Trigger/Kankri Warning
Self harm, pills, depression.
Is this real anymore? Are your smiles or your laughs real? Have your eyes truly faded and the rest of your body fallen into shadows? Was it remotely possible to feel happiness again once life had its grip on your once delicate young mind.
Your wrists said no. Nothing was real except that was true to that little, consistent voice in your head was your flaws and the insults of everyone you have ever met. Every word they said echoed in your mind to no end. Why couldn't you off yourself? How were you so impossibly weak?
You hoped there was something left inside your silent, shattered soul. Your heart yearned for a reason, any reason to help yourself. You missed the days where you had people around to help you, but now all that remained of those people were their goodbyes when they left your life due to your issues. But as far as you thought, you were alone.
What you failed to realize was the metallic grey eyes which watched you carefully from a distance. You forgot about your friend, your only friend for what it seems. The short man's confidence and personality nearly made you cower and pray to whomever that he wouldn't turn against you. His face never seemed to break from that stoic, bored glare. The name of this young man whom you missed, Levi Ackerman.
You thought he left you like the rest of them, yet he crossed your mind to no end. You remembered how cold he was. You remember how dull he was. It was as if he had no soul except for a foul mouthed, easily angry, and a mild regret for something that always haunted him. Yet, he noticed your existence. Then one day he just up and left you. Your stability shattered when he stopped speaking to you.
What had you done wrong? That was the day when you gave way to your demons. A red, thin line crossed your wrist while you trembled like a leaf. You dropped your tool, a thin pocket knife, and clutched your hand. What made you do this, what made you do this? Why, what have you done?
Your faced the mirror. You saw some scars, some dark spots. You saw uneven makeup and dull eyes. You saw what you feared. You saw what you thought was yourself but was only a reflection of what you were told you were. A fat, ugly, useless, pointless bitch, to paraphrase many years of insults.
The cabinet door slammed open and your hand shook while grabbing onto the bottle your roommate left long ago. Perhaps they were outdated, but you didn't give a damn. You took two of those pink diet pills and swallowed them dry. The mild burn pleased you, told you that indeed, you were alive. Next you took some old sleeping pills, and wandered to your room silently.
Hours. Days. Weeks. How long had you sat in the dark pondering your life? How many pills failed to work? You were nothing but bones, but those pills were all that tethered you down. Those pale little capsules were your only stability. Wake up, think, add a few red lines to your growing collection, drink something, eat if you feel up to it, then down your pills and fall asleep while you withered away in your dreams and a wordless, restless silence.
Levi slowly panicked in his apartment. What had he done that was so wrong? Why had she cut him off? Had his elephant mouth overloaded his short, hummingbird ass?
His steely eyes looked at his phone. You hadn't been online for over a month. He slammed his phone down and threw his coat on, determined to see you one more time and see what he had done.
What he didn't expect to see answer the door was a dull, thin, tired, beaten you. Your lovely, shiny locks a rat nest. Your clothes, once perfected in the art of fashion, was nothing more than an oversized shirt and short shorts. Your delicate skin was splotched and deadened. Worst of all, he saw the tiger stripes.
Levi's hand grabbed your wrist and he pulled you into an uncharacteristic hug. His raven head bowed into yours. His lean, long thumb brushed over a tear in your flesh. Grey eyes met yours, then two pairs of lips clashed without warning. His eyes shut, one hand on your wrist and the other on the back of your head. They moved with a determination that his kiss was all that would help you breathe.
He backed his way into your house and the door shut seemingly on his own. Levi fell with you onto the couch, piercing, worried eyes locking with your wrists.
"Brat, you do you really think you can run out of my life and wither away? You think I won't come by to check on you? I'm shocked you think so little of me... Did... Did I cause this?"
His voice dropped from strong and scolding to a kitten-sized weak mumble. Eyes scanned over every single torn line and dent in your flesh, then, they traced up to your face. He took in your misty eyes, your gaunt features, and your evidence of everything else. His arms wrapped around you once again, your head being pulled into a muscular chest.
"This shits gotta end," he said sadly, his hand clamped around your wrist while the other held you against him. You may have fallen asleep like that, but what you know for sure is that memory changed your life.
As you sat around the campfire with Levi and your friends, singing a childish SpongeBob tune, you knew what others had said for a long time was true. With your head on his shoulder and his arm around your waist, you knew for sure. Life gets better, much much better.
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