Bomberman: Dark Horizon
Foreword: Bomberman, and all registered trademarks are owned by Vatical and Hudson. Eggman, Super Sonic and all registered trademarks belong to Sega. Bomberman's full name (Shiro Yogeki) is owned by Sora G Silverwind, princess of pandemonium. I own Marla, Jack and Lannis. All copyright infringement is intended. Why wouldn't it be?
Chapter One
Egg…Girl?
Bomberman was not having a good day, all things being equal. He had seen his best friends kidnapped and his home destroyed, had been transformed into a psychopathic villain, had barely managed to stop Brainbomber destroying his home planet, and now, his ship was surrounded by a group of fighter ships, commanded by Lannis Balthair and Dr Ivo Robotnik, better known as Eggman.
"So, my question to you is…do you feel lucky, punks? Well do you! Do you feel lucky? Answer the damn question!" Eggman yelled, causing Bomberman to shake his head in shame. Eggman may claim to have an I.Q of 300 but somehow Bomberman doubted it.
"You may claim to have an I.Q of 300 but somehow I doubt it!" Rukifellth shouted.
"Creepy" Bomberman muttered.
"You dare challenge my powers? I'll mess you up, G!" Eggman yelled out.
"He's using wigger speak! A clear sign of an insane mind" Bomberman said.
"That's it. Bring them aboard!" Eggman yelled out, as a tractor beam surrounded Bombermans ship.
"The day just gets worse as it goes on" Bomberman said, sighing.
Lannis smiled as the ship doors swung open, and Bomberman, Lilith, Rukifellth, Jack and Marla all stepped out.
"Not laughing now, are we? I told you I had plenty of luck" Lannis said.
"I should have killed you when I had the chance" Marla growled.
"Probably. But thanks for letting me live…in return, I'm handing you over to Eggman" Lannis said.
"So much for gratitude" Bomberman said.
"That is gratitude Shiro. Originally, I was just going to shoot you in the head" Lannis said, as the doors hissed open, and Eggman entered.
"Well hello. Who are you? And what are you doing on my ship?" Eggman asked.
"You brought us here Eggman. You know who we are!" Bomberman yelled.
"Of course I know who you are! So, you want something to eat?" Eggman asked.
"What are you? Feeding us? You kidnapped us Eggman" Rukifellth said.
"Oh, well in that case…" Eggman said, before whacking Rukifellth over the head, and putting him in a burlap sack.
"There. Now, is that better?" Eggman asked, smiling goofily.
"Jesus Christ, it smells terrible in here! God almighty, it's like a toxic waste dump, only worse!" Rukifellth yelled from the sack.
"Yeah, well I drank way to much Beer/Milk mix last night, and needed to throw up, so…" Eggman began,
"Oh god! Someone kill me!" Rukifellth said, before collapsing into unconsciousness.
"What a nice man…I wonder why he was acting so strangely?" Eggman asked. Bomberman and Lilith simply shook there heads, as they were lead out of the main room.
"So, this is the egg-control room, and there's the Egg-Chair, and the Egg-Monitors, and now, here is the Egg-dining room" Eggman said, as Bomberman, Lilith and the others sat down at a large egg shaped table.
"So, who wants brunch?" Eggman asked.
"Eggman, why the hell did you bring us here?" Bomberman asked, annoyed.
"Why? Well, that's simple isn't it? I'm planning to conquer all of Planet Bomber, and I can't have you getting in the way! MUHAHAHAHA! Now, who wants eggs?" Eggman asked.
"Conquer Bomber Star? Pal, if Brainbomber and his team couldn't do it, you sure as hell can't! You're an idiot, always getting beaten up by Sonic and his team. You haven't once succeeded in conquering anything!" Lilith said.
"Like hell I didn't! I conquered the Moon Kingdom! And I have a plan to conquer Bomber Star. My new army is powerful enough to easily crush anyone who stands against me" Eggman said.
"Hey, this sounds familiar" Marla said, rolling her eyes.
"Eggs are up!" Eggman said, bringing in huge plates of eggs.
"Eggman, can I ask you a question?" Lilith asked.
"Next question" Eggman replied.
"What's with the eggs? I mean, you're called Eggman, everything in this base has the word Egg in it, and now you're serving us eggs? What gives?" Lilith asked.
"Well, if you must pry…of course no one knows much of my history do they? Well, let me tell you. I was born in Russia, named Ivo Robotnik. I spent several years on an Amish work farm, making wicker baskets for a group of sightless pheasants. From there, I travelled to Japan, and stayed with a scientist who would become my mentor. The mans name was Gojo Shioji, a genius scientist, with a Lolita complex and an obsession with spandex, and his thirteen year old fembot, Ropponmatsu 2. He taught me the secrets of A.I and robotics, and from there I attended high school and college with my peeps, Bowser and Il Palazzo. However, I decided one day that I would rule the world, and convert everything to the Eggman Empire! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Eggman said.
"That was a nice monologue, but it doesn't explain why you're called Eggman" Lilith said.
"I like eggs. Don't you?" Eggman asked, before doubling over in pain. Two of his robots rushed to lift him up, as he coughed spasmodically.
"What's wrong with him?" Bomberman asked.
"He's dying. It's why he hired me, you see. His body is being ravaged by Atricavillus, a disease that only afflicts large bald moustached fat egg shaped men. Who fight hedgehogs" Lannis said.
"Get me…to the chamber!" Eggman said.
"Chamber? What chamber?" Bomberman asked.
"I am going to transfer Eggman's mind to a clone body, allowing him to survive the disease" Lannis said.
Soon, in the lab, Lannis lowered Eggman into the case, as a lift descended. From it stepped three figures.
"Ah yes. Bomberman, meet Eggman's associates. This is Manuel" Lannis said, gesturing to a man in a waiters outfit, with a thick black moustache.
"This is Space Butler" Lannis continued, pointing to a man with green, yellow and purple coloured hair.
"And this is Hanson" Lannis concluded, pointing to a man with long grey hair, boggling eyes, and a badly deformed right hand.
"Nice to meet you all. Let me…shake your hand" Hanson said, extending his right hand.
"Uh, no thanks" Bomberman said.
"Alright, Manuel, Space Butler, throw the main switch!" Lannis said. Manuel left the room, only to be dragged back in by Space Butler.
"I said, throw the switch! Oh, I'll do it!" Lannis said, pulling a switch down. Energy crackled, as the tube Eggman was contained in glowed.
"Hanson, load up the bio genetic matrix oscillator. Throw open the plasma influx generator! And activate!" Lannis yelled, as sparks crackled and arced through the air, as the tube next to Eggman began glowing.
"And, turn it off! Open the secondary tube!" Lannis called out.
"Sir, we're getting some odd readings" Space Butler said, as the tube opened, and a shadowy figure stepped out.
"Welcome to you new body, Egg…" Lannis began, before seeing what was standing before him. Before him, stood a woman with brown hair, grey eyes, and a red dress, in the same design as Eggman's old suit.
"Egg…Girl?" Lannis asked.
"What? What's everyone staring at?" Eggman asked.
"God, just kill me now" Bomberman said, shaking his head. One thing was for sure…the day was getting weirder by the minute.
To be continued…