Disclaimer . I do not own soul eater or the characters there of. Hence dont sue.
This is a bit of a break from all of my general mooshy stuff and a step into some I wouldnt necessarily say darker territory but different. This is gonna be a basic friendship thing. I know all you makaxsoul ect fans will be slightly frazzled if theres no romance so trust me its there. Its just not as prominent as it has been in most of my stuff. This is awkward bc number one... appearently im decent at fluff... though im not entirely sure what that is... if you know please explain. O.o. Number two because im gona try and centralize on maka.. and honestly im a guy and have no idea what Im about to get myself into... tell me if I screw this up. Last but not least there's gona be a few jumps between focus but remember the main focus is still on maka. That being said. This extremely long note is officially over. Ciao.
Im my own worst enemy!
Ch1 I dont understand.
He did all he could but she still felt so useless. He hadnt failed as a weapon a person or a friend.
He just couldnt do anything for her. It wasnt his fault and she never blamed him. Though she felt he would believe the vindictive voices plauging her lately.
phantoms of the past wouldnt die so easily and the thoughts lately that haunted her would not just simply let her be.
"maka... Im trying really hard to get a handle on this but youre putting up a damn brick wall..." she didnt feel like talking but gave soul credit for trying. He did after all do his best to ease her current discomfort though she imagined him growing weary of her. "how am I suppose to help if you wont even talk to me... im a weapon... a scythe not a damn psychic."
"then stop trying to be a shrink! im fine." the tears were rolling telling soul that things were not okay or fine to any extent. "i dont know why youre so damned worried anyway..."
"youve been missing meals, late for class, not reading sure as hell because Im going to be honest your books arent accustomed to collecting dust, which right now makes about six months of their time spent. Youve also been avoiding everyone including me, you havent talked to your dad in almost as long as you havent read, not as surprizing but not a good thing either, and youve barely held up on your own in training" he took a deep breath "AND YOUVE BEEN TALKING IN YOUR SLEEP YOU DOLT!"
She broke down. It wasnt something she normaly did. Cry maybe but to soul this was beyond a crying tantrum and straight into a stress induced mental breakdown. She was at this moment an emotional basket case and both soul and her herself knew that very well. She was so much so into her crying that soul was with a lack of words and simply sat down next to her in a vain attempt to break through the 'brick wall' she had errected around herself.
"maka... im... I didnt mean that... I didnt mean to yell at you... its okay bookworm... come on... you know I suck at this motivational speech thing..." it took him a few seconds to register that maka was now lying down weeping in a pitiful ball like some drug crazed lunatic. "ah geeze..."
"just leave me alone!" her words more sharp than she meant them made a small impact on souls demenor and without hesitation he stood and patted her shoulder before walking off. Maka hadnt noticed his departure after several minutes of crying with her hands over her ears. "im sorry soul... I just..." his absence caught her attention when she finaly turned around. "oh..."
she was left to herself. The worthless runt. The bookworm. The failed meister and a terrible friend. She felt the nauseating heat coming from her face as the tears made a pass for round two.
"why cant I just be... something better..." the phrase sounded as if someone else had said it. Imagine her. 'the great kishin slayer' a hero now wishing that she were better. It from an outside point seemed like a stupid and sarcastic request. But maka felt it verily that she was not what her reputation had made her.
In her mind she knew her genetics played a roll in destroying the kishin. And if blackstar and kidd hadnt weakened him he might have killed them all. She managed out with no major damage but still felt as though the victory could have happened even if she werent there.
After what happened with all of the events leading up to asura's defeat she had lost interest in things such as school and books. They held falsely to what they preached and her eyes had been glued to them for years to make sure that all she knew was someone elses lies. Food held no nourishment for her as it all seemed bland and tasteless to the truth of her own thoughts so she hadnt been eating. And people were even worse than those. The faces that once saw her as a friend or a potential interest even now looked at her like some sort of alien for her heroism. The worst however was what she thought was her conscience. It was like an antagonizing bully. Constantly mocking her. She refused to put it up as a halucination because the voice was more of a thought given speech. It simply said directly what she knew deep down to be her own truth.
'you know crying on the floor suits you... I mean at least soul's grown a brain and quit bothering... he would have missed dinner if youre tantrum had kept him ten more minutes. Ya know you really screw up peoples lives... why are you even still alive? I think they'd all be better off if asura had eaten you then at least soul could find a partner worth a damn. Face it you suck. Not your fault no. its just destiny. Youre nothing but a worthless little girl. Thats just the way it is.' the words taunted her as though she were a rat who had been caged only to be placed mere inches from freedom.
"no... noooo! Im... I killed the kishin... ive been a straight A student since I started the academy and at least a half decent meister... this is just stupid!" she cried herself to sleep after that lulling herself into slumber with every soft sob she let pass her guard.
"oh maka...i dont understand..." soul had left the room but stayed next to the door. When he looked in he saw her. She was broken. Her frail body making small shaky motions as she took ragged breaths. She was a mess. What was worse was he had no idea why.