mini-man he now managed, he mulled an idea that he thought might work to their mutual benefit. Muzzling the mutterings of self-doubt that malingered in his heart, he made up his mind to muster the courage to propose his plan to the miraculous Moonlight Maiden.
"Which was..?"
'Marry me, Moonbeam Maiden.'
To which she replied...
"Maybe."
"Um...you do realize I'm serious, right?"
"I do. It's just that I have a few conditions."
"Conditions?"
"Yes, conditions. Care to hear?"
"..."
"Good. First, if you so much as whisper the words 'once upon a time' again in my hearing, the deal's off."
"Miser."
"Second, you will be taking care of nightly feedings for the next month."
"Month?"
"In keeping with the form of the story, Mulder."
"Ah. A masterful move."
"I thought so. Third, no more mention of big-breasted babes, leggy lasses, or other figments of your overactive imagination."
"No more melony misses for Marty?"
"No. Fourth, I want that sofa out of the apartment."
"My much-admired masculine moveable?"
"Yes. Out."
"Maybe I misjudged our meeting of the minds..."
"Finally..."
"Mhmm?"
"Mulder...never, ever leave me alone again."
"Never, Scully. It's a promise."
"Then, much-loved Mulder, I'll marry you."
And they lived happily ever after.
"The end. Goodnight, Mulder."
"Are you sure you don't want a taste of my masculine charms?"
"Maybe in the morning, Mulder."
"A little pre-marital play, perhaps?"
"Mulder, stop that."
"Mmmmmm..."
"Well...maybe it might not be such a bad idea to make sure you're marriage material..."
"Mhmmm..."
"And...um...who knows what might materialize..."
"I think it already has..."
"Mmmmm..."
"Marry me, Scully..."
"My pleasure, Mulder."
~finis~