He sat outside the house he had already seen the family come and go. He spent all of Christmas outside the house watching the other family happily go about their Christmas day, like most normal families. He had his phone on vibrate and had gotten a few calls from his sister wondering where he was. Where could he be on Christmas he should be with his family not in the car watching this other family? He was getting ready to leave when the old grey haired man approached the car clearly angry.

"Who are you and why are you watching my house?" The old man said banging on the window of the car.

Jack felt his heart sink he rolled down the window letting the cold air come into the car, "Hello." Jack said knowing the man had no clue who he was.

"Who are you and why are you watching my house?" The man said letting his anger down some, he knew this man from somewhere.

"I'm no one I'm sorry. I didn't mean to watch your house. I was just zoning out. I'll leave." Jack said starting the car.

"Wait a second do I know you from somewhere?" The old man asked.

"I doubt it." Jack said backing out of the parking spot leaving the man staring at the car retreating. Jack had not been paying attention to the radio or what channel he had on, but he assumed it was one that played newer music when he heard the young voice come over the radio.

Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared
Father of mine
Take me back to the day
When I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away

Jack thought to himself, another great Christmas with, yet another failed attempt. Why was he so scared of the man? How could the man not even know who he was? Was he that different? No he wasn't why did he come here every year and never do anything? The man had no right to know who he was now, he gave that up a long time ago, and he has a happy family now. No room for Jack, nor a need for him. Jack felt the tears stream down his face as he drove through the city towards his sisters house where Kim would be waiting for him.

I remember blue skies
Walking the block
I loved it when you held me high
I loved to hear you talk
You would take me to the movie
You would take me to the beach
You would take me to a place inside
That is so hard to reach

Jack was refilling his car when another car pulled in behind him. He found it a bit odd because everyone was home with their families, or should be and here he was. He saw the man step out of the red Porsche and look at him. It was the gray hair man from earlier. Jack moved nervously towards the inside to pay for the gas.

The man called to him, "Jack?" He was still not sure if it was him, he had only seen him as young as the age of three and never again after that.

"No. You have me mistaken for someone else sir." Jack said walking in the gestation never turning back to look at him. Jack was not sure why he lied, and a part of him wish he had not. Jack finished paying for his gas and was cornered by the gray haired man at the only door to get into the place or out.

"Are you sure you aren't Jack?" The man asked almost sure it had to be him.

Jack didn't know what to say, his eyes didn't betray anything and for a minute the man thought he had been completely wrong until Jack shook his head unable to speak.

"What do you want? Money?" The man asked saying the words harsher than he wanted to.

"No I don't want anything from you." Jack said pushing past the gray hair man roughly.

"Jack I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way." The man called after him chasing after Jack. "How did you find me?"

Jack smiled at himself opening the door to his car, CTU had been good for something. He found him shortly after he started there. He read his personal file and found they had found him already before Jack had. Jack had to do some minor follow up work because he had moved, but he was not to hard to track. Jack drove away looking back once to see the man staring at him.


Father of mine
Tell me where did you go
You had the world inside your hand
But you did not seem to know
Father of mine
Tell me what do you see
When you look back at your wasted life
And you don't see me

The man watched Jack drive away. He thought about following him some more, but what could he do? Could you really get almost thirty some odd years back. God he didn't even know how old the man was. He drove back to his house he had worked so hard to get. He walked inside and his wife called, "Where did you guy honey? And who was that young man outside?"

"I ran to the gestation. Wanted to see if they had something to cure my sweet tooth. The man outside?" He said confused.

"Yeah the young man you talked to in the SUV?"

"OH just someone wanting directions." He smiled and kissed her wondering where that young man was now.

Jack pulled up to his sisters house and walked up to the door. He knocked twice and than the door opened.

"Jack where have you been all day?" She said worried.

"Sorry some work stuff. I got here as quick as I could." Jack said walking inside smiling at her.

"At least you made it. Kim was getting ready to send out the search party for you. Supper is already done. Come in we were just eating." She said grabbing him by the arm and pulling him into the house to the dining room. He saw Kim's face light up when he walked in. He smiled at her and sat down apologizing to everyone.

"Where were you dad?" Kim asked.

"Something came up at work. I'm sorry I had to check on something than I came directly here." Jack lied Kim did not need to know what he was doing nor did his younger sister.

"I can't believe they needed you on Christmas." His sister said not understanding Jack wanted to drop the topic.

"It was something I had to check on that's all." Jack said, "I'm here now. So lets do this thing."

Everyone looked at him, Jack had never been known for his love of Christmas. As a matter of fact he had been compared to scrouge more than once. The only thing that ever brought a smile to his face that day was when Kim would open her gifts and she had snooped through them all, but didn't find the one big one. Jack would conviently hide somewhere she couldn't find it and she'd open it and her eyes would light up. He loved that look and held on to it to get him through he holiday season he hated so much. No one but Jack knew why he hated Christmas so much, and he would not share that piece of information with anyone.

When they all finished stuffing themselves with ham and other food they all sat in the living room around the small fire in the fire place. Jack got lost in his thoughts watching the fire and everyone had noticed. Especially after Kim had said, "Dad open your gift." And he did not respond.

Kim touched him gently and brought him out of his trance. "Sorry I was thinking about something." Kim smiled thinking he was thinking of her mother who had passed away years ago. "Open your gift Dad." She said handing it to him.

Jack opened the gift, he could tell by the shape it was a book. When he got the wrapping paper off he smiled. It was a copy of Walden. He had always loved the book. He smiled at Kim and hugged her.

"That's not all dad." She said walking out of the room and to the back of the house. "Now I know you live all alone in your apartment right now. And Chase and I thought you could use a companion. So we got you a mail order bride." Kim said opening the back room door as a small brown puppy ran out towards the room.

Jack almost laughed it was like the dog he had as a child. He knew his sister must have helped in picking it out. The dog jumped up to him already taking to his new master. Jack smiled and petted the dog.

"The mail order bride would have been better than a b!tch." Chase said laughing at Jack who was petting the dog his eyes lighting up.

Kim smacked Chase, "It's a he."

Jack smiled at his daughter and said genuinely happy, "Thank you."

"You don't know how hard it was to get that damn dog." Chase began. "I had him in the back of the car one day when you stopped me outside the store. I had just got him from the pound and you happen to be at the store. I about freaked." Chase said remembering having to lie to Jack and getting the cautious glance Jack always gave him when he thought he was lying.

"Thank you guys." Jack said smiling happily.

"What are you going to name him dad?" Kim asked.

"I was thinking of Chase." Jack joked

"Oh great. So you can sleep with me at night isn't it Jack?" Chase joked.

"He better not." Kim said sitting on Chase's lap.

"And you two better not be either." Jack said.

"us never Jack." Chase said suddenly worried.

"Rufus." Jack said. He had always loved the name.

"Rufus." Kim said sitting on the couch petting the small puppy.

The night had finished finally. Everyone said goodbye and they promised to meet before Thanksgiving, but they all knew it wouldn't happen with their busy schedules. Jack and Rufus left the house. Rufus rode shotgun with Jack sticking his head out the window the entire time. The radio like always playing the same song from earlier.


I was ten years old
Doing all that I could
It wasn't easy for me
To be a scared white boy
In a black neighborhood
Sometimes you would send me a birthday card
With a five dollar bill
I never understood you then
And I guess I never will

Jack's feeling of happiness fading as the song reminded him of what he had lost so many years ago. When they got to the apartment Rufus followed him inside. Rufus searched around the place and ended up on Jack's bed. Jack walked into the room and lay next to him. Petting him unconsciously the dog rolled over onto his back so that his master could pet his stomach. Jack pet his stomach and thought about going back to the house tomorrow and finally confronting the man. He rolled over and hit the snooze button on his alarm clock so it would play music.


Daddy gave me a name
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name

Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
I just closed my eyes
And the world disappeared
Father of mine
Tell me how do you sleep
With the children you abandoned
And the wife I saw you beat

Jack was almost asleep when he heard a knock on the door. He pushed himself off the bed and saw that Rufus was asleep already. Jack walked out to the door clearly tired. He opened the door expecting it to be Kim dropping whatever had got the dog in the past few days. Instead it was the gray hair man looking guilty. Jack wanted to close the door in his face but didn't. "What do you want?" Jack asked in a normal voice lacking all human emotions.

"I'm sorry." The man said looking at the man that stood in front of him.

"How did you find me?" Jack said walking away from the door.

"I have my connections." He said walking into the darken apartment. He studied it for awhile, it was dark and lonely he thought right off the bat. There were very few decorations and those that were up were not very inviting. He noticed a small picture on the table and saw two women and Jack all smiling. Jack walked into the kitchen needing a drink to calm his nerves. He opened the cupboard and pulled down the bottle of scotch. He asked, "Would you like some scotch?"

"Please." The man called.

Jack walked back out with two cups of scotch handing one to the man. Jack gulped his down quickly and set the glass on the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room/dining room. "What do you want?" Jack asked again having his nerves about him.

"I wanted to apologize."

"A little late." Jack said still in a normal voice.

"I know. But you must have wanted something. That wasn't the first time you sat outside my house." The man called him out on it.

Jack looked away and saw Rufus coming down the hallway looking around again. Jack petted him and than pushed him back down the hallway closing him in the bedroom. "Is that all you wanted?" Jack asked.

I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame
Now I'm a grown man
With a child of my own
And I swear I'm not going to let her know
All the pain I have known

"Can I try to make up for it?" The man asked looking at his son.

"You can't make up for the past. Forty years you can't make up forty years and besides I have a family now."

"Where are they?" The man asked knowing that no family lived in this apartment.

"My daughter, Kim, is with her boyfriend at his parents house."

"And your wife?" The man asked knowing Jack had a wife from the picture.

"She died a few years ago." Jack said looking at the picture.

"Your mother?"

"She's been dead for sometime." Jack said. She had died when he was sixteen and before she died she had asked the man before him to take Jack, but he refused. So Jack was left alone with his stepfather and his little sister.

"I'm sorry about your wife and your mother." The man said not knowing any of the information. "When did your mother die?"

"When I was sixteen." Jack said coldly.

The man was happy to finally get some emotion out of his son. "What do you do for a living? You do work right?" He always said the wrong thing. He saw the anger over take Jack's face when he added the you do work part.

"I worked for the CIA for awhile. I'm on a vacation right now." Jack said not wanting to get into the details.

"The CIA. Huh?" His father asked looking at the man standing before him.

"I hate to cut your little try to make up time short, but I have someone coming over soon." Jack lied no one was coming to visit him. Kate had left him a long time ago and there had been no one else since.

"Oh I'm sorry." The man said goodbye and left his son. Jack closed the door and went back to his room he sat with the dog and felt like crying, but didn't he was a man and men didn't cry.

Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My dad gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
Then he walked away
Then he walked away