Lord Cynic: "Eh. Now that this idea's out of the way, I can concentrate on others. Like my battle bloopers… muwahahaha…"

Mashu: (whimpers) "Scary…"

Lord Cynic: "We don't own Naruto."

Hinata Hyuuga Fan Club

The Miss Hinata Hyuuga Fan Club.

It was a phenomenon that must've sprung up overnight but had already attracted many followers. The reasons they provided for admiring her were several: her kind, caring personality; her shy tendencies; the courage she'd shown to stand up to her then brutal cousin Neji during her first Chuunin exams; and of course, her natural cuteness that evolved into beauty. All of these qualities combined to create, in boys' and young men's minds, the perfect woman.

The undeniable fact that Miss Hinata was smitten with the blonde numbskull Naruto Uzumaki was just an unfortunate phase. Or so they believed.

At the age of fifteen, Miss Hinata was developing into a very physically desirable girl slash young woman. While, for legal reasons, she couldn't be described as sexy (lots of perverts out there), she was certainly very beautiful. Her lavender-tinged eyes gleamed with innocence and kindness untainted by her profession as a kunoichi. Her dark indigo hair, once short, now flowed to a luxurious waist length. She was undeniably taller than she had been three years prior, but she was still petite by normal standards, which just added to her appeal. She was slim without being a twig and (to her dismay) her breasts were very ample. Hence, that was why she still wore a bulgy coat to hide the more… embarrassing features of her body.

However, despite the growth she'd gone through she was still oblivious to her unofficial fan club. That could be contributed to two things: Neji's non-verbal threats to anyone and everyone who stared gaga-eyed at his younger cousin (he had taken to looking after her during her adolescence), and Miss Hinata's infatuation with aforementioned Hokage aspirant, Naruto Uzumaki. These, however, were only minor setbacks for the fan club – Neji couldn't watch over Miss Hinata every second of the day, and the infatuation was still believed to be a lingering phase. As long as she was officially unattached and available, she was free to be admired.

On a side note, there had been wide speculation that Miss Hinata's old team-mate Kiba Inuzuka had founded the fan club. When cornered and questioned, he denied everything.

The Miss Hinata Hyuuga Fan Club, whilst having followers also had critics. Well, to be completely honest, the correct wording would be "people who wished those idiots would just go away!" Neji Hyuuga, as Hinata's protector, was one such person, obviously. He had volunteered for the position as an attempt to deter the fools who thought they had what it took to be suitable suitors to the Hyuuga heiress – it wasn't working. Hanabi Hyuuga, surprisingly, was also someone who took offence to the fan club. In her words, "Those idiots just don't get it! Onee-san's just not interested!" The main members of the Hinata Hyuuga Fan Club Haters, as it was expected, were Hinata's sisterhood of friends: Sakura Haruno, Ino Yamanaka, and Tenten (family name can not be disclosed or the entire world will suffer the wrath of Hamtaro). Their hatred of the fan club didn't stem from jealousy (they were also quite attractive girls, after all), but concern for their friend and her safety (even if Hinata was still unknowing of her admirers).

The sisterhood of Sakura, Ino and Tenten met at a café to discuss their missing member and her unwanted stalkers. They couldn't believe that as obvious as those idiot boys were, Hinata was completely clueless to their lustful staring. It was most likely that she was too busy daydreaming about the thick-headed Naruto to notice the several pairs of eyes fixed on her every day. Nonetheless, it was very annoying.

"This has gone on far enough!" Sakura growled, thumping her fist onto the table. The cups of teas and a coffee jumped at the contact and Ino and Tenten half-glared at her. She simply folded her arms and looked indignant while her inner self raged "YEAH! THOSE MORONS NEED A WAKEUP CALL!"

"While I agree with you," Tenten said, settling her coffee, "what can we do?"

"Let's just beat them up!" came the immediate response from the vivacious pink-haired girl. Her inner self agreed with a booming "SHANNARO! Beat them until they're begging for mercy!"

"But would that really stop them?" Ino asked, idly stirring her tea. "We could try to find every single one of them but it'd take too long and besides, if they're too thick to notice Hinata-chan doesn't care, what we do won't do a thing."

"Then what do you suggest?" Sakura huffed, agitated that her idea had been shot down so quickly.

Ino seemed to contemplate an answer as she continued to stir. Finally she sat up and said, "I know! I could possess Hinata-chan and make her make an impression on one of the boys. Then the rest would see she doesn't want anything to do with them."

Sakura appeared to consider Ino's idea but frowned all-too-quickly. "I don't think that'll work either. If Hinata were to approach one of those guys, they'd all take it the wrong way and think she's actually interested. Then she, and you, would be in real trouble."

"What? Why me?" Ino cried, not appreciating Sakura's explanation.

"You would've put the jutsu on her, not me," Sakura explained while her inner self agreed with "Yeah! Your fault, Ino-pig!"

"How about we threaten them at knife point to leave her alone?" Tenten suggested before an argument could break out.

"That wouldn't work the same way Sakura's idea wouldn't," Ino said bluntly. "Too many of them, and too stupid to get the hint."

The trio sighed. For all their brainstorming they'd ended up right back at square one with nothing. They racked their brains for any more ideas but they knew they couldn't do much. They didn't trust their male friends to be of any help because, well, they were guys. They wouldn't understand. Well, Kiba would, but he'd become protective of Hinata-chan and make it worse. Shino would, but he was too busy for something like defusing a fan club. Neji knew what was going on, but if death glares from him wouldn't work, and physical threats were out of the question, nothing he could do would help either.

Fortunately for the girls, a pensive young man, the answer they were looking for, sat at a table nearby, alone. He sat there, his expression changing every few seconds, before bursting into exaggerated tears.

The unfortunate sod never stood a chance.

Naruto Uzumaki's eyes were narrowed in thought as he wandered the streets of Konoha. He didn't like to see himself as a guy whose could change his special feelings from one girl to another. In other words, he didn't see himself as a dirty sleaze looking for an easy lay. After all, he'd been pining for Sakura Haruno for so long.

So when was it, that he woke up and suddenly only had eyes for one Hinata Hyuuga? The timid, semi-perma-blushing, finger-poking Hyuuga royalty? The girl who went out of her way to help him not once, not twice, but three times during his first Chuunin Exams? The girl who seemed to have fainting spells as often as stutters.

Jiraiya, or rather Ero-Sennin, had once told him to take a moment to reflect on his life and his emotions. Naruto had dismissed the idea in favour of more training at the time, but now it felt about right to ponder. He needed to sort out his feelings before he did something… well, stupid. He decided to sit at a nearby café (thankfully owned by villagers who weren't idiots) and do something he wouldn't under normal circumstances: think deeply about something important, and about someone he never really noticed until now.

'Hinata's never looked at me with hate in her eyes,' he mused with some elation.

His pessimistic side decided to counter that with, 'She doesn't really look at you at all.'

Naruto outwardly frowned and thought, 'She never says bad things about me.'

'Sure, not to your face,' came the snide rebuttal. Naruto was beginning to think the voice sounded like Kyuubi. However, he had another point to argue.

'She offered to help me cheat in the Chuunin exams. She also gave me that healing stuff, and cheered me on before my fight with Neji.' He smirked and mentally folded his arms in triumph. People around him were cautiously avoiding him, partially fearful that (in their minds) he was smirking about a plan to kill them all.

Pfft, an army of Pokemon-crazed kids is more dangerous than a sealed demon. Trust me on that.

'She was obviously trying to make you fail the first task,' the evil voice in Naruto's head snorted. 'You were just lucky and too dumb to fall for it. The healing salve was just to butter you up before a fall, and her so-called 'cheering' was probably to fill your head with crap before the Neji fight. Obviously it didn't work.'

'She's really cute!' Naruto declared with a grin and a blush. 'She's really strong too, even if she doesn't think so. She was able to stand up to Neji that time, after all.' He smiled and nodded, but frowned almost immediately after. 'It's too bad she doesn't really talk to me, though. Whenever I try to seek her out nowadays she's always hiding from me. When she's not, she has a fever, likes to play with her fingers or faints.' He began to weep comically, waterfalls of tears flowing down his face. 'Maybe she doesn't like me after all! Waaaaaaah!'

"You're an idiot," Kyuubi muttered before falling silent. The fox demon knew he wouldn't be heard through Naruto's self-pity.

The blonde-haired boy's sulking attracted the attention of three familiar faces who took seats around his table. He didn't even see them until Sakura-chan began poking him.

"Naruto!" she called exasperatedly from across the table. "What are you wailing about?"

Naruto sniffled a grotesque booger back up into his left nostril, disgusting Sakura-chan, Ino and Tenten. He looked at them with chibified eyes and manifested fox ears (made from chakra) on his head. "I don't think Hinata-chan likes me!"

The girls collapsed onto the ground with enough force to shake a lurking Anko out of a tree somewhere. That alerted a startled Kakashi to her presence and he bolted from the sadistic psycho woman. Her maniacal cackles could be heard from miles away, sending shivers through every male in Konoha.

While Naruto continued to wallow in self-pity, Sakura-chan, Ino and Tenten slowly recovered before sending incredulous looks at him. He looked absolutely pitiful and pathetic, muttering about how Hinata-chan must hate his guts. Therefore, he didn't see the light bulbs flash above the girls' heads nor the identical devious grins on their faces.

"Naruto?" The fox boy looked up to see a smiling Tenten. "We know how to get Hinata-chan to like you."

"Really?" The girls nodded, and the transformation from miserable to ecstatic was a sight to behold. Naruto seemed to brighten up considerably. "Yay! What do I do?"

Hinata Hyuuga was pleasantly surprised when Naruto-kun showed up at her window while she was pressing flowers. She blushed up a storm before allowing him entry, reminding him to be quiet so that no one would hear him. He simply laughed it off and she mentally sighed at how deep and entrancing his matured voice sounded. She took a peak at his toned muscles in a seemingly tight black shirt and her secret inner self swooned blissfully. It was lucky Naruto-kun was too busy stretching out any cramps (allowing Hinata a sight to have many happy dreams about) so she could stare at him for a while – ironically the same way her fan club stared at her.

"Man, that was tough!" Naruto-kun groaned, causing Hinata to look at the satisfied smirk on his face. She immediately ducked her head. "It's a good thing I'm pretty damn sneaky when I have to be."

"N-Naruto-kun?" Hinata's heart beat rapidly in her chest, and she mentally cursed her stuttering. Naruto-kun had used his advanced skills of shadow stealth just to see her? She was flattered beyond belief, but one question nagged at her delight. "W-Why… did y-y-you… c-come h-here? D-Did H-Hokage-sama a-ask for m-me?" She couldn't imagine why when Neji was available.

Naruto-kun actually frowned and Hinata began to panic. Had she said something wrong? Oh, of course! He was made that Hokage-sama wanted her and not him! Oh Naruto-kun…

"Not really," he said as Hinata was imagining waiting on him and foot like a maid. She had just conjured up a saucy ramen-style dress she could wear in her mind (which she could probably make – she was fairly adept at dress-making). "Oh! But I'm gonna be the Hokage one day so yeah, you're right!"

Hinata's fantasies involving alternate uses of the Byakuugan were brought to a screeching halt. Naruto-kun had risked life and limb avoiding the estate guards to see her and only her? The raging butterflies in her stomach fluttered ferociously, making her extremely light-headed. She hadn't fainted in Naruto-kun's presence for so long and now she was fighting to stay conscious.

"Whoa, stay with me, Hinata-chan!" Hinata-chan! "Let's sneak out of here and go somewhere."

"G-Go somewhere?" Hinata felt like a princess in a tower being rescued by her prince. Or maybe she'd seen a Japanese version of Shrek… "O-Okay!"

"Great!" Naruto covertly looked around and Hinata wondered what he was doing. "Meet me outside, out the front. Then we'll have some fun and you'll have to like me!"

Hinata nodded numbly, wondering deliriously what he could've meant by that as Naruto turned to jump out the window. Just as he was about to leap he turned back around and winked. Hinata was left scarlet-faced, flustered and staring at where he used to be, before she came to her senses. She left her room and hurried gracefully to the front door. She donned her shoes and coat (it hadn't occurred to her until now Naruto-kun had seen her without the latter – she blushed anew) before opening the door. She was about to leave when she was halted by a deep voice.

"Where are you going?" Hinata's father Hiashi stood a few feet away, intimidating as ever. Hinata hesitated noticeably, causing Hiashi's slight frown to deepen. Her voice, however, was firm and clear when she answered.

"I'm going out with a friend."

Hinata waited with abated breath as her father stared her down. His steely white eyes bore into her gentle lavender ones and she felt as if he was trying to read her mind. It was very nerve-wracking for since her father didn't take longer than a second to respond to anyone with either a yes or a no. The timid daughter struggled to keep eye contact with the strict father, whose frown only seemed to increase with each passing second.

Suddenly, his face broke out into a small smile. Hinata was expectedly surprised by the change in countenance but mentally told herself not to question it. Hiashi answered her unspoken query anyway.

"You can do worse than Uzumaki. Truth be told, he is brash, rude, reckless and untamed. However, I am certain those undesirable traits can be reversed by none other than you. He will listen to you without question, he will comply with your requests without complaint, he will calm himself in your presence, and he will behave himself in order to please you. To be Hokage, one must be able to exhibit these controlled behaviours in any case."

When Hinata got over the shock from hearing her father not only not object Naruto-kun but also seemingly accept him, a new question arose. She cleared her throat nervously, her father's appraisal of Naruto-kun bringing a pleased blush to her cheeks. She opened her mouth, unsure of how to phrase her question, but a tiny surge of confidence drove her to ask, "Y-You… a-approve of h-him?"

Hiashi's smile seemed to falter and Hinata feared she had asked the wrong question. However, his response was not derogatory to her or her not-so-secret love. "I am not one to believe in hearsay and conjecture. Only a fool would judge a man by his faults alone and while Uzumaki has plenty, his praiseworthy traits are admirable. Moreover, his positive effects on you have helped you blossom into an accomplished young woman to be proud of. I cannot deny you the person who I would be the least uneasy to allow within 100 feet of you." Hinata saw Hiashi's eyes look past her and she guessed, correctly, that Naruto-kun must've become antsy and impatient. "Make sure he knows to bring you back before midnight." He paused before adding, "And if you are returned pregnant… I will kill him."

Hinata squeaked and turned a violent crimson. However, she was able to now respectfully and gratefully to her father and leave somewhat graciously. She wondered what Naruto-kun had planned for their time together.

Naruto was antsy, but not from having to wait. Sakura-chan had given him a list of instructions, and right at the top was "Kiss her". He had blushed madly at the prospect of k… k… kissing Hinata-chan, and immediately paled at what she would do if he did. However, he had learned quite quickly in his life that when it came to romance the pink-haired girl was always right, all the time, without any disrespect. But still…

"Isn't that a little… forward?"

"W-What do y-you m-mean, N-Naruto-kun?"

Ack, damn! Did she sneak up on him or something? Naruto panted heavily to recover from the shock, ignoring Kyuubi's maniacal laughter. He didn't notice Hinata's concerned gaze or her repeated utterings of "U-Um…"

When he was sufficiently calmed down (which took half a minute) he took the time to properly observe Hinata. Her eyes were as soft and gentle as ever; her cheeks were tinted with a bright red that seemed to suit her; the bangs of her hair seemed to frame her face like a pretty picture; her lips…

The words in Sakura-chan's instructions repeated themselves in Naruto's head. Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her.

"Narut-"

Naruto silenced Hinata by placing his trembling lips upon her slightly parted ones. He was a few inches taller than her, but it was the most comfortable thing in the world, for both of them. The kiss was awkward – not like the Sasuke one that had/has rabid yaoi fan girls swooning left, right and centre, but the coy kind where you didn't know where it was headed. It was an innocent kiss in a world is fighting and destruction and that was why it was just right.

When they finally released they stared, eyes half-lidded, at each other – until Naruto realised what he'd just done. He literally leaped a foot away, his face flaming red and his eyes looking everywhere but at her. He began blubbering nonsense.

"I… um… you know… I just… paper… kiss… uh…"

"Naruto-kun!"

This time, he was silenced by Hinata tackling him in a fierce glomp and kissing him so much and so deeply that even Kyuubi was stunned stupid.

The paper of instructions lay on the ground, spelling out "Kiss her… ONLY AFTER WE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!"

Two things of importance happened after that:

1. The fan club was disbanded – with force. The founder was never discovered.

2. Naruto, upon returning Hinata home, had been threatened by Hiashi to propose then and there (by the promise of Jyuuken-style castration if he refused) and, years later, very happily married to the newly proclaimed Hinata Hyuuga-Uzumaki. The latter turned out to be a latent nymphomaniac – possibly caused by years of sexual frustration, which in turn was caused by a very dense blonde male. Naruto was frequently willing to 'relieve' her of said frustration.

The End (I'm such a perv)

Lord Cynic:"Hummina, hummina... as you can probably tell the ending's rushed. I didn't want to drag it on any longer than I did..."